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I should redo my kitchen floor with
Linoleum 11%
Urethane tile 0%
Ceramic tile 11%
Pergo 22%
Porcelain tile 0%
Marble 44%
The dead bodies of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard, stacked like cordwood. 11%

Votes: 9


 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Mar 26, 2002
The previous owners of my house were bastards. Every last one of them.

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Don't bother finishing the garage firewall all the way to the roof. Just tack some packaging paper and scrap wood panelling up there. Nobody'll know the difference.

Cracks in the wall? Cover them with spackle! Don't bother using a tool to smooth it when your fingers will do.

Say, these bathroom wall heaters need a ground. Lets tie them to the hot water pipe. Who cares if there's a 30 volt potential between that and neutral.

I'll bet these lime green aluminum faux tiles will go great with the pink sinks and bathtub. And these dark wood veneer doors are beautiful. Let's paint them!

Dryer vent? What's that?

What should I hook this bell transformer up to? The supply romex? Naw, why do that when I can short-circuit this light switch. As an added bonus, the spare bedroom light will turn on when the doorbell rings.

If the last owner wasn't dead already, I'd blow his brains out.


And yet you bout it (none / 0) (#1)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Mar 26th, 2002 at 05:24:13 PM PST

Do you wanna sell? (none / 0) (#2)
by Ben Reid on Tue Mar 26th, 2002 at 05:30:36 PM PST
I found some potential buyers.

Wow... (5.00 / 4) (#3)
by poltroon on Tue Mar 26th, 2002 at 09:02:45 PM PST
It sounds like you're sitting in a potential Turner prize.

Martin Creed #451 (none / 0) (#4)
by jvance on Tue Mar 26th, 2002 at 09:33:58 PM PST
"Homeowner Electrocuted in Attic"

Give me about 45 minutes, then call him.
Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

A home inspection... (none / 0) (#5)
by John Wainright on Tue Mar 26th, 2002 at 11:36:31 PM PST
By a licensed contractor before purchase should have found a few of these problems... except for the tasteless decor.
Caveat emptor.
Sounds like this was an estate sale?
You could have got comp from the estate to have these items fixed if they were over a certain amount.

Unfortunately not (none / 0) (#6)
by jvance on Wed Mar 27th, 2002 at 02:01:20 AM PST
The home inspector missed the firewall problem and doorbell. Both of these are safety problems and they have now been remedied. The '50s lime green tile and pink tub and sinks are gone too, replaced by cultured marble.

Adequacy has turned into a cesspool consisting of ... blubbering, superstitious fools arguing with smug, pseudointellectual assholes. -AR

At least (none / 0) (#7)
by Shinkansen on Wed Mar 27th, 2002 at 06:13:31 AM PST
Atleast the repairs were with cultured marble, rather then cultured mayo.

Because 30,000 burning nuns can't be wrong...


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