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 Rock Star: Headbanging Nights

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 07, 2001
Markie Mark Wahlberg does it again, another celebration of good times with social misfits (ala Boogie Nights) in his latest comedy, Rock Star.

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Adam Rightmann

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Rock Star, Mark Walhberg's latest screen epic, is a headbanger's fantasy. What young heavy metal fan, spending all his waking time listening to and playing his favorite band's music, doesn't dream of being tapped to play in his favorite band. Mark Walhberg, of the large phallus in Boogie Nights is the Rock Star singer, Chris "Izzy" Coles, while Jennifer Aniston is evanescent as his manager girlfriend.

Rock Star is thinly based on the dismissal of lead singer Rob Halford from the British heavy metal band Judas Priest and replacement by a singer in a tribute band, supposedly for reasons of Halford's homosexual orientation. In reality, the dismissal of Halford was just another manipulative action by the homosexual lobby, and the film Rock Star is just one long commercial for the homosexual lifestyle, aimed at the most sexually confused segment of teenagers, heavy metal fans.

To begin with, the realization that Rob Halford, the deux ex machina of Rock Star, is a homosexual was surely no surprise to any astute observer of the metal music scene. He was British, had a leather and motorcycle fetish, and was in a heavy metal band. While any one of these characteristics is only mildly indicative of homosexual tendencies, the four together are surely a flaming sign of homosexuality. His bandmates, spending months upon months on tour with Rob, in close quarters, must have surely realized his preference for young men, as opposed to young groupie women, was more than just a typical public school holdover that most Brits have. Indeed, the true reason for Rob's dismissal was the unwanted attention his predilections were having in the American market.

But like any good conspiracy, a minor setback is only a minor setback, and they proceed again after a short time. Thus, Rock Star, a 1 hour 40 minute commercial for the homosexual lifestyle. Picking Mark Walhberg was a masterstroke. Fresh off his hit movie advocating bestiality, he's obviously comfortable with deviant acts. Not only does he have adequate chops for the singing parts (learned in the pretty boy band New Kids on the Block), he's a homoerotic icon, due to his Calvin Klein underwear ads and his artificially elongated phallus in Boogie Nights. Ostensibly, the intended audience is supposed to want to be Mark, subconsciously, they want to be with Mark, carnally.

Targeting the latently homosexual teenage heavy metal audience is another masterstroke. When most teens should be involved in developing a healthy attitude towards the other sex by engaging in athletic contests and community service, metalheads are taught to channel their raging hormones into aggression and perversion. The subtext of the movie involved Chris "Izzy" Coles leaving his girlfriend, trying to substitute cheap, drug induced one night stands with groupies for her honest affections, and realizing his true happiness lies with his male companions.

Until the day Hollywood releases rocking movies with good American, Christian heavy metal bands like Stryper, I can only hope my right thinking brethren can reach enough of these vulnerable teenage metalheads and keep them from seeing movies of this vomitous ilk. If we can just save a few more boys from the recruiting tactics of the vast homosexual conspiracy, so much heartache will be prevented.


Where's the Funky Bunch when you need them? (none / 0) (#6)
by motherfuckin spork on Fri Sep 7th, 2001 at 06:26:10 AM PST
Marky Mark... why?

As for Mr. Rightmann's analysis of the film... well, first off it is quite apparent he's not seen it. Likewise, it is quite apparent he knows very little of what the film's story is about, as it is only loosely based on the real events surrounding Judas Priest, taking the typical Hollywood liberties is resculpting fact for the sake of trying to suck down more cash from the masses.

It saddens me to see Mr. Rightmann spend his entire atricle blathering about homosexuality when it is indeed not the central issue to this film. Perhaps Mr. Rightmann is fighting some submerged feelings, and this is his way of vindicating himself? I do not know, nor do I care.

I am not who you think I am.

Wait a sec... (none / 0) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 7th, 2001 at 07:26:04 PM PST
He was serious?

which one? (none / 0) (#11)
by motherfuckin spork on Fri Sep 7th, 2001 at 07:48:10 PM PST
him, me, neither, or both?

you pick.

I am not who you think I am.

Hickory, dickory dockery (5.00 / 1) (#12)
by Adam Rightmann on Sat Sep 8th, 2001 at 06:18:01 PM PST
try to protects kids and you get mockery.

Of course I was serious, if I were not, I would be trolling. While Adequacy is a home for controversial and unpopular viewpoints, trolls are not permitted!

I have the advantage of being older than most web users, and I can recall Judas Priest and their contemporaries in the '80s. Look at Ratt, Twisted Sister, Poison, the whole genre was full of mascara wearing, tight pants wearing deviants, tell me they don't have gender issues.

Most teenage havey metal fans have sexual confusion issues, making them easy prey for the aforemetioned leather clad perverts. They are confused and full of testerone, and one or two deviant acts of anal sex might be enough to turn them gay. My point of the review was to expose another tentacle of the vast homosexual conspiracy, and hopefully save a few young boys, and guide them into a life of normalcy, with a wife and several children.

A. Rightmann

Asking for trouble... (none / 0) (#13)
by repeater on Mon Sep 10th, 2001 at 05:45:21 PM PST
Mark Walhberg was not in New Kids on the Block - that was Donnie Walhberg. Mark Walhberg was the equally horrible Marky Mark.

My sympathies (none / 0) (#14)
by Anonymous Reader on Fri Sep 14th, 2001 at 04:28:13 PM PST
This information continues to occupy space in your mind; the fact that you're willing to admit it should exempt you from punishment by default.

This article ... sucks! (none / 0) (#15)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Dec 13th, 2001 at 03:46:02 AM PST
This article is hilarious, but only because of the ignorance and stupidity displayed by it's
author and his own unacceptable homophobic believes.


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