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Suck 100%

Votes: 3

 You have 100 words

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jun 20, 2002
In which to refute the assertion that you suck. Choose wisely, though, it's unlikely that you'll do so, given how immensely you suck. Feel free to cut-and-paste from your sucky internal monologue.


I do not suck (1.00 / 1) (#1)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jun 20th, 2002 at 01:20:18 PM PST
I am a white male, recently graduated from college but with no job. I frequent but I do not subscribe and I am not a Trusted User. I have 50 karma on Slashdot. I post the occasional comment to Adequacy. I prefer Macs over Windows and Linux over Macs. Given all of the above, one must reach the inescapable conclusion that I do not suck.

I Do Not Suck. (1.00 / 1) (#2)
by derek3000 on Thu Jun 20th, 2002 at 01:30:42 PM PST
you sux

"Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

Okay (1.00 / 1) (#3)
by PotatoError on Thu Jun 20th, 2002 at 01:42:42 PM PST
I dont suck because I am a l33t s<r1pt h4x0r and I can down your b0x.

Will this do? (1.00 / 1) (#4)
by because it isnt on Thu Jun 20th, 2002 at 01:49:37 PM PST
I cannot suck - I am a winner, I am elite. I creepily fixate over the Slashdot and/or Kuro5hin communities. I deliberately misrepresent facts and misspell words to piss off anal-retentives. I make self-referential hyperlinks. My heart jumps when my enemies make an unintentional spelling error, arrogantly correcting them and ignoring their argument is my forté. I wind up teenagers and children because I can't fool the adults. I enjoy postmodernist psuedointellectual posturing to actual debate. I wouldn't know satire if it was a grand piano in the sky and it fell on me. Basically, you suck, and I win. -- because it isn't

Why I don't suck. (1.00 / 1) (#5)
by absnak on Thu Jun 20th, 2002 at 03:53:56 PM PST
Becouse I have the w00t! think geek shirt on.

I do suck. (5.00 / 3) (#6)
by koanhead on Thu Jun 20th, 2002 at 04:10:05 PM PST
I am proud to descend from the fierce Semen Warriors of New Guinea. As young striplings we must accumulate semen for several years, either by regular anal penetration or by swallowing the ejaculate of the elder males we fellate. Frail boys, we believe, are only transformed into virile warriors if they ingest large quantities of sperm. This follows from our religious beliefs and the uncommonly common sense proposition that sperm is the essential conduit of masculine energy and strength.

As a student in your fine country, my quality of life could be better. Your women are frigid potential mates who spurn me on sight of the decorative row of beads inserted under the surface of my skin. I cannot tell you how many nostalgic nights I've spent alone, reminiscing over the words of my beloved nana.
Buassi, if you don't drink semen, you won't grow big. You should not be afraid of eating penises, it is just like sucking the milk out of your mother's teat. You can swallow it all of the time and grow quickly, like the breadfruit sapling. If you dont swallow all your warrior juice, you will stay small and weak like your playmate, Koritoia-Ope.
What is the tradition of your elders? "Oops, got your nose!" if I'm not mistaken.

God hates logic.

I don't suck, I rule. Here's why (none / 0) (#7)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jun 21st, 2002 at 01:09:32 AM PST
  • I have a large collection of Mariah Carey bootlegs that I got through my many connections in the concert promotions business
  • I have an autographed photo of Christina Aguilera that she signed for me IN PERSON. Plus when I shook her hand she held mine for a longer than just polite length of time, if you get my drift ;-)
  • I can score weed ANYTIME I want. Two-three phone calls, I'm hooked up with the kind.
  • My tricked-out V-Tec Civic can do twelves. Read it and weep sweethearts. When I finally get it painted, the girlies are gonna melt on sight.
  • I took Janel to the party, but made out in the yard with Melyssa!
  • I can rap EXACTLY like Dr. Dre. When I throw down with "Getcha Heads Ringing" at the Karaoke, even black people applaud!

    To sum up, there's no way I could suck, because I'm spending waaaaaaayyyy too much time TOTALLY DOMINATING. Was that more than 100 words? Oh well. When you can beat my Civic, THEN you can talk, chumpee.

    --The Zackster

  • I love you. (none / 0) (#8)
    by tkatchev on Fri Jun 21st, 2002 at 01:43:28 PM PST
    Will you marry me?

    Peace and much love...

    I do not suck (5.00 / 1) (#9)
    by First Incision on Fri Jun 21st, 2002 at 10:28:58 PM PST
    In order to produce a net result of suck, I must inhale more gas than I exhale.

    With each breath, I inhale oxygen, water vapor, and inert gases.

    I consume food and water; most mass is excreted through defecation and urination. During the process of metabolism, oxygen (O2) is combined with carbon to form (CO2). Because of that added carbon, the exhaled gas has greater mass than the inhaled gas, and because of water vapor lost from the respiratory passages, the exhaled gas has greater volume. (Inert gases remain the same)

    Therefore, I do not suck. 98 words.
    Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

    you suck (none / 0) (#10)
    by dodyskin on Sat Jun 22nd, 2002 at 06:19:19 PM PST
    and swallow

    100 words (none / 0) (#11)
    by innominate on Mon Jun 24th, 2002 at 01:22:55 PM PST
    Hmmm. I have 100 words to refute my suck-ness.
    What are the 100 words? Do I get to choose them?
    My internal monologue is currently turned off - is that a stipulation of my refuting, that said monologue be turned on?
    Be less general, your suck-ness is showing...

    I'm better than all of you (none / 0) (#12)
    by KingAzzy on Mon Jun 24th, 2002 at 02:55:41 PM PST
    I live in Beverly Hills, am dating a beautiful and successful actress (who is also smart as a whip and has deep soul), make a six figure salary, and am young and good looking.

    So, sorry ol chap, but the truth of the matter is that it is you who suck and you are obviously just jealous of those of us who do not.

    Note about salary: (none / 0) (#13)
    by because it isnt on Mon Jun 24th, 2002 at 03:04:57 PM PST
    the two digits after the decimal point don't count. -- because it isn't

    tick tick tick, motherfucker. (none / 0) (#14)
    by KingAzzy on Mon Jun 24th, 2002 at 04:13:30 PM PST
    Yes I know that. I still am superior to you.

    eh naw, (none / 0) (#15)
    by because it isnt on Mon Jun 24th, 2002 at 06:14:58 PM PST
    you is POSTERIOR to moi, so sit there and lick it, biatch. -- because it isn't


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