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Does the Software industry have a future in the USA/UK ?
Yes 33%
No 66%

Votes: 6

 The Wankometer

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jun 10, 2002
You may or may not be aware of the Wonderful Wankometer.

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This valuable tool is useful in determining the quality of a website, and can be used to pre-screen potential sites in order to determine whether they are worth spending any of your valuable time upon.
Wank factor of 0.65
This level is classified as low.


Hrm... (none / 0) (#1)
by Peter Johnson on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 10:53:48 AM PST

Wank factor of 1.97

This level is classified as considerable.

True true.
Are you adequate?

Sorry to be obtuse. (none / 0) (#2)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 11:22:48 AM PST
What does the wankometer measure? I inputted slashdot and it told me that the wank level was "low."

Clearly our definitions of wankage differ.

It doesn't work. (none / 0) (#3)
by derek3000 on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 11:23:56 AM PST
K5 came up as .49.

"Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

Maybe it does (none / 0) (#4)
by Icebox on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 12:11:44 PM PST
I believe it refers to corporate wank, as opposed to social wank. In point of fact: Microsoft scores a respectable "1.83 Considerable", while VA Linux scores an astronomical "7.32 Utter Wank".

This fits with my expectations. Microsoft will of course have a bit of corporate jargon on their pages, they are a corporation after all. It wouldn't compare with the amount a pseudo-corporation would have to have in order to convince investors that it was actually a serious, profit seeking, smart, wise, reasonable, well managed business entity.

Wondering how. (none / 0) (#5)
by The Mad Scientist on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 12:25:10 PM PST
I fed it with one of my servers. There was no access to that URL in the server logs. So I suppose the result is generated by some sort of hash function from the URL itself.

Random strings... (none / 0) (#6)
by ausduck on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 12:58:06 PM PST
... or single letters after the http:// give a result of 1.07 every time, it seems.

To be fair... (none / 0) (#7)
by hauntedattics on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 01:00:42 PM PST
they did caution that their engineers were still refining this useful tool.

Interesting. (none / 0) (#8)
by dmg on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 01:20:47 PM PST
It seems to choke for me when I submit for some reason. However accenture gets a very high 'wank' rating, as expected.

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

Probably Not (none / 0) (#9)
by Right Hand Man on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 01:22:59 PM PST
Was the server in question running Lenux or some other GPL'd operating system?

If so, I would imagine the lack of an entry was due to some bug in the logging code. The GPL is famous these sorts of problems.

"Keep your bible open and your powder dry."

Weird... (none / 0) (#14)
by The Mad Scientist on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 05:43:36 PM PST
I encountered no serious logging-related problems on any of my machines. (If I don't count the nature of UDP packets to get lost, which makes problems with remote logging; however, syslog-ng as far seems to solve this too - except that it doesn't play well with klogd and I had to switch off klogd and translate eventual (hadn't happened from then yet) crash-log kernel symbols manually.)

SPEAK ENGLISH, DAMN YOU! (none / 0) (#18)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jun 11th, 2002 at 03:54:47 AM PST
All I got out of your post was "Lenix suffers high packet loss." That's not good, is it?

You don't like my dialect? (none / 0) (#19)
by The Mad Scientist on Tue Jun 11th, 2002 at 05:14:31 AM PST
All I got out of your post was "Lenix suffers high packet loss." That's not good, is it?

Everything UDP-based is prone to packet loss when the lines are overloaded. Sometimes it is more or less irrelevant. Sometimes it is a big no-good.

If you don't know it yet, the advantage of UDP over TCP is simplicity and shorter time of delivery. The disadvantage is that packet delivery is not sure and that the order of delivered packets isn't sure as well. Selection of the right kind of protocol depends on what you want.

More accurate (1.00 / 3) (#10)
by Virtual Mage on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 01:29:42 PM PST
Windows XP:
[Pause about 12 seconds while booting.]
[Hope it doesn't freeze again]
[Wait for it to e-mail MS to tell them what hardware you have and if you're registered]
[Random thing fucks up. You must restart computer.]

[Wait 7 seconds for boot]
[enter log in]
[Do whatever you want.]

Wait 7 seconds for boot (5.00 / 1) (#11)
by Fon2d2 on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 03:28:32 PM PST
In your dreams. Maybe after 5 years of climbing the Looonix learning curve. Fuck that shit. I'm sick of all you Loonix bastards and your empty claims. If Loonix is so great then I ought to be able to use it as you say: [enter log in], [do whatever I want] without spending countless evenings and weekends climbing the nausiating learning curve of Looney-binix.

Linux (5.00 / 6) (#12)
by dmg on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 03:51:23 PM PST
Linix: wait for upwards of 60 seconds for boot. Plus another three minutes while X11/KDE start up. Realise you need to edit /etc/wank.conf and /usr/sys/conf/fuckoff.and.die.xml and kill -9 the tosserd and wankaged processes and then set your fontpath and then edit your .bashrc and blah blah blah you get the picture ? Linux sucks. Always has, Always will.

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

King of the wankers (none / 0) (#13)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 03:52:03 PM PST
Is 7.32 and utter wank.

I am suprised ;)

suprised? (none / 0) (#17)
by yeap on Tue Jun 11th, 2002 at 03:23:58 AM PST
im not

*AHEM* (none / 0) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 10:09:01 PM PST

Erm? (none / 0) (#16)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jun 10th, 2002 at 11:02:04 PM PST
Seems a correct rating to me.
That site is excellent wank material, that doesn't imply that the site contains much wank in and of itself. It does not.
--Anonymous Reader #24601

Dear Sir, (none / 0) (#20)
by because it isnt on Mon Jun 17th, 2002 at 02:27:46 PM PST
I was made aware of the Wankometer in May 1999.

You are, however, the first person to bring it to my attention this century. Many thanks indeed. -- because it isn't


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