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What is nathan's greatest flaw?
Too sarcastic. 0%
Too stupid. 0%
Not sarcastic enough. 7%
Not stupid enough. 21%
Poorly-roundedness. 7%
Looking like a child. 0%
Arrogance (unwarranted.) 0%
Arrogance (warranted.) 21%
General bloody-mindedness. 7%
I hate that nathan asshole. 35%

Votes: 14

 give me advice.

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
May 02, 2002
While mighty in the fields of Mars, I'm sad to say that I'm vanquished in the courts of Venus. Since I've been using the Diaries as my personal agony column since October, I thought I might continue the trend and, now that my little personal libesverbot has passed, ask for some help from you, the good people of the Adequacy.

More diaries by nathan
Bartok violin concerto
religion has failed us.
addition to previous diary (sorry)
Why girls are better than boys
tangential point off h.a.'s recent diary
why boys and girls are different
new job!
objectivist club
Another Friday night
some light reading
the opposite sex
hey, alprazolam,
g**k math is not hard.
should women?
a new threat
wiccan woes
is Christianity theistically monistic?
Canada rules!
Burma Shave!
do some atheists hate religion?
First a little bit about myself. I am very fair-skinned, 5' 5" and 145 lbs, freckled with blue eyes and brown hair. I am male. I am in good shape; I run, and I go to the gym six days a week. I don't smoke, but I drink dedicatedly. I play chess well, and soccer badly. I have an undergraduate degree in music, and am pursuing a masters'. I don't have very much money, but I keep myself well dressed (for one thing, it is professionally necessary for me to do so; I budget clothes very tightly and buy used.)

I am a horrible snob, most likely. I love old books and old music. Right now I'm reading:

  • Hume's Treatise
  • Malory's Morte d'Arthur
  • A bunch of Dorothy Sayers novels I borrowed from a friend
  • Ulysses (hard work, one page at a time)
  • John Berger's The Success and Failure of Picasso (I picked it up when I couldn't find a copy of Into Their Labours and I really enjoyed it; rereading)

    So, externals are mostly in order. I have concluded my Miles Standish situation must therefore be caused by my personality. It hurts to admit that my personality flaws may be keeping me from finding love, but the first step to solving a problem is admitting its existence.

    Therefore, I invite you, the readers of the Adequacy, to tell me what I need to change about myself in order to finally become what the ladies are looking for.

    Thanks in advance,
    Your old pal,


    Luring the ladies. (5.00 / 2) (#1)
    by moriveth on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 01:50:31 AM PST
    First, acquire the requisite equipment. Then slap on some leather pants with a tight crotch and lounge about conspicuously in a park or subway reading David Foster Wallace. Finally, expand your repertoire of viola jokes--chicks dig 'em. Soon, all the sophisticated, horny ladies you desire will throw their lovely bodies at your feet, and their pert mouths at your...

    However, if you're so unfathomably hideous that even this normally sure-fire strategy fails, you have a few more options (in ascending order of desperation):
    Desperate. (You'd fit in perfectly with that crowd, actually)
    Pretty desperate
    Pretty fucking desperate

    But do give the whole process some thought. Many sophisticated gentlemen have lived fulfilled, misogynistic lives obsessing about unattainable females and jacking off to porn. And if you steer clear of certain vices, bachelorhood is far easier on the pocketbook.

    Hot damn, this is a loaded diary... (none / 0) (#2)
    by Illiterate Bum on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 01:55:00 AM PST
    Well nathan, have you ever considered that you just haven't found the right woman? Not to sound too much like an after-school special, but if you change any part of you for a certain someone, then you just won't be happy, you know? Our personalities are an integral part of who we are- in fact, one could say that they're the only part of who we are. A change in personality should be natural, and not forced by a wanton desire for the opposite sex. It might not seem like it, but there are women out there who enjoy mingling with sarcastic, arrogant intellectual types. Not many, mind you, but they do exist.

    Perhaps you should start looking for love in other places? I've met a very smart and quite lovely person at a Godspeed You Black Emperor show a while back at one of those "clubs"- I think you know the type I'm talking about. If that's not to your tastes (but you really should check out Godspeed- I believe that you'll enjoy them) I've also met some wonderful people at various art exhibitions in the area (mostly in the vein of modern art).

    Wait a minute- what type of girl are you trying to meet, nathan? Perhaps you should clarify, or else we're not going to be much help, are we? I mean, you're in college, right? You obviously don't want to just "get laid," as that's easy enough as it is in your current situation (the one part of movie-university life that ends up being true). I suppose we can assume that you want a deep, fulfilling relationship, then, or just someone to connect with? Someone that shares common interests, perhaps?

    Since most of us probably haven't met you, nathan, and can't pass personal judgment, perhaps the problem lies somewhere else? Are you unattractive? Maybe you're just shy in real life social situations? Or maybe it's the height? Statistically, most women prefer tall men.

    Anyway, specifics, man, specifics! We probably can't give you much help without clarification on certain points.

    "...normal, balanced people do not waste time posting to weblogs." --tkatchev

    I thought you were a girl (none / 0) (#3)
    by Anonymous Reader on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 02:09:45 AM PST
    from the tone of your previous posts. Perhaps this is indicative of a deep-seated problem you can't or won't face up to.

    I know you are a dork... (5.00 / 1) (#5)
    by hauntedattics on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 05:35:02 AM PST
    from the content of your post. Perhaps this is indicative of long-standing homophobia and a terminal case of immaturity that you can't or won't face up to.

    I quite agree madam, but (none / 0) (#14)
    by Anonymous Reader on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 05:38:30 PM PST
    it's not me who's on the couch here. I don't have any problems with who I am.

    Money. (none / 0) (#4)
    by Anonymous Reader on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 05:32:10 AM PST
    I'm afraid.....

    Ignore the whores. (none / 0) (#6)
    by tkatchev on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 06:33:20 AM PST
    A word of useless advice: you'll probably find what you are looking for if you stop thinking about sex.

    But that it probably not at all what you meant...

    Peace and much love...

    wtf man (5.00 / 1) (#13)
    by nathan on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 03:48:40 PM PST
    I thought you knew me better than that.

    Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

    An Easy Shortcut (none / 0) (#7)
    by doofus on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 10:29:33 AM PST

    A guy like you will never be appreciated by the typical female raised in today's US pop culture dominated world. You need someone different. Someone a little exotic (but too much so). Someone incredibly physically gorgeous but with no cultural reference points that tell her just how gorgeous she is.

    You need this.

    roofies (5.00 / 1) (#8)
    by elby on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 10:55:41 AM PST

    He's right, you know. (none / 0) (#10)
    by RobotSlave on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 11:58:30 AM PST
    There's no quicker path to sex than drugs.

    Let's say you're sitting in a bar, and you've been social enough to introduce yourself to a promising woman and make a bit of chit-chat. Nathan seem like a witty and relatively social sort, so I'm sure he can manage at least this much.

    The fastest and most reliable way to get that promising woman off of her bar-stool and into your apartment is to say, "hey, do you want to go do some drugs?"

    When the two of you arrive at the apartment, just put on some Stockhausen or whatever, do some drugs, and let things take their course.

    © 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

    If by 'take their course' you mean... (none / 0) (#11)
    by derek3000 on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 02:08:58 PM PST
    jumping out of the window.

    I've always wanted to have a little contest with my friends. Here are the materials needed:

    One small, stuffy room on the second floor of a building
    5 friends
    15 LSD tablets
    A CD of that sick, twisted opera about how fucked up Jesus was, cranked to 10
    One open window

    This is a great game because everyone wins, except the guy who jumps out of the window first.

    "Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

    Do it the old-fashioned way. (none / 0) (#12)
    by tkatchev on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 02:38:29 PM PST
    Actually, there is no need to waste money on expensive, synthetic LSD when common field toadstools will do just fine. Not to mention that toadstools are not illegal. (I'm pretty sure.)

    Peace and much love...

    It's always (none / 0) (#9)
    by derek3000 on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 11:20:55 AM PST
    happened to me when I stopped looking for it. Be a rugged individualist--the chicks will notice the fact that you don't care whether you're alone or not, and this is a sure-fire turn-on.

    "Feel me when I bring it!" --Gay Jamie

    Hmm... (5.00 / 1) (#15)
    by JoePain on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 05:46:16 PM PST
    At risk of not being taken serious for obvious reasons, my suggestion is to start easy and work up from their. Did you master reductions prior to mastering syllogism? I think not.

    I am not suggesting starting by shagging something completely rotten and easy, but perhaps with one of those average women you might meet by chance at a bookstore.

    Then be very assertive when talking to her by giving her the impression that her thoughts are unique, profound, and important to you. Just don't get caught snickering behind her back. It's a fun game, you will enjoy it.

    Then work your way up.



    oh please (none / 0) (#16)
    by nathan on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 06:15:41 PM PST
    I didn't say I was a virgin, nor did I say I am looking for a sex partner to manipulate and use like a mattress with a hole in it. Kindly read what I wrote, not what you projected onto it.

    Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

    Relax lil dude. (3.00 / 1) (#19)
    by JoePain on Fri May 3rd, 2002 at 06:26:12 AM PST
    I am shocked to learn you a liar. You are a virgin!

    It is obvious. The only people I know of who are 5'5 (besides my asian friends, which you are clearly not) are high school freshmen, the majority of which are virgins (at least where I am from.)

    In addition, all of the red heads I know have lost their freckles or had them fade by their twenties. This also leads me to suspect you're in your teens.

    I did read your post. I did not imply that you should find a sex toy (I believe i stated this very clearly. I forgive your assumption based on your inexperience with the matter, but I am disappointed because I thought I made this very clear.

    In any relationship there is a dominant individual and a dominated individual. This does not change from the realm of mars to venus. Few women appreciate men (or boys) they can easily dominate. Is this clear enough?

    The other crap in your journel is not the problem at all, there are plenty of arrogant men who have an easy time with women, even the ones who are difficult to attain. The difference is that they are not dominated by them as you obviously are. But don't fear! This is learned behavior you can fix!
    You will not be a virgin forever!

    Now take a deep breath and relax some.

    I apologize for not being more sensitive to your condition in my previous posts in your threads, and will make an honest attempt to be gentler and more considerate to your unbalanced, teen-aged, hormone charged brain as to avoid the embarrassment being the object of your "episodes".

    I will give my advice this time with more care. Start with a manageable woman, and then put what you learn to good use. I cannot recommend any books, because some things you must learn by experience. You will develop your social skills and with time your hormone levels will stablize. The rest will follow easily.

    Give them what they want (none / 0) (#17)
    by Peter Johnson on Thu May 2nd, 2002 at 07:52:59 PM PST
    You want the ladies, you've got to give them what they want. And no matter what anyone tells you, babes are interested in one thing and one thing only -- chocolate.
    Are you adequate?

    Not chocolate. (none / 0) (#18)
    by hauntedattics on Fri May 3rd, 2002 at 05:35:03 AM PST
    Actually, for some of us chicks, it's all about dairy products.

    Also for (5.00 / 1) (#20)
    by walwyn on Sat May 4th, 2002 at 04:40:06 PM PST
    some guys too.


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