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Worst lunix virus ever
/etc/fstab 11%
/etc/passwd 14%
the GPL 62%
/boot/vmlinuz 11%

Votes: 27

 Lunix insecure, exhibit #149437

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
May 27, 2002
We have just found another blatant security hole in the russian hacker Linus Thorvaldez' Lunix operating system. The linux zealots have been claiming for ages that their amateurish system is secure because the so called script kiddies supposedly know too little about it to write virusses to. Meanwhile, naturally,they keep bashing true american liberty loving corporations that defend National Security through obscurity. Apparently the virus has already put down half of the Cuban-North Corean segregated internet, as it's routers are all running Lunix, because they aren't able to hack and illegally copy professional grade OS, that their corrupt governments aren't able to buy.
the vmlinuz killer virus

Anyway, for the people who have been forced to use this amateurish operating system, here are the symptoms :

a)the existence of a file called "messages" in the "/var/log". This innocent looking file is in fact filled with all the confidential information you might write using the keyboard. According to the cryptoanalysis of the virus, the file is sent everynight to the makers of the virus (A scottish terrorist named Allen Cokes who recently escaped from jail)

b)On startup, the system asks you for passwords you have already given the previous time, they try to trick you into sending said passwords to Allen Cokes

c)your recycle bin pretends to be empty, yet the folder "/bin" is full of files, like "cp" ("cernel panik"),"cat" ("conspiration analysis tool"), "ls" ("lose system")

d)If the lynx web browser, lunix's only web browser, doesn't start automatically with the MSN website

Appearance of one of these symptoms is a certain sign that you have been infected by the vmlinuz virus.
It's name is derived from the french "Virus Malefique" (Evil virus), "linux", which is a spoof on the OS' real name (lunix), and the usual -z suffix internet criminals have used since genesis, like in crackZ, wareZ, hackZ and more.

Here's how to remove the virus

1)if you're running a graphical user interface, like openwin, shut it down and go back to the archaic command line interface (the DOS).

2)locate a file called "vmlinuz????". As there is no search utility in lunix, you'll have to browse the folders by hand, which is especially inefficient without a GUI. The virus has been detected in such varied locations as the "/boot" folder or the root folder.

3)if you detect multiple versions of "vmlinuz????" (failsafe, mdk - which stands for "murder,death, kill"), it means the virus has self replicated.

4)you will need to get administrator rights for the following. Ask the password to your system manager. If he pretends he can't give you that, argue that he doesn't know his job. One might actually wonder if a system that needs administrator rights to remove a virus, is really secure. type "su" on the keyboard, followed by the password.

5)in the folder where you found "vmlinuz????", type in "mv -R * /dev/null". This stands for "main virus and Related must be sent to the *(pentagram) devil and nullified"


I'm confused. (2.33 / 3) (#1)
by because it isnt on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 03:12:51 AM PST
Is this meant to be a parody of those idiotic Yoshi articles? If so, it hits the spot nicely. -- because it isn't

Now we see the truth. (none / 0) (#10)
by because it isnt on Tue May 28th, 2002 at 02:15:15 AM PST
Yoshi is afraid of the negative associations that he has collected against his name, and has created a fresh, new account so people don't know it's him posting his drivel.

Sorry Yoshi, we can still tell. -- because it isn't

Yet again (3.00 / 2) (#2)
by budlite on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 04:21:28 AM PST
Yoshi's influence is back. It's simply not funny any more. Anyone who thinks otherwise can fuck off (yes, the profanity is necessary).

You lunixists are so dumb (none / 0) (#8)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 07:41:28 PM PST
Every time there is a Lunix article you complain about it. You guys are so predictable and robotic it cracks me up.

A lot of news sites just stop talking about Lunix because of all the death threats and DoS attacks they recieve whenever they say something even remotely acurate. Fortunately will continue to post Lunix articles regardless of the danger.


Uhhh, no. (none / 0) (#11)
by budlite on Tue May 28th, 2002 at 04:07:46 AM PST
When something accurate is posted, we rejoice! It's not the true Linux fans who perform DoS attacks and write in silly language - that's the script kiddies who think that killing a website is fun and a valid solution to everything, and who use Linux because "it's what the h4x0rs do" (which may be true, but I don't use it or any OS to perform mindless attacks against innocent web servers).

When posts like this one I replied to are made, it just saddens me to think that there are people who simply can't accept that there's another way to do things.

Linux fans are more rational than you'd imagine.

It's not only the lunixists (none / 0) (#12)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue May 28th, 2002 at 04:42:05 AM PST
I don't use Linux, Lunix or whatever. And I'm tired with these stories. Tired? No. I'm bored. Bored to death. I would like to see people use their right to innovate a little more often.


*sigh* (none / 0) (#3)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 06:00:36 AM PST
It started off funny, but it's just not after the 1000th time guys...
"Lunix *ROFL* is made by illegal russian hackers *ROFL* and is really insecure *ROFL*" Oh, and not forgetting the name mispellings.

C'mon, you can do better than this, right? A site such as adequacy needs new 'material' every now and again.

Man, this seems.... (none / 0) (#4)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 11:38:58 AM PST
Like a bad amalgamation of "How To Tell If Your Son is a Computer Hacker" and "Open Source? More Like openly racist"

You guys can do better than this.

is this supposed to be funny? (none / 0) (#5)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 03:24:09 PM PST
If it is, I think you need to go back to "Remedial Comedy 101"

Oh wow, say it ain't so! (none / 0) (#6)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 06:21:03 PM PST
All this time I thought that Intenret2 was a project started by the US government, Universities, research institutes (ie Microsoft Research) and various corporations.

One more thing. The link you provide to Internet2 is wrong. It's

not very funny. (none / 0) (#7)
by anti filidor on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 06:40:14 PM PST
I enjoyed the bit about Scottish terrorism, though.

Leave this sort of thing to the experts, I'd say.

Your Writing Skills. (none / 0) (#9)
by John Wainright on Mon May 27th, 2002 at 09:22:07 PM PST
I realize that this is not a thesis but a web journal so I will be brief. It looks like you are taking an interest in Technical Writing.
Perhaps you will be designing the pamphlet that comes with my next toaster.
Here is some free critical advice on your style that may help you as you write your next restaurant menu.
1) Judicious use of the space bar between the bullet and the point it marks.
2) Capitalization at the beginning of a sentence.
3) Paragraphs separating different lines of reasoning.
4) Use of the spell checker feature that comes with your Microsoft Office XP.

I'm sure others that participate in this discussion will be glad to help you with your budding career.

Boring.. (none / 0) (#13)
by DG on Tue May 28th, 2002 at 05:02:22 AM PST
Yoshi did you get bored of writing under your old nick? Looks like it to me. Sometimes I read rather thoughtful writing on adequacy, But to be truthful this slop is not interesting or even funny.

I am not saying that I don't like hearing how linux is bad at some things, that just shows that it's not the end all be all. What I am saying is this diary just shows how little the anti-linux trolls have in the way of creativity.
2002, DG. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

Fuckin A STAR Piece of Work!!!! (5.00 / 1) (#14)
by PotatoError on Tue May 28th, 2002 at 08:45:39 AM PST
Had me in STICHES!!!! LMAO.

You know, its not very often that articles crack me up like this gem did.

I especially liked the deliberate misspelling "Lunix" and the references to Russian Hackers. I just wonder why this hasn't been done before!!! You should become a standup comedian! You never seem to run out of material!


Wow (none / 0) (#17)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Jun 1st, 2002 at 09:46:09 AM PST
Adequacy is really beyond belief. I know this comment is sarcasm, but was the original diary meta-sarcasm (poking fun at those who poke fun at those who think Linux has security problems)? Now I'm confused! Waaaaaaah-nyo!

I can answer that one. (none / 0) (#18)
by because it isnt on Sat Jun 1st, 2002 at 10:49:41 AM PST
I asked the same question myself, and I got a comment rating from the author indicating that this diary was, in fact, a po-faced attempt at "making shit up to incite pedants", and not actually satire at all.

The saving grace of this diary, as far as I'm concerned, is option 3 in the poll. Given the facts, it's the only funny thing here.

I'm actually quite pleased with Potato's performance recently. His sarcasm is becoming less obvious, almost to the point of straight-faced irony. Almost. -- because it isn't

Curious isn't it? (none / 0) (#19)
by RobotSlave on Sat Jun 1st, 2002 at 03:16:13 PM PST
The sarcasm is easier to bear, the sentences, even when incomplete, are comprehensible, the missionary zeal has vanished, the barking dada in place of humor is absent...

It's almost as if we're looking at another man entirely, you know?

Personally, I'm a little disappointed with Potato's recent performance. I liked the old Potato better.

© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

He must be posting post-wank. [n/t] (none / 0) (#20)
by because it isnt on Sat Jun 1st, 2002 at 04:12:39 PM PST
With all sexual tension released, his mind is more focussed, an advanced state of blah blah waffle drone are you still reading this? roast potatoes, scrummy in my tummy. Agreed? -- because it isn't

i'm glad I got to it quickly (none / 0) (#15)
by foon on Tue May 28th, 2002 at 05:22:43 PM PST
Ever since I received this computer from a "friend" installed with the lunix operating system, I had noticed many strange problems, such as teh lack of a C:\ drive, and no solitaire game, etc. I was forced to use the lunix for a couple days, before my legally licensed copy of Microsoft Windows XP arrived from to replace it. I applied this fix immediately, and while the computer still didn't work, the messages at startup at least got a little less cryptic -- it said something about "Non-system disk or disk error" instead of the long stream of error messages and incomprehensible numbers that came up before (stuff like "Inode-cache hash table entries: 32768 (order: 6, 262144 bytes)"). I was much relieved when the Windows XP media arrived, I could have downloaded a "warez" copy off of the Internet, and fixed it immediately, but that would have been against the law, and I've also heard that some of these illegal copies included viruses and backdoors almost as bad as those included in lunix.

that's an error? (none / 0) (#16)
by detikon on Tue May 28th, 2002 at 07:44:52 PM PST
You consider the lack of a C: drive (actually it's just a designation given a partition) to be an error? I hope that you are aware that Windows is the only OSes which uses alphabetical character to label drive. If you run out of letters (26) you can always mount them. Then they appear as folders.

I believe your problems with Windows XP stem from the fact that your computer is too old to run it. Since LUnix (unlike linux) is designed for old 8bit computers (and you seem to lack the expertise to port the code) the system your friend gave you obviously won't run XP.

I suppose next you'll be trying to convince us that NT based OSes are more secure than CP/M.

Go away or I will replace you with a very small shell script.


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