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 Help Save Me!!!

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jan 15, 2002
He's not around today. Dr. Cortez has flown away with some of his drinking buddies leaving us typists to our own wits. Since he never actually sits down and reads this site (we have to read it out loud to him while he gets a massage), I feel safe in saying this:

SAVE ME!! While the other slutty ass hoes Dr. Cortez manages to hire like his style, let me tell you, Dr. Cortez is a freak. Today, while out, he said he is going to a place called "Hot Topics" to buy a ball and chain. He then mentioned Home Depot to get some aircraft cable "for the fun part". Can you belive that? He's going to strap us down to his king size bed, and play as he calls it "He-man". Yesterday was "team building day", were we would all scurry around the bed with the very same (and very drunk) drinking buddies he is going out with today. Can you belive that most of his "typists" (who can barely type 15 words a minute or spell I might add) were former porn stars? Porn Stars! All of them have huge breasts; it's sick and wrong to see so much cleavage in one day.

Please, I beg of you, if you are looking for a good, clean, disease free typist who you dont plan on screwing every five minutes, SAY SOMETHING!!! HELP ME!!!


More diaries by Martino Cortez PhD
Good Morning Nobile Sirs
Dearest Adequacy Readors
Deor Adequecy Readers
Martin-Cortez Newsletter, Issue 1 v I
Martin-Cortez Newsletter - Issue 2, Vol I
Martin Cortez Newsletter, Issue 3, Vol 1
Martin-Cortez Financial Newsletter Issue 4, Vol 1
Martin-Cortez Financial Newsletter Issue 5, Vol 1
Dear Anonymous Reader Sir,
Martin Cortez Newsletter, Issue 5, Vol 1.
Dr William King Sir,
Martin Cortez Newsletter
Good Evening Dear Sirs,
Sir, Wherefore art thou adequate?
Dearest Adequacy Readers,
Dear Sirs,
Mr. Milosovic Sir,
A plea from a busy corporate executive
Dear Sirs,


question (none / 0) (#1)
by lordzork on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 07:18:34 AM PST
what are you going to do when he gets back and sees this diary entry that you've posted using his account?

Moron (none / 0) (#2)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 07:59:39 AM PST
You are a moron.

When (if) you read books, do you open them up somewhere in the middle and just start reading? People like you are a perfect illustration of why we need internet licenses.

Dear slut, (none / 0) (#3)
by osm on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 12:30:59 PM PST
The sad truth is, you are damaged goods. You are no Natalie Portman. You are no Eva Habermann. You are impure. You are unclean. You are tainted. Damaged goods. Please revel in your misery. You are getting everything you deserve.

You disgust me (5.00 / 1) (#6)
by Slobodan Milosevic on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 05:41:00 PM PST
I find your immature, and non-respectful attitudes towards those of the opposite sex to be highly infantile. You are no better than those that you profess to hate in this respect. Perhaps one day, you will grow up. Until that day arrives, no one will take anything you say seriously. Your oppinions will always be worth the grain of salt from which they were prematurely born.

Thank you.

Actually (5.00 / 1) (#7)
by hauntedattics on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 06:18:07 PM PST
as a card-carrying member of the opposite sex, I have to say that I find osm sweet, and the consistency of his opinions comforting in this ever-changing, often inconsistent world.

But I could just be a masochistic glutton for punishment.

LOL! (none / 0) (#8)
by osm on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 06:20:54 PM PST
as a card-carrying member of the opposite sex, I have to say that I find osm sweet,


What (none / 0) (#9)
by hauntedattics on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 06:27:09 PM PST
is so hard to believe, the fact that I find you sweet or the fact that I'm a girl?

the fact you are a girl who finds me "sweet&q (none / 0) (#10)
by osm on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 06:28:55 PM PST

Well (none / 0) (#12)
by hauntedattics on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 07:08:40 PM PST
you know, there's no accounting for taste...

HA, you disgust me. (none / 0) (#13)
by osm on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 07:11:18 PM PST

Card? (none / 0) (#15)
by First Incision on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 07:29:56 PM PST
I was always under the impression that sex was determined by chromosomal makeup or at least genital structure.

You have to have card too? At least my Driver's License lists me correctly.
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

I would (none / 0) (#16)
by hauntedattics on Wed Jan 16th, 2002 at 02:16:42 PM PST
hurry on down to the Gender Identification Center, before the Gender Police catch you. The punishment for not carrying the card is pretty horrible. I wouldn't test 'em.

If I may... (5.00 / 1) (#4)
by Autobots vs Panopticon on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 03:44:45 PM PST
Disclaimer: Although I am not a trained psychologist, my analysis is as valid as any "board certified" alchemist.

After briefly skimming your note, it is fairly clear that you suffer from low self esteem. The first clue was some what obvious: your admission that you are in fact a woman. The second revolves around your jealousy of your co-workers. Your insults and put downs to the women around you stems from your own feelings of inadequacy. Perhaps you don't receive the attention the other, more attractive, women receive during Dr. Cortez's little sessions? Perhaps being surrounded by nubile nymphs reminds you of your own figure flaws? Perhaps your own film career was cut short after refusing the Bukkake feature?

Regardless of where your dysfunction comes from, your course of action is clear: Breast Implants. The bigger the better. In fact, the smaller you feel on the inside the larger you should appear on the outside (this schema is often misapplied in the depression/eating cycle instead of the healthy surgical alternative). Once you have larger breasts, something you can see and hold, you will have a clear representation of your personal worth and you will feel confident when dealing with your co-workers and vying for the attentions of Dr. Cortez's drinking buddies.

With all regards...

More than meets the eye!

Indeed. (none / 0) (#5)
by elenchos on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 05:30:43 PM PST
This woman has not fully processed her desire for sex with her father, and so has repressed it. The result is that she has compulsively formed a relationship with the unwitting Dr. Cortez PhD, using him as a substitute for the man she truly desires, but cannot face up to due to the incestuous and frankly disgusting nature of her wants. Based on this, I would surmise that she is incapable of a mature vaginal orgasm, and is still limited to infantile clitoral stimulation.

She has a lot of work ahead of her, and I fear that her use of Dr. Cortez PhD as a sexual pawn in her sick mental games could lead to serious harm.

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

A bit of confusion (none / 0) (#14)
by Autobots vs Panopticon on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 07:25:38 PM PST
You are obviously an intelligent and well learned man, but I suffer to disagree with you.

Taken at face value, our dear typist's note is not filled with the metaphorical imagery often associated with an Electra complex; although we do see in her se*ual frigidity the acting out of living within a castrated body (mind you, if it weren't for penis envy clearly summarizing the female condition I would have little use for Freudians).

No, in this instance behavior indicates psychic state. By her acting out against those she perceives as better than herself, she exposes her internal feelings of self loathing and pity. If I may paraphrase the esteemed Dr. Maxwell Maltz, the father of Psycho-cybernetics: beautiful people (such as you and me) feel good, therefore outward appearance creates inner harmony.

What we clearly have here is an ugly duckling who will undoubtedly benefit from "surgical therapy." I encourage this young lady to document her therapy and its after effects in a photo-journal here at

Ah well, I must be off - my shift at the steel mill begins presently

More than meets the eye!

If I'd had as much fun (none / 0) (#11)
by chloedancer on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 06:52:41 PM PST
during my twelve-year typing career, I'd likely not have been so easily persuaded that I could make three times' as much money for the same amount of frustration simply by taking on a career in IT instead.

If you're really looking for a change, have you thought about looking for the door while Dr. Cortez is absent?

Might you be the token "real typist" on staff (instead of one of the cleavage-enhanced former porn stars/ornaments)? There's nothing worse than being the person with all the responsibility and none of the authority; you have my sympathy in this. I suggest that you put in an application at Kelly or some other temporary agency post-haste; after what you've been through, it should be a cake walk.

By the way, I counted at least four typos/errors in your missive; you might want to proofread your work with a little more care if you're going to market yourself as "good" (but I supposed it can be excused if the fact that you're desperate is taken into consideration). Pity that jsm isn't around to save your hapless posterior from this "Perils of Pauline" routine... *sigh*.


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