This last new years eve I got sick. A common flu virus entered my system and commenced an undiluted frenzy of germ warfare in a now embattled ear nose and throat. Had I taken the right precautions at the onset of symptoms, I might have avoided this debilitating condition. I had plans, and instead of taking medicine and resting I chose to drink my weight in gin and snort rails that would've derailed even KC Jones. Now I am paying for it, and so is everyone around me. Everyone at my day job
complains about my coughing, one co-worker even had the gall to ask me to cover my mouth. I enlightened him that it is a common misconception that covering ones mouth prevents disease from being spread. It actually expedites the communication of disease. It's simple, when you cough in your hand repeatedly/Several hundred times a day, they [your hands] become soaked in germs, and the germs can even adapt nicely to the environment on your hands and begin to multiply. As you go about your daily business of opening doors, cutting cakes for group celebrations and sleeping with your best friend's insatiable wife, your snot-rag hands are serving heaping handfuls of nasty germs to the rest of the world. The best way to aid in the non-communication of germs is to direct your coughs and sneezes into a handkerchief or tissue of some sort, else use an area not occupied by fellow homo-sapiens to your best advantage, (i.e. the floor.) Unless you are a subscriber to an associative union social model, a person that believes that: Because one is inflicted with a certain unpleasantness as a result of natural processes, all of ones peers should be afflicted with the same thing. Basically that disease is spread for a reason, a mere mechanism of a Darwinian concept, Natural Selection. I tried to explain this to the fellow that asked me to cover my mouth, he informed me then that he is not a subscriber of such beliefs and also that he is "not interested" in hearing anymore of my "ideas." Well, what is one to do? Nothing. I am not the type to neither push my ideas or beliefs on anybody nor even offer them when unsolicited. But do I have to cover my mouth? Do I even have to direct my cough in a direction that isn't the primary path to his face? No. If I were to stop infecting others with my cold, it might make me look weak to a stronger alpha male in the vicinity, I might then succumb to other bad things like loosing my job for being sick too long; I then would be a cog of natural selection, a perhaps victim of extinction later on. What is more important: the ultra-brief social benefits of trying to prevent my cold from being spread, or the lasting fundamental ones gained by intentionally spreading of it? The answer is easy.
Bonus Cold Remedies!!!
NyQuillŽ Clemintine Frozen Punch. 4 parts Rum, 4 parts NyQuillŽ cold medicine, fruit juice and crushed ice in the blender makes a nice soothing cough tamer.
Either: Blot some on a handkerchief and carrie it around with you, whenever you blow, your troubles seem to melt away.