How should I do it? Quick and painless of course. I do not want to suffer. Plus, I don't want to leave behind some greusome scene of violence for someone I care for to discover. I know! I'll go up into the mountains and find some cave or perhaps a sewer drain pipe.. Climb deep inside, and then blow my brains out. The body would have long decomposed to just a skeleton before it would be discovered. I could leave behind cryptic notes telling them
that I went off to Nepal to meditate with the lamas.
Yes, that's a good idea. Perhaps I'll go to Nepal and find the cave to off myself in there. That would be an ever better idea, methinks.
Ah, to die. To fall asleep forever. I wonder if you dream when you're dead? Is the afterlife permanent dreamstate?
One can only speculate.
At any rate, life right now as it is here is far too unpleasant to possibly tolerate anymore. I mean, shit, day after day --- waking up, a hateful experience to be sure: being robbed of the only joy in my life, the blissful escapism of the dreamworld --- to a world where I must hastfuly pop out of bed, bathe, throw on some clothes and run as quick as I can, already late, to the cubicle farm to show my face for eight ridiculous hours of doing dick except waiting to get away from all those assholes (don't get me wrong, some of them are quite nice and I am quite fond of) to the sweet seclusion of my apartment where I can dwell in misery on how lonely I am.
I must beg the pardon of you, my esteemed reader, at this point. I have been behaving quite aloof lately and have made no efforts to reveal who in fact I am.
I am your standard issued slightly-more-intelligent-than-the-average-shithead-in-public-school kid who grew up in suburban 70s and 80s Texas, a perfect example of public schooling, yet intelligent nonetheless to become quite good at computing as a hobby which started out as a mediocre shit $17.5k job as a kid (1993) that grew to $115k job as a 31 year old in this here year 2002.
You know how it was back then ... how many of you blokes met your first real girlfriend when you first started making that big $$$$ dot-com money?
And how many of you blokes are going through a breakup (if you'd been smart) or a divorce (or proceeding towards one currently) by now?
We were unpopular kids, most of us, in high school... but then we went and started making the $$$. The chicks started treating us a bit different then, didn't they!
Well, I digress.
I have made the decision to begin planning my own termination.