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Happiness is:
a warm puppy 0%
a warm gun 0%
a cool million dollars 0%
riding your horse up a hill made out of your enemies' severed heads 0%
fat bandwidth 100%
a liberal myth 0%
self-indulgent internet message board diaries 0%

Votes: 1

 The Consolation of Melancholy

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jan 11, 2002
Having spent most my existence in a nerve-straining effort to obtain some measure of happiness, I have finally, having failed with impressive consistency to do so, come to realize there is something to be said for being completely fucking miserable

More diaries by Chocolate Milkshake
Which is more important?
Myron Schell, inventor of "first post!", dead at 47
Christmas is child abuse
Fellowship Of The Rings Comparative Movie Review
The Lesson of Black Hawk Down
9/11 and Class Conflict
I'm very disappointed with Noam Chomsky
Thoughts on Lee Harvey Oswald's widow's affair with his Brother
Blade II And The Twilight Of Science
The Time To Act Is Now
Human Nature (the movie) and a question about hair
Four Spider-Man movies reviewed
Can't Sleep? Blame God.
Don't Do What Scooby-Doo Does
Summer Blockbuster Showdown!!!
The trick, I suspect, is allowing sadness to permeate your being without turning into some mascara'd, puerile death rocker, sleeves duly embellished with wails, laments, dirges, and boo-hoos. Swift, Schumann, and late-period Scott Fitzgerald were able to pull this off. Sadly, I am neither a genius, nor a drunk.

Still, having given the matter some thought, I think the trick is to simply be unhappy without throwing moon-eyed glances in the direction of joy, fulfillment, or inner peace. By settling into misery, one eventiually learns to get by on black humor, self-deprecation, and a sense of perspective. This point of view is consolation for losers, perhaps, but in the end we are all losers: the final curtain plunges down, whammo! And the unhappy are no worse off than any. Besides, it's the little things that keep us going: cheeseburgers, blowjobs*, sunsets. Samuel Beckett wrote a play to this effect once. It had something to do with a birdcage.

Which reminds me, no "fucking" option in the poll this time: that's always the runaway winner


Damn, the poll didn't post. (none / 0) (#1)
by Chocolate Milkshake on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 02:53:59 AM PST
Oh well, here's the low-tech version:

Happiness is:
1. a warm puppy
2. a warm gun
3. a cool million dollars
4. riding your horse up a hill made out of your enemies' severed heads
5. fat badwidth
6. a liberal myth
7. self-indulgent internet message board diaries

You've described the human condition (none / 0) (#3)
by T Reginald Gibbons on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 06:19:32 AM PST
With the exception that you've neglected the brilliant irony of our existence, that the price we pay for transcending the animal state is that we must endure the knowledge of our own inevitable death. But apart from that, your poll runs the gamut of human experience. Nice.

Except.... (none / 0) (#4)
by gcsb on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 07:59:01 PM PST
...that sex was missing from the poll. Of course I am referring to sex between legally married partners of opposite sex. Any other sort of so called 'sex' is an affront to God.

Sig is under not panic.

Sex does not describe the human condition (none / 0) (#5)
by T Reginald Gibbons on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 10:48:56 PM PST
Sex is humans at their most animalistic. Sex is not human.

My good man.... (none / 0) (#7)
by gcsb on Sat Jan 12th, 2002 at 08:21:45 PM PST
Animalism, as I'm sure you are aware, is yet another form of devil worship. Do not think for one minute that I condone any sort of activity of this ungodly nature.

However, for the purpose of procreation, sex is indeed an aspect of human existance. A much needed one at that.

If you have some sort of aversion to procreation by two people married in the eyes of God, I might suggest that you talk to a trained professional.

Best Regards,

Sig is under not panic.

I disagree (none / 0) (#8)
by First Incision on Sat Jan 12th, 2002 at 08:45:58 PM PST
There are many things that humans do that animals also do. We have sex, we eat, we excrete, we breathe, among other things.

I would say the most "human" activities would be ones around which we have built up a large set of customs, art, and traditions. Customs, art, and traditions are things humans have that animals don't.

1. Breathing. Not much there. We do it pretty much like the animals.

2. Excretion. We have some toilets and such, and maybe some taboos. Most of that is just for hygenic regions.

3. Eating. We do this in a VERY human way. There are tons of related cultural practices, long-standing traditions that widely vary depending on ethnicity, and a large body culinary art.

4. Sex. The body of "human" practices is about as big as (maybe bigger) than that for food. Every culture treats it differently. The amount of art, movies, and books dealing with sexuality is staggering. For better or for worse, animals don't dress up in leather, or frilly lingerie, or go to singles' bars. Human sex and animal sex are so different that they are almost unrecognizable as the same thing.

Here's a line for you passionate types: "Fuck me like a human!"
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

Indeed (none / 0) (#9)
by gcsb on Sat Jan 12th, 2002 at 09:11:51 PM PST
Yes, your ideas are very enlightening indeed. However I must point out that certain members of the animal kindom do indeed have customs. I won't belabour you with examples here, I am sure they are easy to find.

I do however find your last sentence rather unnecessary. There is no need for language such as that.

Best Regards,

Sig is under not panic.

oh dear (none / 0) (#11)
by vast on Sun Jan 13th, 2002 at 04:58:53 AM PST
i am sorry to have to resort to creating an account on this web-site and having to make a comment but i feel i cannot sit by and continue to let u practice.
I am 17 years old and am from the UK, i have been brought up excellently by my parents and have an IQ of over 175.
Now i must enter a rant hereonafter due to the posts i have read by you, either u are an extreme fundamental christian, or you are a complete ignoramus. For exaple, your post on "hacking" -what complete lunacy, i play quake and have an advance knowledge of network systems and computer systems in general but I am not a hacker, and i doubt you son is either. Have u ever got off your high horse and realised that possibly your son isn't a hacker? starting to make sense now isn't it, maybe he was denying being a hacker because he wasn't one in the first place?
I would personally say that your son would be a genius if he was able to hack on a windows system for a start off and as for the request to change isp's that would be because of his gaming habbits, gamers tend to want better ISP's because their "ping" (the speed of the connection between them and the server they are playing on) will greatly improve (and also download speeds). Now please do not subject your children to any more of your ludicrous behaviour and please research matters better, lunix for the love of god i mean COME ON its Linux !!!!

me and my philosophical peers have found hours of amusement at your simplistic analysis of the human condition, especially for a man with six children.

Pox on you. (none / 0) (#12)
by tkatchev on Sun Jan 13th, 2002 at 07:17:30 AM PST
You, Sir, are a fucking idiot, regardless of your supposed IQ.

I normally prefer leaving idiots alone -- as they say, don't touch shit if you don't want to stink -- but in this case I feel like I need to interfere.

It seems that you truly and honestly believe in your own normalcy, and even exceptional mental capacity.

I must tell you the bitter truth: You, Sir, are a fucking idiot.

For example, suppose that a normal man-in-the street is ranked a 5; we'll use that as a base ranking. A devoted member of a community and an ethical, educated Christian man might be ranked an 8. A high-school student might be ranked as a 3; 1.5 if he happens to be a software g**k.

You, my dear "friend", I would rank around 0.25. I think the adequate redership of this site would agree with me.

Again, I repeat: (Since I know that you are an idiot and have a real problem with attention span and reading comprehension):

You are a fucking idiot.

Again, I don't want to flame you -- I just want you to have a realistic opinion about yourself. Honesty is the first step towards reñovery.

Peace and much love...

Dear Vast Sir, (none / 0) (#13)
by Martino Cortez PhD on Sun Jan 13th, 2002 at 11:41:00 AM PST
Your usename in no way represents your intelligence, am I correct?

Sir, you have chosen to pick a fight with Adequacy's most intelligent and refined user. Besides being my old time chum, Mr. T Reginald Gibbons is perhaps one of the most renowned researchers in child psychology. Not only that, but as a highly sucessful businessman, he is responsible for donating much fundage to the restoration of many, many childrens orphanages. As a respected, open minded individual, I am quite sure Mr. Gibbons takes great offence to the vile, hate induced excrement you have dared to write in this upper class, semi-gated community.

As I have said to other posters who dare disagree with Mr. Gibbons, perhaps you two should sit down over a bottle of aged wine and work out your differences. As you might expect, you will find Mr. Gibbons quite the conversationalist. However, only with an open mind, and a well trained ear will you then see the true errors in your miscreant ways.

Dr Martino Cortez, PhD
CEO - Martin-Cortez Financial Corporation
Copyright © 2002, Martino Cortez.

Thank you, Martin (none / 0) (#15)
by T Reginald Gibbons on Sun Jan 13th, 2002 at 04:07:14 PM PST
I'm not concerned about this latest volley of poorly worded invective from the global army of teenagers who have thus far failed in carrying out a single one of their threats against me. Besides I think this youngster was taking quite a few liberties with the truth. An IQ of 175 indeed! That would make him more intelligent than Jesus himself! Also, no intelligent person could possibly think that a philosophy circle composed, apparently, of stoned teenagers who can't punctuate properly, could possibly foster opinions worthy of my attention.

hmmmm (none / 0) (#19)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Feb 19th, 2002 at 01:49:51 PM PST
well obviously in the US teenagers are alot different but i go to a very highly recognised school in the UK - my "group" consists of 3 Cambridge and 2 Oxford University students (well they will be next year).
please don't judge me by your obviously low standards :/

Thanks a lot. (none / 0) (#10)
by jin wicked on Sat Jan 12th, 2002 at 10:34:25 PM PST
With the exception that you've neglected the brilliant irony of our existence, that the price we pay for transcending the animal state is that we must endure the knowledge of our own inevitable death.

And I was just beginning to feel a little better about it, too.

"Ars longa, vita brevis...Art is long, life is short."

you my good man (none / 0) (#2)
by astrix on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 03:59:36 AM PST
You good sir need to buy yourself a motorcycle and rocket across the United States and Mexico at 90mph. Quit your job (or take a sabatical), pack a bag of clothes, buy a guitar, if you have a girl take her to (they always come in handy) and just take off. Don't forget to bring your copy of "On the Road" or "Big Sur" by Jack Kerouac and go stir up some passion on the lonely highways and inner cities. I would stick to the West Coast and Mexico though, the Mid-West and East Coast (Especially) leave much to be desired. And hey if you don't have a girl (don't feel bad I sure as fuck don't have one) you can always find one on your trip!

My down to earth self wants to empathize with you. Yes yes life is a miserable charade, your trapped, your lonely, your stuck in apathy all this is true. But try to think of what could be and not what is. The words of advice from someone like you who is just plain fucked.
"Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty" --Thomas Jefferson

Melancholy (none / 0) (#6)
by SpaceGhoti on Sat Jan 12th, 2002 at 12:38:23 AM PST
This reminds me of a favorite quote:
Goth is attitude. Goth is lifestyle. Goth is something you wake up one morning and discover you are. Goth by choice is pathetic. Goth by circumstance is tragic. You can't do tragic intentionally.

This is why I'm not a Goth.

A troll's true colors.

A suggestion (none / 0) (#14)
by hauntedattics on Sun Jan 13th, 2002 at 04:05:15 PM PST
You mentioned the 'nerve-straining effort' you've made to be happy. My experience with this sort of thing is that in straining so hard to be happy, you only end up...well, strained. See what happened at the end of your diary entry? You accepted the inevitability of sadness, but you were able to think of some of the stuff that makes life good. Happiness (sadness) isn't a goal or a permanent mental condition - it happens while you're doing other things and living your life.

And thanks for not becoming a mascara'd death rocker. We've got way too many of those around as it is.

You know what? (none / 0) (#16)
by RobotSlave on Sun Jan 13th, 2002 at 10:35:11 PM PST
I think I'd really like to have a full blown, loud-mouthed, makeup-wearing death-rocker or two hanging around the adequacy.

You know why?

Because it would give me something else to be irritated with besides the incomparably stupid, pig-headed, pedantic, endlessly prolific, and astonishingly boring Lunix apologists that have taken over lately. Damn, am I ever tired of them, and of the otherwise sensible people who encourage them.

The Gibbons piece should have been the final word. Thousands of times over. But instead of keeping the debate there, where it belongs, the zealots are slopping over into the Diaries, and drowning out discussion of anything else, drawing more comment than the articles that the editors have seen fit to publish.

And it makes me sad.

© 2002, RobotSlave. You may not reproduce this material, in whole or in part, without written permission of the owner.

we did our best (none / 0) (#17)
by nathan on Mon Jan 14th, 2002 at 06:50:01 AM PST
With the Anthrax thing. Unfortunately for us, most rockers are only secure in packs.

Lunix zealots are the price one pays for running a long on the worldly-net rather than something more exclusive.

Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

If (none / 0) (#18)
by hauntedattics on Mon Jan 14th, 2002 at 08:16:02 AM PST
rockers are only secure in packs, it seems like hackers and that ilk are only secure in droves. And their biggest sin in my book (apart from the whole illegal thing) is that they truly are boring as hell.

My sympathies go out to Mr. Gibbons, poor man, who can't even write a nice response to a diary entry without getting flayed by some illiterate hacker. Not only is this pointless, it's off-topic. And it makes me melancholy. (sniff)


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