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Over the past couple months I have been conducting an experiment; I wanted to see how people behaved when they didn't think anyone was watching them.
The results were, to say the least, quite astonishing. And disturbing.
As part of the experiment, I felt that it was necessary for me to obtain a job in a semi-respectable industry so that I could observe intelligent people in their native habitat. So, I ended up getting a low-ranking position with a company that handles titles (I essentially just organize files and wank off 94% of the time).
To give my coworkers the illusion that I was merely a peon, or an idiot, I made sure to come to work each day with a bland, unstyled haircut, poorly chosen color combinations with my clothes, no cologne, and a partially unshaved face. I have also decided, partially to amuse myself, and partly to see how others react to it, to act like Prince Myshkin of 'The Idiot' (well, I don't make myself go into seizures, but other than that, I like to make myself appear as Christ-like as possible; and no, I don't have any shame at all).
The first week on the job went fairly well, aside from the confusion inherent in learning the ropes and figuring out routines for all the little crap and getting to know what your supervisors and fellow workers like you to do for them.
One chick seemed to have the hots for me but I wasn't really in the mood to get all that cozy with her (I'm 20 years old and I'd rather burn in the deepest, darkest pits of hell than get into a relationship with a single mother). I could've played by the rules but she just wasn't my type; she was an alcoholic and seemed to be on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I don't need that kind of stress in my life.
Week two went a little better, mainly because I wasted the vast majority of my time tormenting this poor girl by pretending that I was interested in her. It's amazing how you can keep someone's attention for so long without actually sleeping with them.
Anyhow, at this point I had pretty much settled into my job and I got my routines down pat and I was able to do my chores fairly quickly, leaving plenty of time for recreation. I initially started off by being fairly social with the people around me, but when I realized that they all had exceptionally boring lives (do you really think I want to listen to you talk about how you forgot to set your alarm clock or hear you babble endlessly about whatever asinine thing comes across your mind every damn minute?), I decided to take a different approach to things. I started by withdrawing into my own little world, spending less and less time actually talking to fellow workers and more time listening to them talk to each other (or to themselves in some cases).
I learned more about them this way than I did when I was actually conversing with them because they felt the need, for some odd reason, to lie to me all the time despite the fact that I always told them the truth when they asked me questions about my personal life or when I volunteered to cough up information to them. I guess it's not wholly unnatural for people to spew bullshit towards people that they think are less intelligent than them and can't tell a lie from anything else; oh well, it just made it that much easier for me to make their lives miserable.
I remember going up to a girl on the wednesday of the third week and hitting on her. The conversation went something like this:
Me, to girl: "H-how are you, s-s-sweetie?"
And then I ran into the restroom. I was so embarrassed by what happened that I couldn't bear to face her the rest of the day. It was terrible.
It wasn't all bad, though...while in the WC I masturbated to thoughts of her naked and got a few loads out onto the toilet seat. In my nervousness and haste, I ran out without cleaning up after myself; in retrospect, I think that might have been a mistake, but nothing has come of it, so I'm pretty sure that nothing bad will happen to me (aside from the possibility of spending an eternity in hell for spiting Jesus).
Weeks four and five were pretty boring, but I did have the pleasure of making the acquaintance of four Jewish girls who enjoyed ridiculing me in Yiddish, apparently thinking that I couldn't understand what they were saying. How typical of Jews.
Week six went a bit better, but not really. I met a rather cute girl who was about 4 inches shorter than me, petite, brown-haired, and Slavic-looking (well, at least she wasn't a mexican or a negro), and I went through my typical routine of fumbling around and making myself look like a fool. I asked her for her "ph-ph-phone numberrr", and naturally, she gave me a fake one. I can't exactly say that I was surprised, but it was slightly disappointing nonetheless.
Anyhow, she seemed to enjoy fucking with my head and pretending that she was/is interested in me (she's still doing this). It felt kinda weird having someone play my own tricks on me but I went along with it anyhow. On the plus side, she doesn't seem to be all that bothered by my looking at her ass or breasts all the time (I can always play the mental retardation card if she gets suspicious anyhow, so no worries there). Sometimes I'll gaze lovingly at her crotch and fantasize about dumping a few gallons of my hot manseed inside of her tummy.
And then there was the previous week which was pretty boring in and of itself; nothing interesting happened at all, aside from my getting to watch this chick fail at advancing herself up the corporate ladder (the guy she was trying to impress kept ridiculing her attempts). And she somehow got it into her bright mind to try bleaching her hair herself; she came into work with the top of her head orange and the lower half of her hair was brown (I guess nobody ever told her why brunettes shouldn't attempt that).
Mmmmmm...I want to get her pregnant. =)
And, uh, I guess that's it. Or something.