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Poll
What to do about scarce natural resources?
Learn to live more simply, less wastefully 9%
Develop technological solutions 0%
Allow the wisdom of the market to find a solution 18%
GRAB ALL YOU CAN, GRAB IT *NOW*, AND KILL ANYONE WHO GETS IN THE WAY 18%
Something to do with fucking, I hope 36%
Cannibalism. The annswer to all humanity's problems is cannibalism 18%

Votes: 11

 The Time To Act Is Now

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Apr 15, 2002
 Comments:
At present it would appear that the wealthier countries of the world are comfortably flush with resources. Gas prices are tolerably low, there is plenty of natural gas and coal, and even precious metals are in abundant supply. There remains however, one absolutely essential resource which is becoming more and more scarce. That resource is fresh water.
diaries

More diaries by Chocolate Milkshake
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Fellowship Of The Rings Comparative Movie Review
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9/11 and Class Conflict
I'm very disappointed with Noam Chomsky
Thoughts on Lee Harvey Oswald's widow's affair with his Brother
Hmmmmm...
Blade II And The Twilight Of Science
Human Nature (the movie) and a question about hair
Four Spider-Man movies reviewed
Can't Sleep? Blame God.
Don't Do What Scooby-Doo Does
Summer Blockbuster Showdown!!!
The world's reserves of fresh water are being used up at an unprecedented rate. Every year, it seems, the constituents of humanity get thirstier and filthier, our lawns ever more expansive, our supplies of powdered drinks ever burgeoning, our cars more and more covered with road grime and birdshit. All of which necessitates we use more and more water. At present, several important North American aquifers are at dangerously low levels. The implications of this can be seen by examining other, less developed countries.

The citizens of Bolivia are faced with the tough choice between privatizing the water supply and facing severe water shortages in the more populous areas of the country. It is only a matter of time before similar crises are confronted in the United States. Clearly, the time to act is now, before our once-proud nation is forced to bow and scrape before self-interested multinational corporations and WTO-style bureaucracies in order to obtain sufficient supplies of fresh water.

The solution to this problem lies metaphorically, right over our heads - on a map, that is. The time has come for the United States to annex the North Pole and secure for its citizens a long-lasting source of fresh water. Our country is uniquely equipped for this thanks to our enormous, well-equipped Naval forces and large Eskimo population. Annexing the North Pole would largely be a paper matter (I suppose congress would pass some sort of Constitutional Amendment or something), as no other countries are realistically in any position to challenge us.

Once our territorial rights to the pole are secured on paper, we could then set up luxurious, high-tech settlements, which volunteers from among our brave Eskimo citizens (and possibly some Minnesotans) could occupy to truly establish the Pole as American property. These Eskimo colonists could practice their traditional lifestyles, hunting seals and building igloos and whatnot, and would also operate the early-warning stations used to call in air/naval strikes against any forces seeking to pilfer our polar water reserves.

The United States has now at hand an excellent opportunity to seize and hold a tremendous supply of fresh water for its citizens. We must act now to absorb and defend the North Pole. If we do this, come the it-will-be-here-a-lot-sooner-than-you-think future, as other nations parch and whither in the arid furnace of drought, our children's children will slide laughing into their swimming pools, rinse their glistening sports cars, and sip cool iced teas while sitting on the lush cool grass of their lawns, all the while keeping deep in their hearts a deep, clear reservoir of gratitude toward us their forebears for our foresight and direct action.

       
Tweet

Hmm (none / 0) (#1)
by DG on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 02:57:52 AM PST
well i believe we need to stop wasting water on washing cars, and swimming pools and such.. i know the communal pools arn't the greatest, but it seems to me we need to conserve water without resorting to melting iceburgs in the far north, i think it would do more damage than good we could melt too much and screw ourselves in the end.. nice thought though
2002, DG. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

Who is this "we" you speak of ? (5.00 / 1) (#3)
by dmg on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 04:39:18 AM PST
i believe we need to stop wasting water on washing cars, and swimming pools and such

YOU can drive around in a filthy vehicle and swim around in a festering swimming pool tainted with other people's bodily wastes if you wish.

I don't see why I should join you. Let me guess, you're a liberalist, aren't you ?

time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
-- MC Hawking

 
Well, sort of... (none / 0) (#9)
by Chocolate Milkshake on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 01:23:50 AM PST
While I wholehartedly support all water conservation efforts, the fact remains that there are too many stupid/evil/lazy people in the world for such efforts to be effective in the short term. Our only recourse is to sieze the Pole now, while such an action can be completed relatively bloodlessly.

I would hate for America to dilly-dally until the worldwide scramble for water begins in earnest, and we are forced to incinerate thousands of foreign soldiers just to take the Pole back from the occupying forces of some rogue state.


 
Where does it go? (none / 0) (#2)
by Blarney on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 03:30:59 AM PST
I've heard it said that around here the city water system takes about 3 times as much water from the river as it actually delivers to tomers. Where does the rest of it go?

Somebody is stealing our water already!


remember that TV show 'V'? (none / 0) (#4)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 04:49:48 AM PST
nuff said!


You mean 'Dynasty in Space'? (none / 0) (#6)
by jvance on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 11:24:09 AM PST
Joan Collins would have made a good lizard. Oh - wait...
--
Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

Of course, nowadays, (none / 0) (#11)
by because it isnt on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 02:26:27 AM PST
Joan Collins wouldn't even make a good handbag. Ah well.
adequacy.org -- because it isn't

Dear boy (5.00 / 1) (#13)
by walwyn on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 04:40:03 AM PST
her sloughs have kept the fashion industry in raw material for years.


 
Beautiful. (none / 0) (#5)
by hauntedattics on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 10:58:45 AM PST
As someone living in the drought-ridden Northeast, I wholeheartedly concur.

Unlike a whole slew of other diary entries I could mention (including my own), this one is well-written, concise and of general interest to the Adequacy readership. Why didn't you submit it as a story? It is unquestionably deserving of story-hood.



I was going to submit it as a story... (none / 0) (#10)
by Chocolate Milkshake on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 01:51:20 AM PST
...but it seemed somehow inadequate. Too short, not enough links. One of these days I'll try submitting something.

I liked your diary, BTW, especially the part about "the population spilling out into the water and pushing slowly up the sides of cliffs": nice. Part 2 coming soon, I hope?


Nah. (none / 0) (#15)
by hauntedattics on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 11:03:09 AM PST
Not inadequate. And as for links, I always go for quality over quantity. It tends to piss people off less if they don't have to click on links to worthless sites.

Part 2 is coming soon, I think. I've gotten a bit distracted by a local issue that may come up first, though.



 
This is not a problem for Minnesotans (none / 0) (#7)
by JoePain on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 11:27:58 AM PST
As we have a rather large lake and Canadia to drain water from. (And 4 watersheds.. i think we should damn the Mississippi at the Iowa border and horde what we have.. if I was only governor *sigh*)

I have a solution for those who don't have enought water. Move. You dumb east coast bastards clump together like cattle and then wonder why you run out. (The liberalist herd mentality applies especially to those who live in cities... note the election map.) Just don't come here-- we don't want the herd to screw up our water supply like you did to your own. Try Alaska, they need a few people and will pay the lazy ones just for living there. (Or possibly go to the north pole and be squatters.)

In short, quit whining about not having enough water. You know your options.




Iowa Dares You! (none / 0) (#8)
by gzt on Mon Apr 15th, 2002 at 05:56:00 PM PST
Damn you for damning the Mississippi. You know we only take holy water in Iowa. See "Field of Dreams". The holy water is the reason we're mistaken for heaven.

Yeah, become governor, why dontcha? We Iowans have long wanted an excuse to declare war on Minnesota. We need our bloody lebensraum. Besides, you people talk funny.

Cheers,
GZ


btw.. why is southern MN so windy? (none / 0) (#14)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 05:17:55 AM PST
because Iowa sucks!


Congrats (none / 0) (#16)
by gzt on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 02:50:17 PM PST
...on your petty provincialism. You're only saying that because you hate people who are different from you.


I am sorry, I will work harder to improve that. (none / 0) (#17)
by JoePain on Wed Apr 17th, 2002 at 09:38:09 AM PST
I have already worked hard to overcome my provincialarianist upbringing. Indeed, it is a barrier to my perfection that needs work. This is one reason why I chose to live on one side of the border rather than the other even though the rent is cheeper there. I am glad you pointed this out because I was confused as to why I would do this. Is there a method you have come across that I could use to become an unprovincialarianist and perhaps increase my perfection?


 
Folks cain't jest up n' move (5.00 / 1) (#12)
by Chocolate Milkshake on Tue Apr 16th, 2002 at 02:47:58 AM PST
Topography is an essential part of what makes America great. Purple Mountains Majesty, Fruited Plains, Oceans White With Foam, Corn As High As An Elephant's Eye, and all that. When people choose to settle in a certain region of this magnificent country, they do so in part becauseof that region's unique features.

From the sun-drenched, gila monster-dotted deserts of the Southwest, to the great forests of the Pacific Northwest full of owls and hippies, the grassy, rolling hills of the South, or the great metropolitan areas of the Northeast, so rife with history, culture, and sophisticated standup comedians, Americans are drawn to a particular area because it speaks to their souls.

Dammit, man, you can't expect people to pack up and leave just because they ran out of clean water. Far better simply to annex the North Pole and set up a system of tanker ships and pipelines to provide fresh water to all Americans, regardless of which part of the country they may have chosen to spend their lives in.


 

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