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What do you think about the Associative Union Social Model?
I'm don't agree, I am a creationist. 0%
I don't understand it, I am a paegan. 0%
I agree with it. 0%
I agree with it, I am an atractive female between the ages of 18 and 40. 0%

Votes: 0

 I'm not ok, so niether can you be.

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Jan 10, 2002
Snot-clouded perceptions, Bucketfulls of green-yellow ooze bring me to a sobering social conclusion.
This last new years eve I got sick. A common flu virus entered my system and commenced an undiluted frenzy of germ warfare in a now embattled ear nose and throat. Had I taken the right precautions at the onset of symptoms, I might have avoided this debilitating condition. I had plans, and instead of taking medicine and resting I chose to drink my weight in gin and snort rails that would've derailed even KC Jones. Now I am paying for it, and so is everyone around me. Everyone at my day job complains about my coughing, one co-worker even had the gall to ask me to cover my mouth. I enlightened him that it is a common misconception that covering ones mouth prevents disease from being spread. It actually expedites the communication of disease. It's simple, when you cough in your hand repeatedly/Several hundred times a day, they [your hands] become soaked in germs, and the germs can even adapt nicely to the environment on your hands and begin to multiply. As you go about your daily business of opening doors, cutting cakes for group celebrations and sleeping with your best friend's insatiable wife, your snot-rag hands are serving heaping handfuls of nasty germs to the rest of the world. The best way to aid in the non-communication of germs is to direct your coughs and sneezes into a handkerchief or tissue of some sort, else use an area not occupied by fellow homo-sapiens to your best advantage, (i.e. the floor.) Unless you are a subscriber to an associative union social model, a person that believes that: Because one is inflicted with a certain unpleasantness as a result of natural processes, all of ones peers should be afflicted with the same thing. Basically that disease is spread for a reason, a mere mechanism of a Darwinian concept, Natural Selection. I tried to explain this to the fellow that asked me to cover my mouth, he informed me then that he is not a subscriber of such beliefs and also that he is "not interested" in hearing anymore of my "ideas." Well, what is one to do? Nothing. I am not the type to neither push my ideas or beliefs on anybody nor even offer them when unsolicited. But do I have to cover my mouth? Do I even have to direct my cough in a direction that isn't the primary path to his face? No. If I were to stop infecting others with my cold, it might make me look weak to a stronger alpha male in the vicinity, I might then succumb to other bad things like loosing my job for being sick too long; I then would be a cog of natural selection, a perhaps victim of extinction later on. What is more important: the ultra-brief social benefits of trying to prevent my cold from being spread, or the lasting fundamental ones gained by intentionally spreading of it? The answer is easy. Bonus Cold Remedies!!!
NyQuillŽ Clemintine Frozen Punch. 4 parts Rum, 4 parts NyQuillŽ cold medicine, fruit juice and crushed ice in the blender makes a nice soothing cough tamer. Either: Blot some on a handkerchief and carrie it around with you, whenever you blow, your troubles seem to melt away.


You're from kuro5hin, right? (none / 0) (#1)
by tkatchev on Thu Jan 10th, 2002 at 12:20:30 PM PST
Your tendncy towards logorrhea is a dead giveaway.

Hint for success:

Normal people (not g**ks) appreciate if you think before speaking. It also helps if you have a point you wish to communicate when you speak.

Peace and much love...

moriveth did it best (none / 0) (#2)
by nathan on Thu Jan 10th, 2002 at 12:31:00 PM PST
Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

Cough Trajectory (none / 0) (#3)
by First Incision on Thu Jan 10th, 2002 at 02:42:45 PM PST
When your co-worker made the comment, toward where were you coughing?

If you were sanely coughing into a disposable tissue, I don't think he would have been complaining. Oh, and handkerchiefs are no better than your hands, since they just carry the disease around with you.

And, if you were such an alpha male in the first place, you would not let the members of your tribe-unit see you in a weakened state. You would have stayed home, if that was your concern. (Nobody's going to die from your illness)

As a former food-safety worker, according to regulations, your boss should put you on some non-food-related duty. So please, for the sake of your customers, request to be put on garbage and restroom duty until you recover.
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

Hmm... (none / 0) (#4)
by hauntedattics on Fri Jan 11th, 2002 at 08:15:37 PM PST
Your cough syrup drink sounds vaguely familiar. Does it actually taste any good?

Please follow the advice from my fellow adequacy-ites and use

s. They are very helpful for increasing comprehension and decreasing scorn.

Sniff, Don't Blow Remedy (none / 0) (#5)
by IgnatiusJR on Mon Jan 14th, 2002 at 03:47:07 PM PST
This really works. Instead of supporting those tissue companies, you can cure yourself of the pesky virus. Although not a doctor, I know one, and although he didn't recommend this, I've thought about it a lot, and it just has to work. Here's how:

Instead of blowing those burgers out, sniff them back up your nose. This gives your body a chance to beat the virus naturally. It's just like an antibody vaccine, but cheaper and safer. Plus, in a pinch (literally), if you feel a cold coming on, just pick your nose and eat it. Prevention is worth a thousand words (or something like that). I've never been sick. <sniff>

Sniffing (none / 0) (#6)
by First Incision on Mon Jan 14th, 2002 at 07:12:57 PM PST
I have tried this, and I am not sure if I can reccommend it or not.

Being a Southern Gentlemen, I rarely venture into the North during the winter. But once I spent 10 days in rather cold weather and had occasional bouts of excess mucus production.

Being in too much of a hurry, and without Kleenex, every time that my nose would start to feel runny, I would sniff mightily.

On about the 5th day of this, I got a break and blew my nose. I will not subject you to a detailed description of what came out, it was black. I amn not sure if it is related, but I got a rough 24-hour bug 2 days later, with vomiting and fever.

Draw your own conclusions.
Do you suffer from late-night hacking? Ask your doctor about Protonix.

No sniffing (none / 0) (#7)
by hauntedattics on Tue Jan 15th, 2002 at 08:15:57 AM PST
I can heartily recommend that you don't sniff when you have a cold, flu or other mucus-producing condition. Not only does it not curtail your disease, it also produces a loud, extremely obnoxious noise (known in hauntedattics-speak as 'snarfing') that irritates everyone around you. So when you do this, you are not only prolonging your agony, you are rudely forcing others to share in it.


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