Adequacy front page
Stories Diaries Polls Users
Google

Web Adequacy.org
Home About Topics Rejects Abortions
This is an archive site only. It is no longer maintained. You can not post comments. You can not make an account. Your email will not be read. Please read this page if you have questions.
 Dear Sirs,

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jul 25, 2002
 Comments:
Our large financial corporation is accepting applications for the following positions:
  • Professional Pipe Screen Cleaner
  • Professional Carpet Cleaner
  • Professional Resin-Catcher
  • Human Saline Deposit Remover
  • Toilet and Urinal Flusher
  • Professional Tobacco Pipe Loader.

As always, we consider applications for the esteemed female typist position.

That is all.

diaries

More diaries by Martino Cortez PhD
Good Morning Nobile Sirs
Dearest Adequacy Readors
Deor Adequecy Readers
Martin-Cortez Newsletter, Issue 1 v I
Martin-Cortez Newsletter - Issue 2, Vol I
Martin Cortez Newsletter, Issue 3, Vol 1
Martin-Cortez Financial Newsletter Issue 4, Vol 1
Martin-Cortez Financial Newsletter Issue 5, Vol 1
Dear Anonymous Reader Sir,
Help Save Me!!!
Martin Cortez Newsletter, Issue 5, Vol 1.
Dr William King Sir,
Martin Cortez Newsletter
Good Evening Dear Sirs,
Sir, Wherefore art thou adequate?
Dearest Adequacy Readers,
Dear Sirs,
Mr. Milosovic Sir,
Sirs,
A plea from a busy corporate executive
Sirs,
Sirs,


       
Tweet

Kudo's! (none / 0) (#1)
by John Wainright on Thu Jul 25th, 2002 at 04:27:37 PM PST
Let's hear it for Dr. Cortez and his initiative to bolster the economy with employment opportunities.
If more corporations were as far sighted as his there would be no end to what capitalism can accomplish!



 
Dear Sir, (5.00 / 1) (#2)
by because it isnt on Thu Jul 25th, 2002 at 05:39:40 PM PST
I am considering applying for the position of nude female typist within your organisation. Could you give me some indication as to what you are looking for in a typist? I would find that most helpful.

Respectfully yours,
Isn't
adequacy.org -- because it isn't

Here, let's practice the first question: (none / 0) (#4)
by elenchos on Thu Jul 25th, 2002 at 08:49:22 PM PST
What are you wearing?


I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill


A trick question, surely! (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by because it isnt on Fri Jul 26th, 2002 at 12:29:37 AM PST
I'm not wearing anything.
adequacy.org -- because it isn't

Your answers are quite revealing. (none / 0) (#14)
by elenchos on Fri Jul 26th, 2002 at 07:46:30 PM PST
Perhaps you are naked. Perhaps. But that is only one qualification; there are others, you know.

Next: Can you type?


I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill


duh (5.00 / 1) (#16)
by nathan on Mon Jul 29th, 2002 at 11:35:08 AM PST
Typing ability is not a job requirement.

Take your communist 'meritocracy' somewhere else.

Nathan
--
Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

A ringing endorsement. (5.00 / 1) (#17)
by because it isnt on Mon Jul 29th, 2002 at 02:00:41 PM PST
And from a real secretary, too. Cool.
adequacy.org -- because it isn't

dork (5.00 / 1) (#18)
by nathan on Mon Jul 29th, 2002 at 02:16:12 PM PST
I am a Secretary. Note the capital S. So was Gorbachev. Do we understand one another, worm?

Nathan
--
Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Really? (5.00 / 1) (#19)
by because it isnt on Mon Jul 29th, 2002 at 02:49:19 PM PST
Wow. Next, you'll be telling that Jean Chretien isn't the head of the church, despite his title.

On another matter of correctness, I am not a whale's penis, nor am I a dork.
adequacy.org -- because it isn't

silence, insect (nt) (5.00 / 1) (#21)
by nathan on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 09:25:08 AM PST

--
Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

I think you broke a nail. [n/t] (5.00 / 1) (#22)
by because it isnt on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 01:06:25 PM PST
Ms Simington, could you reconfirm my 10:35 flight to Zurich with the airline? Thank you.
adequacy.org -- because it isn't

 
Dr. Martino Cortez: (none / 0) (#3)
by moriveth on Thu Jul 25th, 2002 at 06:52:08 PM PST
I also wish to apply for the position of female typist in your employ. Although a 6'2" post-op transsexual, I am physically attractive and fully capable of fulfilling all requirements of the job. My attorney, John S. Montoya, Esq., assures me that, as a consequence of recent court rulings, my condition should pose no problem during the hiring process. I look forward to hearing from you regarding my application!


Sir, (none / 0) (#6)
by Martino Cortez PhD on Thu Jul 25th, 2002 at 10:38:23 PM PST
Thanks to the current president, while we are equal opertunity, this only applies to skin color and gender. We can legally discrimate against such sinners as yourself. I sugest you re-attach your member, and stop this charade at once.

Thank you sir.


--
Dr Martino Cortez, PhD
CEO - Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation
Copyright 2002, Martino Cortez.

 
The more you speak... (none / 0) (#5)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 25th, 2002 at 09:14:10 PM PST
the more I hate you I think you personally are a fake who likes pissing off people...


Sir, (none / 0) (#7)
by Martino Cortez PhD on Thu Jul 25th, 2002 at 10:42:43 PM PST
I am in no way a fake. I am the genuine article. Why do you hate the rich? Why do you hate those who have more then you? Are you jelious that I am in a hot tub *right now* surrounded by youthful blondes, while dictating this to my female typists? Are you jelious of my age? My young apperance? My foresight? My will and determination?

The answer is an obvious yes. You hate everything which makes america great. You hate the cities, the towers, the taxi's, the russle of the rich going from one summer home to the next. You sir are everything that is wrong in the world.

Go back to Russia you anti-capitalistic terrorist, lest you get reported


--
Dr Martino Cortez, PhD
CEO - Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation
Copyright 2002, Martino Cortez.

really you are fake (none / 0) (#20)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jul 30th, 2002 at 09:13:50 AM PST
you company doesn't exist, your email doesn't work, your just some ceo's wet dream.


Sir, (none / 0) (#25)
by Martino Cortez PhD on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 01:49:30 PM PST
What makes you think that I'd use my real email address. There are after all hackers who would love to commit crimes using my computer.


--
Dr Martino Cortez, PhD
CEO - Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation
Copyright 2002, Martino Cortez.

Oh no! (none / 0) (#26)
by because it isnt on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 02:31:29 PM PST
What if hackers took over the moon base? They could hold the world to ransom with the giant "laser" "beam".
adequacy.org -- because it isn't

 
Addendum. (none / 0) (#8)
by Martino Cortez PhD on Thu Jul 25th, 2002 at 10:46:04 PM PST
It is with my sincere apologies that I must announce that all applicants have at least 7 years of experiance in their field. I apologise for any issues this make cause in seeking a future career with the Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation .

Thank you.


--
Dr Martino Cortez, PhD
CEO - Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation
Copyright 2002, Martino Cortez.

 
dogeatdog (none / 0) (#10)
by Mr Somebody on Fri Jul 26th, 2002 at 08:56:32 AM PST
Mr. Cortez Sir.
Here at SomebodyCorp, we've been eyeing your small outfit for some time with a view to asset stripping, and now that your share price is scrapping along the floor, we're considering a takover of your shabby little outfit. How does twenty bucks & a packet of Fruit Loops sound?


Headhunting? (none / 0) (#11)
by gordonjcp on Fri Jul 26th, 2002 at 10:59:28 AM PST
If you buy his organisation, then I'm interested in hiring Mr Cortez. I'll give you 10, some doughnuts and a bag of Volvo spares.


make them jammy doughnuts & you're on (none / 0) (#23)
by Mr Somebody on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 06:23:24 AM PST
Mr Cortez is on secondment at our fish frying division right now, but I will be making him available on a consultancy basis, in the very near future. Fret not, your deposit has secured him.


 
OK. (0.00 / 1) (#12)
by tkatchev on Fri Jul 26th, 2002 at 11:05:24 AM PST
How big is the packet of Fruit Loops?


--
Peace and much love...




 
Interesting. (5.00 / 1) (#13)
by RobotSlave on Fri Jul 26th, 2002 at 01:24:56 PM PST
I was under the impression that the Martino Cortez Holding Company was privately owned. I realize a few subsidiaries have been spun off into publicly traded corporations, but my impression was that the parent concern was not for sale.

Do you think you could point me in the direction of the latest 10Q for the Martino Cortez Holding Company? Edgar doesn't seem to have any record of it.


© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

That's funny, (5.00 / 1) (#24)
by jvance on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 12:23:40 PM PST
I'd swear their accounting firm filed it months ago.

Hmmm...
--
Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

Not really. (none / 0) (#27)
by RobotSlave on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 04:03:26 PM PST
While there have been some irregularities at Andersen, probably due to errors on the part of junior employees, something like a missed SEC filing would have been noticed immediately.

If, on the other hand, I was correct, and the Martino Cortez Corporation is privately held rather than publicly traded, then they are under no obligation to file a 10Q.

But you knew that, didn't you?


© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

Poor old 'Slavey. (5.00 / 1) (#28)
by because it isnt on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 05:10:37 PM PST
You're not really "with" the "programme", are you, SlaveOfRobot?

You see, I infiltrated Dr Cortez's secretive operations base disguised as a nude typist. In between e-mailing heads of state and Belgian massages, I perfected my egeanieuse mind-control "ray-gun". I have since enslaved Dr Cortez. As a fitting punishment for his lechery and sinful ways, I commanded him to sell me his entire enterprise, including the South African baby-seal skinning factory, for mere pennies.

So, regardless of whether Martina's accounts are "filed", or not, I have complete possession of the entire Cortez empire. Muha ha ha ha!
adequacy.org -- because it isn't

Ho Hum. (5.00 / 1) (#29)
by RobotSlave on Wed Jul 31st, 2002 at 06:57:23 PM PST
We've heard almost exactly the same delusional ramblings before, from one Mr. Milosevich.

I'd advise Dr. Cortez to adjust the dosage of the sedatives he's adding to the water in the moonjail.


© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

 
Your such a fake. (none / 0) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jul 27th, 2002 at 12:38:27 PM PST
Maybe one day I could live peaceful life with fuck faces like you ruining it.


 

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. Comments are owned by the Poster. The Rest ® 2001, 2002, 2003 Adequacy.org. The Adequacy.org name, logo, symbol, and taglines "News for Grown-Ups", "Most Controversial Site on the Internet", "Linux Zealot", and "He just loves Open Source Software", and the RGB color value: D7D7D7 are trademarks of Adequacy.org. No part of this site may be republished or reproduced in whatever form without prior written permission by Adequacy.org and, if and when applicable, prior written permission by the contributing author(s), artist(s), or user(s). Any inquiries are directed to legal@adequacy.org.