Adequacy front page
Stories Diaries Polls Users

Home About Topics Rejects Abortions
This is an archive site only. It is no longer maintained. You can not post comments. You can not make an account. Your email will not be read. Please read this page if you have questions.
Wich actor seemed most embarrased to be in AOTC?
Samuel L. Jackson 19%
Hayden whatsisname 7%
Temua Morrison 5%
Jimmy Smits 3%
Natalie Portman 22%
Ewan McGregor 14%
Christopher Lee 3%
Yoda 14%
Where's the sex and cannibalism options, run-on-sentence-boy? 10%

Votes: 57

 The New Faust

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
May 31, 2002
Attack Of The Clones is finally upon us and the eternal battle of critic and fan has flared once again into sound and fury. Against the tightly arrayed phalanx of trained and disciplined professional film critics, is pitted an enraged, onrushing horde of fans, two hundred million (and counting) dollars' worth of Star Wars junkies ready to defend the honor of Episode II to the very last. For the rest of humanity, this clash seems more than a little peculiar. Why so much psychoemotional capital invested in arguing the ultimate worth of what appears to any disinterested party to be an entertaining if indifferently assembled sci-fi movie? Moreover, why is Lucas so willfully indifferent towards the critical responses to the most recent Star Wars films, insisting on overseeing all aspects of the producction of each film, when it is universally acknowledged that thee best film in the Star Wars series was neither scripted nor directed by him?

More stories about Cinema
Review: Jurassic Park III
Review: Planet of the Apes
Rock Star: Headbanging Nights
Shrek: the greatest basest fairy tale never ever told
Monsters Incorporated: Film Review and Merchandise Buyer's Guide.
Not just harmless fun
Looking Forward: Cinema in 2002
America - Land of the free ? Or home of the DEPRAVED ?
Anakin Loses a Hand
The answer becomes clear only when one steps back to get a wider perspective. From a more distant viewpoint, relations between seemingly unrelated entities begin to materialize, the way indididual pixels of a video display congeal into recognizable pictures. The release of AOTC and the resulting brouhaha represents just a single move of a single piece in a much larger game. The man making the moves is George Lucas, and the stakes in his game are as vast and primal as the scope of human ambition.

To the casual Star Wars fan, say, someone whose seen Episode IV a few times and all the other films twice or thrice, a glimpse through some Star Wars tie-in material, from books and comics, to board games and software, will reveal a bewildering variety of unknown faces and names. Seemingly peripheral characters will turn out to have elaborate backstories of their own. Each kooky alien turns out to be a member of a fully imagined race having its own culture, physiology, and language. Every droid has a model number and a function. The stories of the various Star Wars related novels tie in with the comics and videogames, and these in turn inform the films, including AOTC.

All this seemingly excess information in total constitutes something called the"Expanded Universe", a vast and complicated elaboration of the stories told in the Star Wars movies. It is crucial to our understanding to note here that Lucas is a jealous guardian of this body of narratives. A perfect example of this can be found in his his production company Lucasfilm's official definition of fandom, as expressed in a press release concerning Lucasfilms' decision to exclude "fanfic" (that is, original stories not written by Lucas-approved individuals) type films from an officially sponsored Star Wars film festival.

"We want them to have fun. But if in fact somebody is using our characters to create a story unto itself, that's not in the spirit of what we think fandom is about. Fandom is about celebrating the story the way it is."
Fandom, in other words, consists not in creation, but in exegesis and veneration.

By now we have stepped far enough back that the points of color, this videogame, that novel, this droid, that Hutt, are resolving into vague forms: there is a picture forming here, but it is not quite discernable. To get a true sense of Lucas' plans, there is still one more step that must be taken (mind the coffee table). On July 15th, Lucas' videogame company, LucasArts together with Sony, Inc., will begin beta testing of Star Wars Galaxies, a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game in which thousands of people will take on the roles of characters living, working, fighting, and, interacting (not to mention stealing, cheating, and fucking) in the world of Star Wars: the Expanded Universe come to very real life. With this, our picture snaps into focus.

It can now be seen why so much effort has been expended on what appeared to be trivial details about fictional beings, why the control of the "official" Star Wars storylines has been so tenaciously maintained, and indeed, why Lucas has been so insistent on retaining total power over the production, scripting, and direction of the Star Wars movies, even at the expense of quality of the final product. The accumulation of miniscule details about aliens, planetary systems, and personalities was for the purpose of developing and peopling an entire alternate universe, with the Star Wars movies, novels and videogame narratives serving as the shared body of myth holding the culture of this universe together. The fanatacism of true believer Star Wars fans stems not from mere concern over the quality of a movie, but rather from a need to validate and defend the very existence of their world. With the release of SWG, this world, developed entirely under the guidance and with the blessing of one man, George Lucas, will be inhabited by thousands of lving breathing human beings. The final result of Lucas' decades of work and thought, deal-making and marketing, will be to have transformed himself into something very much like a god.

To be the master of a universe, to have multitudes of real people not just reading your books or watching your films, but living on a planet of your own devising, interacting with one another through cultural and social structures whose whole existence is a result of your thoughts and actions, to have willed a world into being: is it so mad for a man to strive for this? Fucking hell right it is. Lusting after omnipotence is for losers and psychos. Normal, well-adjusted people seek only for good friends, good books, and good food, to get laid regularly, and maybe to make the world a better place (for example, by editing an informative and socially beneficial weblog). Much as I enjoyed AOTC, I can't help but worry that my eight bucks has gone to fund something very sinister and unwholesome. Once upon a time, there was a movie about Jedi Kinghts, X-wings, Wookies, Smugglers and Princesses, Droids and Death Stars a special, wonderful movie indeed, but at the end of the day, just a movie. A quarter-century later, the whole thing has metastasized into some tinpot demiurge's wild flailing lunge for immortality. Fuck, I'd rather be watching Bea Arthur crooning on top of a piano in in some seedy Tatooine cantina. What hath George wrought?


Very enlightening (5.00 / 1) (#1)
by Fon2d2 on Fri May 31st, 2002 at 01:25:22 PM PST
Now I understand the true reason behind the inadequacy of Episodes I and II. I never realized Lucas's megalomania was so extensive. He probably wakes up in the middle of the night in cold sweats worried about Star Wars. Can you imagine him, just sitting there, heart racing, with a feeling like acid running through his veins, all the time wondering, worrying, plotting? "Soon" he tells himself, "Soon my empire will be complete. Soon, all shall love me and despair." Or maybe that was Lord of the Rings. Well anyway, you get my drift.

OT (5.00 / 1) (#2)
by faustus on Sat Jun 1st, 2002 at 03:56:55 AM PST
All I have to say is Lucas needs to review his Grade 8 english manuals. The characters should be compelling; like Solo, Luke, and even Princess Leia the the good films. Luke was struggling with "the force", Leia didn't know if see wanted to bone Solo, and Solo didn't know if he should help the Republic or flee with his precious credits; (he always wanted to bone Leia).

Fast forward to 2002 and we have Queen Amidala the card board cut-out of a 20 year old senator, who despite her young age should be smart; she's a wise senator remember. But is she? Of course not. She thinks Jar-Jar will do a good job in her place in the Senate, and is all over the future Vader when he is obviously a total psycho. "I killed them all, not just the men, but the women and children too. Just like the animals that they are!!" "Cool, let's fuck." If it was only so easy as braiding your hair gay and murdering minorities to hook up with the Mrs. Portmans of the world.

--You seem to be suffering from a liberal-arts education.

Well.... (none / 0) (#5)
by 91degrees on Sat Jun 1st, 2002 at 11:46:50 AM PST
If it was only so easy as braiding your hair gay and murdering minorities to hook up with the Mrs. Portmans of the world.

Have you tried it? It might actually work.

Free tip. (none / 0) (#6)
by tkatchev on Sat Jun 1st, 2002 at 11:49:17 AM PST
Buy yourself a whore and spare us the spermotoxicosis, ok?

Peace and much love...

Han Solo. (none / 0) (#7)
by hauntedattics on Sun Jun 2nd, 2002 at 08:10:18 AM PST
Thanks for your commentary, Mr. Milkshake. The clearest indication that your theory is correct is the lack of a Han Solo-type character in the more recent Star Wars movies.

If anything in Episodes 4 through 6 got to taking itself too seriously, there was Harrison Ford to take the piss out of the situation and remind everyone that these were cheesy space cowboy movies, damnit! It was refreshing, and it was one of the reasons I sat through Episode 2 occasionally bored to tears.

True (none / 0) (#8)
by Chocolate Milkshake on Sun Jun 2nd, 2002 at 06:10:25 PM PST
Interestingly, Harrison Ford is noted for having improvised some of Solo's more amusing bits in episodes IV-VI. Evidently Lucas was so irate over Ford's deviations from his sacred text that he refused to have any type of roguish character in the prequel trilogy, thus avoiding the risk of casting another unmanageable actor.

Interesting. (none / 0) (#9)
by hauntedattics on Mon Jun 3rd, 2002 at 08:22:56 AM PST
I didn't realize that. What's interesting is that Mr. Ford had the most successful post-Star Wars acting career, by far, of any of the series' stars. So it seems that incurring Mr. Lucas's annoyance may actually be a good thing.

Any reports of Ewan MacGregor incurring Lucasian wrath? (She said hopefully...)

Careeer? (none / 0) (#10)
by specom on Wed Jun 5th, 2002 at 01:46:45 PM PST
Yes, but let's not forget, Carrie Fisher went insane. Otherwise who knows where her career could have gone. Have you seen her lately? She's a pig.

Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.


All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. Comments are owned by the Poster. The Rest ® 2001, 2002, 2003 The name, logo, symbol, and taglines "News for Grown-Ups", "Most Controversial Site on the Internet", "Linux Zealot", and "He just loves Open Source Software", and the RGB color value: D7D7D7 are trademarks of No part of this site may be republished or reproduced in whatever form without prior written permission by and, if and when applicable, prior written permission by the contributing author(s), artist(s), or user(s). Any inquiries are directed to