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 How I Killed God

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Mar 07, 2002
I like to hear myself talk. I won't admit it, but I do. Especially on days like this when it is too wet to go outside. Let me tell you a story.
I studied under the greatest intellectual leaders of our time: Plato, Aristotle, Kant, Hitler, Lenin, Reagan, etc. These men are legends in their fields, and are soley responsible for the continued existence of humanity. I worked with these men as if I were their own son. I took careful notes of their every word and movement. Consequently, I became unsurpassed in my knowledge and abilities. A god among men, if you will.

During the War of Northern Aggression, I performed my first miracle. We were all marching through a muddy forest when suddenly one of my comrades (name withheld to protect the innocent) fell before enemy fire. While I did not know this man's history, we had gotten drunk together many a night, and I considered him a friend. When I saw him fall it was as if God himself had slapped me in the face. I knew my friend was dead. In a fit of rage I shook my fist at the sky and said, "I will destroy you." No, I wasn't talking about the Union soldier who shot him, nor was I talking about the Union army.... I was talking to God. I swore on that day that I would destroy the Christian God, Yahweh. The god who allowed my friend to die.

Now how does one slay a god? I didn't really know the answer myself. I took a gulp of whiskey and lay down in the mud beside my friend's corpse to think about it for a while. As I listened to the trees creaking in the wind and gunshots in the distance, my blazing rage began to subside, and a cool calculating hatred washed over my soul. Indeed, I had killed before, many times, but those were just men. Anyone can kill a man. Anyone. But one thing I learned when I killed was that the best way to kill was to ram the bayonet through the body, as if aiming at a target behind it, and not at the body itself. The body doesn't exist -- you go right through it. I decided that in the same way I could kill a god.

Taking my Bible out (many soldiers carried Bibles with them in those days), I focused my thoughts. As I held the book in my hand I didn't think about godslaying, but rather non-godslaying. It is hard to describe, but it is sort of like thinking about something and not thinking about it at the same time. As I concentrated, the book began to become fuzzy and fade... my hand began to tingle. In a last gasp of concentration I closed my eyes.

When I opened them again I knew I had succeeded. I had killed a God. I had performed Man's greatest miracle.

Not much had changed, though, when I opened my eyes. In fact, I still held the Bible in my hand. But when I opened it I found it was different. Not in a major way, but in minor ways. No longer did the stories all make sense.. in fact many contradictions could easily be found. Some of it sounded downright crazy.

As time passed and the war ended, others began to doubt the Good Book. What had previously seemed logical had suddenly become questionable and almost laughable. A man who rose from the dead? Some guy living in a whale's belly? Crazy talk! People tried to think back and figure out why they had believed so strongly in Christ, but they couldn't recall. Something had changed, sometime. And they doubted.


Read (none / 0) (#1)
by jvance on Thu Mar 7th, 2002 at 05:29:16 PM PST
"The Karamazov Caper" by Gordon Ecklund.

The words of the character Redburn:
"Hes done gone and been slain murdered killed snookered bumped off demised by a dagger in the hand of the devil driven through His once beating heart. How did it come to occur? you may well ask. I say it occurred when mankind distracted Him with a deed so foul and dreadful that He was set back rocking on His godly heels and the devil took advantage of the instant and plunged in the blade and that was that..."
Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

You know, (none / 0) (#2)
by hauntedattics on Thu Mar 7th, 2002 at 06:36:56 PM PST
Graham Greene did it first. And better.

Weren't you leaving Adequacy forever or something?

heh (none / 0) (#3)
by PotatoError on Thu Mar 7th, 2002 at 06:38:20 PM PST
this guy is just trying to make a more contraversial diary than mine!!!

How I killed god? id have never thought of that topic!

You already have (none / 0) (#4)
by Ben Reid on Thu Mar 7th, 2002 at 07:12:46 PM PST
How I killed god? id have never thought of that topic!

It is already implied in your diaries and comments.

re (none / 0) (#8)
by Richard C Suquer on Fri Mar 8th, 2002 at 09:42:32 PM PST
Your diary inspired me.... it looks like your diary is winning in number of comments though.

Revolution from Below! GPL the Constitution!

The Christian God... (none / 0) (#5)
by tkatchev on Fri Mar 8th, 2002 at 12:44:56 AM PST not "Yahweh".

Read the Bible first, maybe then we'll talk.

Peace and much love...

You didn't kill God. (none / 0) (#6)
by because it isnt on Fri Mar 8th, 2002 at 05:01:12 AM PST
I think we killed him a long time before you did.

And I hope you're not claiming to have done the deed after 1 Jan 2000... -- because it isn't

kinda fuzzy on one thing (none / 0) (#7)
by innominate on Fri Mar 8th, 2002 at 06:00:41 AM PST
at this point:
"I closed my eyes.

When I opened them again I knew I had succeeded"

Why leave out the gory details on how you killed that which does not live in the physical?
Thanks for the blatant mystery.
Love the story though...


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