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 God bless the Queen Mum

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Apr 05, 2002
The Queen Mum lies in state in Westminster Cathedral, the line of mourners and worshippers stretching miles into the dismal, rainy, foggy London day. One of the last links to Britain's finest hour has passed, and the United Kingdom will never be the same again.

Why did the Queen Mum hold such a place in the hearts of Englishmen? We here at consider it our duty to try and explain this attraction to our American cousins across the pond.


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Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon was born in London, in 1900, under Queen Victoria. The Bowes-Lyons were split their time between London and a castle in Scotland (rumored to be Macbeths), and were of noble stock. Growing up in Scotland, far from her Peers in London, Elizabeth had little to do but learn how to plot, and how to get her social needs met by interacting with the more plebian sorts, this common touch would suit her very well in the future.

Elizabeth's coming out was delayed by the onset of World War I, and the need for noble sacrifice for the state became deeply ingrained in her. When she was presented to society, she made quite an impression upon the King's second son, Albert. Before long, they were engaged, and she discovered a great thirst for the Royal life. But for a streak of anti-Americanism in the British monarchy, she would have remained a minor footnote in history.

When King George V, Albert and Edward's father (Edward being the heir to the throne), died in 1936, Edward ascended the throne, but with a catch. For Edward was seeing an American, Wallis Simpson, and swiftly the powers behind the throne made it known that he had no future as a King if he intended to marry an American. Edward did not want Duncan's fate, and choose love over Kingship, and renounced the throne. Lady Elizabeth was going to be Queen.

So, Prince Albert became King as King George VI, and Lady Elizabeth became his Queen, as the storm clouds of war darkened the horizon. Soon enough, Hitler was unfazed by being continually given every thing he asked for by the British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, and declared war on Poland. Britain has a defense treaty with Poland, and was once again embroiled in a war on the Continent.

This time, however, the war came home. Soon, the blitz was on, and nightly German bombers bombed London and a few other cities. This was England's finest hour, and Elizabeth's finest hour. She stood up to Nazi aggression by staying in Buckingham Palace, with naught but a few squadrons of Spitfires, Hurricanes, night-fighting Bristol Blenheims, Bofors anti-aircraft guns and Enigma intelligence reports to protect her from German bombs falling on the East End a few miles away.

Sadly, however, the war ended, and Britain began her precipitous slide. Her colonies started to revolt, and King George VI and Queen Elizabeth had to let the crown of the colonies, India, leave to pursue and independent life of squalor and nuclear threats with Pakistan, another former British colony.

In 1952 George died, and with that Queen Elizabeth was removed from power, and her daughter took over, taking the name of Queen Elizabeth II (as her mum, Queen Elizabeth was still alive). Queen Elizabeth then began to be called the Queen Mother, or Queen Mum if you want to be cheeky.

The new queen, Elizabeth II, promptly began to shirk England's burden and started to divest England of her overseas colonies, delivering them up to the first group of black, brown or yellow spear toting aborigines organized enough to start a demonstration against the crown. As a further symptom of Royal degeneration, she proceeded to live in sin with her consort, a Greek playboy named Phillip.

While mostly powerless, the Queen Mum still believed in England and sacrifice, and through her touch with the average bloke in the street, realized a true Royal would remind the people of a time when England mattered to the world. So, with but a few pounds million per year from the treasury, the Queen Mum began a life of Edwardian splendor, reminding England what they once had.

All was well with the Queen Mum, she was content being the most loved Royal, until a demure blonde with a winning smile captured the hearts of Fleet Street and the public. Yes, the public fell in love with Charles's Diana, and losing the limelight was a hard blow to the Queen Mum, even cushioned with a bottle of Beefeater a night. Of course, Diana did not measure up to the Queen Mum's strict standard of Royal behavior, and in a battle between a naive ingenue and an old woman who's lived a life of intrigue, well, we don't need to tell you who to bet on.

Finally, alone and bitter, privately railing against the degenerate monarchy, the last true Royal breathed her last, and now lies in state.


I borrowed the keys to the Abbey. (3.00 / 2) (#4)
by because it isnt on Fri Apr 5th, 2002 at 06:23:58 AM PST
Hands up here anyone who's a necrophilliac. -- because it isn't

You have... (none / 0) (#8)
by walwyn on Fri Apr 5th, 2002 at 02:03:23 PM PST
...been sold a pup. Wrong location.

She'll be carted there tonight, yes? (none / 0) (#17)
by because it isnt on Mon Apr 8th, 2002 at 07:25:43 AM PST
Ready for her mourning glory on Tuesday? Have I missed anything? -- because it isn't

Nope! (none / 0) (#19)
by walwyn on Mon Apr 8th, 2002 at 08:43:23 AM PST
They won't cart her carcass out of Westminster hall until just before the service in the Abbey, Tuesday morning.

Well,... (4.00 / 1) (#21)
by because it isnt on Mon Apr 8th, 2002 at 09:24:56 AM PST
we'll just have to DO IT DURING THE SERVICE then, won't we? I can't let a small detail like that upset my plans! -- because it isn't

Seize the moment. (none / 0) (#24)
by walwyn on Mon Apr 8th, 2002 at 11:27:40 AM PST
I might even tune in to watch.

Ding dong the witch is dead (none / 0) (#5)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Apr 5th, 2002 at 08:04:21 AM PST
About fucking time too. Another vestigal appendage to an outdated symbol of rape, murder, destruction and pilliage across history that is the British monarchy is finally gone. And I couldn't be happier.

Naziism!! (none / 0) (#6)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Apr 5th, 2002 at 08:10:22 AM PST

naziism? more like fascsim (none / 0) (#13)
by kingbilly on Sun Apr 7th, 2002 at 01:12:50 AM PST

The Queen Ma lent her support to Hitler's proposed pact with Britain that would've seen each of the two proud nations agree to never attack the other.

Her reasoning, like his, was that the ruling classes of both countries came from the same bloodline, and were therefore to be treated as brothers.

Herr Hitler planned to divide up the world between Germans and Britons, with the British Empire in Africa and South & East Asia matched with an equally-powerful German empire in those areas of the world that once were occupied by Rome - essentially Eastern Europe (home of the slav[e]s), the Middle East, North Africa and Western Asia.

King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, supported this plan to some extent, insofar as it guaranteed the continuity of Britain's God-given Empire. They didn't really care about the rest of the world, and were rather patronising towards Hitler (who was a mere commoner, after all), believing that he wouldn't really get very far with his plans.

Politically, the Royal family did not approvie of National Socialism - indeed, they thought it horrifically vulgar. They were very proud of their modernity, though - believing, as did many others, that liberal egalitarianism was an outdated, unfashionable ideal. Queen Elizabeth (now the Queen Mother) was particularly keen on this viewpoint, and was of the opinion that the future of government lay in a "modern", rational, well-structured authoritarian form.

So, her politics were therefore startlingly similar to those of the various European fascists, and indeed was a very good friend of British Union of Fascists leader, Sir Oswald Mosely.

This was not all that shocking in the mid-late 1930s - the general view of the political classes was that some form of top-down authoritarian restructuring of society was inevitable, and the major focus of debate at the time was whether it would be socialist/communist or fascist-led. Obviously, the ruling classes preferred fascism.

The British Conservative party had a policy of gracefully managing the decline of democracy, and were chiefly annoyed with Hitler because he was making too much noise, and pushing things too fast. Rogue liberals within the party, such as Winston Churchill, were sidelined.

By the time the "managed decline" policy was discredited in May, 1940, Queen Elizabeth railed at her husband for allowing Churchill to become Prime Minister, instead wish to see her friend, Lord Halifax take over. Halifax, of course, was a noted appeaser, and would surely have re-organised Britain along fascist lines.

@==========@ ~~irish out!~~ @==========@

Inciteful remarks (5.00 / 1) (#7)
by ICS Dempsey KBE on Fri Apr 5th, 2002 at 08:54:05 AM PST
As a further symptom of Royal degeneration, she proceeded to live in sin with her consort, a Greek playboy named Phillip

Foul Knave! Were you to utter that slanderous filth in my presence I would strike you down with as much force as my arm can deliver while simultaneously cringing from the touch of your disgusting countenance. Be assured, Mr. Geek, were you to set foot in the Queen's sovereign lands, I would pray the Duke allow me to defend the Queen's honor by being the first to challenge you.

Impressive (none / 0) (#9)
by walwyn on Fri Apr 5th, 2002 at 02:04:54 PM PST
The pagentry was impressive. It is a pity we don't get to see it more often.

bout time the bitch died (5.00 / 1) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Apr 5th, 2002 at 04:17:23 PM PST
england fuckin blows

ahem (none / 0) (#11)
by Rebseh on Fri Apr 5th, 2002 at 05:27:06 PM PST
Excuse me but is there printed anywhere that someone wants to know people opinions about England??? And what the hell do you have against it anyway ay?? What makes England blow so?
Not to soind mean now but it was about time that she died but it was good having her here.

A sigh of relief... (none / 0) (#12)
by Anonymous Reader on Sat Apr 6th, 2002 at 12:37:20 AM PST
Famed alcoholic fag hag, Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother, holder of a title invented especially for her, finally died, aged 101. The death of anyone, such as the millions of British children murdered under abortion during the Queen Mum's tenure, or Britain's indigenous White population, now in danger of utter and final total extinction under a process in which Her Majesty did absolutely nothing except drink pink gins and smile, is no reason for celebration. Still, it is a reason to reflect.

Her Majesty was a lowly "commoner." Of low title, she married the semi-negroid (thanks to a mixup in the Portuguese royal family, who handed George III a mulatress wife) future George VI only to undermine the legitimate King, Edward VIII. And then pressured her husband to renege on numerous deals he struck with his brother when Edward (a friend of Germany) wimped out and abdicated (normal people quit).

She was also a Jewess of Tetley Tea fame. Other sources claim her as the offspring of a charwoman and a randy titled fop. After seeing off the UK and Empire in WWII George of course died--killed off with a good dose of cocaine and morphine--a speedball that killed him, and later equally useless people such as Belushi and Hendrix--in order for his death to make the first edition of The Times. Had the inbred freak actually read Britain's potential savior, Oswald Mosely, instead of simply signing off on his internment in a concentration camp, he would have seen that all Mosley's predictions--loss of Empire, economic ruin and genetic devastation--were coming to pass even as George's own life ended. The rest of the Queen Mum's life was spent in an alcoholic haze, with her only non-liquid fun the coterie of elderly queers she amassed around herself. The only good line she ever uttered occured once when she ran short of hooch; on the intercom she called down to the large wine cellar all you Brits pay for, only to hear all the homos shooting the breeze. "When all you queens have finished gossiping," she said, "this Old Queen needs a drink!" Yes, Ma'am!

In her long life, she saw the UK engage in two fratricidal wars, numerous colonial "dustups" that still echo now, the mass post-War invasion of the British Isles of Babus, Baboons, Muslims, and assorted riff-raff. And all this on the backs of the people of the British Isles. Shakespeare, in Richard III, put words into the mouth of Queen Margaret, words that, were the Mum not hammered so much, could have gone for her also.

"So, now prosperity begins to mellow. Drop into the rotten mouth of death. Here in these confines slily have I lurk'd, to watch the waning of mine enemies. A dire induction am I witness to, hoping the consequence Will prove as bitter, black, and tragical."

The other side of the story... (5.00 / 3) (#14)
by TheoJM on Sun Apr 7th, 2002 at 04:52:33 PM PST
And yet, throughout all this, what amazes me is how little attention is payed to the personal battles the Queen Mother faced after the death of her beloved Georgie.

Who, nowadays, could relate the details of her valiant campaign against Kaiser Wilhelm III's evil Nazi forces in the 1960s? Or of the terrible battle she raged in Switzerland against Mussolini's rag-tag band of Ninjas?

It was these stresses that eventually took their tolls on her body, and eventually invasive surgery was necessary. Over the next decade, in a series of operations cunningly disguised as hip replacements, it was necessary to replace her body with a cyborg one; and not a moment too soon, for it was then that Zombie Lenin's army of dwarves seized Rockall.

(Some people would have you believe this was the work of Hitler; poppycock. There never was a real Hitler; the Nuremberg rallies were given by a cunningly crafted hand puppet, operated from behind the podium by - yes, you guessed it - Kaiser Wilhelm III!)

Of course, she could never have done all this without the love and support of her family and people, and the magical powers which her grandson Charles so poignantly addressed in his epitaph, and through which she lives on in our hearts, awaiting the day when evil shall rise again!

Why can't the BBC do documentaries on that Queen Mum?

Holy Shit (1.00 / 1) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Sun Apr 7th, 2002 at 05:48:16 PM PST
I I'm not sure if the people who post here are joking, or just incredibly ignorant. Mussolini and Ninjas in Switzerland? What the fuck? Pull your heads out fo your asses

Well, it is bliss... (5.00 / 1) (#16)
by Illiterate Bum on Sun Apr 7th, 2002 at 10:14:41 PM PST
I'm afraid, my dear Anonymous Reader, that you have just displayed your own ignorance.

"...normal, balanced people do not waste time posting to weblogs." --tkatchev

This is old news... (5.00 / 1) (#18)
by DiceMan on Mon Apr 8th, 2002 at 08:37:35 AM PST
The Queen Mother actually died several weeks ago, however it was important that the Palace got the timing right, so as to cause the maximum amount of grief to the British Public as possible. If the death of the Queen Mother was not met with the same heart-felt mourning equivalent to that which met the announcement of the death of Diana, there would be several major constitutional questions asked and quicker than you could say 'Viva la Revolution!' all of us English (the Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish would fuck off at the idea of anything that is newer than 300 years old) would be in a disastrous Republic, most probably with the corrupt Mark Fowler from Eastenders as President (he's very popular with the champagne socialists that have infested parliament because he's on the TV a lot).

So, to cause the maximum grief the Palace announced the death over Easter Bank Holiday Weekend. Whilst the British Public were looking forward to 4 days lazing around not having to do any work, their precious Easter TV schedules were being scrapped and replaced with vomit-inducing tributes and obit tapes filmed sometime last year detailing the life of the 'wonderful' Queen Mother. Sickened with the loss of a repeat showing of 'Air America' on BBC1 on the Saturday night, genuinely despairing at the loss of the 'Lottery Jetset' program being replaced with bad news coverage, the public went out onto the streets mourning - mourning the loss of any reasonable TV programming over the coming 4 days. Some people were so distraught they started buying flowers and leaving them outside random buildings which coincidentally were Royal Palaces. And so, the news crews got their pictures, and it became acceptable to gawp.

Next stage, we have the gawpers - the people who have to be there 'because it's part of history'. Those individuals who are there not to show respect to the memory of the Queen Mother, but because they want to say they were there. The TV was rubbish, so where else would they be? Their insincere comments made in front of camera to Jenny Bond about how 'loved' she was (so when they got home they would be able to watch themselves which would make up for not being able to watch a re-run of Dad's Army), mixed with admittedly brave sentiments expressed by members of the Royal Palace, piled into a heady concoction that resulted in a forced mourning for somebody not many people took much notice of. The TV even now is still rubbish, and people whilst back at work are mourning because there is nothing else to do. Beautifully executed, but would have been ineffective if her death had been announced when there was some crap telly on.

That's what I think anyway.

Visions (4.50 / 2) (#20)
by because it isnt on Mon Apr 8th, 2002 at 09:21:43 AM PST
The Queen Mother actually died several weeks ago, however it was important that the Palace got the timing right

You know, I can picture the scene of tomorrow's rites just now....

The assembled crowd is hushed. The Queen, her royal forehead beaded with nervous sweat, stands to address the mourners assembled. "Maye loyal subjects..."

Suddenly, a mysterious man bursts into the chequered hall, pursued by the Yeoman of the guard and his beefeaters. The figure, clad in an irradiant turquoise shellsuit, approaches the guards around the Queen Mother's coffin. He raises a small pipe to his lips, and promptly the front two guards keen over.

Now upon the coffin, and in full view of the TV cameras, he draws a razor-sharp blade from its sheath on his back. With a single movement, he guts the nation's favourite granny from crotch to gullet. The crowd gasps in astonishment.

Suddenly, a high-pitched wail blasts out from the coffin. The Queen Mum's body starts to deform. A giant lizard, over 20 feet tall, punches and tears its way out of her frail body. "NOW DO YOU SEE THE TRUTH?" screams the man, but he is flung against the Abbey wall with a single blow from the angry, bleeding lizard... -- because it isn't

You understand, and yet your mind won't let go. (none / 0) (#22)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Apr 8th, 2002 at 09:40:14 AM PST
I detect a hint of sarcasm in your final paragraph. You are alluding to things which you lack the mental abilities to fully understand. I suggest you re-read 'The biggest secret', but this time actually try and read it with an open mind. I realise the intellectual difficulty this presents, but trust me, it is worth it.

You cannot understand the enormity of what is going on unless you read Icke with an open mind.

If you read Icke's books with a closed mind, he will tend to come across as a raving lunatic. What you must understand is that this appearance of lunacy is generated by your own lack of will to see the truth.

The Truth can be a very very scary thing. Not surprisingly most of us will choose the blue pill.

Not much of a secret, then. (none / 0) (#23)
by because it isnt on Mon Apr 8th, 2002 at 10:52:53 AM PST
You cannot understand the enormity of what is going on unless you read Icke with an open mind.

Whoa there! This is that whole "seeing with eyes not clouded by hate" thing, isn't it? I flunked that one at school.

If you read Icke's books with a closed mind, he will tend to come across as a raving lunatic.

Actually, going on national TV to announce on a chat show that you are the Son of God is far more effective in convincing people you are a lunatic. -- because it isn't

fantastic! (none / 0) (#25)
by Mr Somebody on Tue Apr 9th, 2002 at 05:58:03 AM PST
I've just listenned to the funeral on the radio, and unfortunately the powers that be manged to keep Ickey boy out the way, damn shame!

Queen Mum (none / 0) (#26)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 05:01:02 PM PST
How did she mean so much to englishmen?? Maybee you forget that the royal family is in fact that of Great Britian, not just england (no matter how much you may think they are). Also, and more importantly, SHE WAS SCOTISH, not english!!

Its strange (none / 0) (#28)
by walwyn on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 05:29:36 AM PST
because the English unlike the Irish and Americans don't usually like scottish queens.

Traitors - Hang 'em (none / 0) (#27)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 05:04:41 PM PST
Also, all you anti-royalists or anti-monarchy or whatever you wanna be called, you should be more patriotic! Either support the home team, or get the hell out of the stadium!


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