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 Another day, another diary deletion

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 26, 2001
Impressive. Someone cleaned my.. mess.

Just a diary about hate and umlauts. Or something. You missed nothing.

Update [2001-9-26 13:41:41 by Peter Johnson]: You did, indeed miss nothing. While we at are as fond of free speech as the next fellow, we don't consider random character strings and malicious code to be "speech."


More diaries by slaytanic killer
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A real entry, then (5.00 / 3) (#10)
by slaytanic killer on Wed Sep 26th, 2001 at 06:49:06 PM PST
Update [2001-9-26 13:41:41 by Peter Johnson]: You did, indeed miss nothing. While we at are as fond of free speech as the next fellow, we don't consider random character strings and malicious code to be "speech."
That is, cute. While us trolls from,, do, consider your update well-worded while carrying a weighty "clarification"...

I'm bored again.

You know what, I'm going to write a real entry. You can feel free to run around with my account or edit my posts as one of you (jsr?) alluded to earlier, but maybe beyond boredom is something real out there I can care about, and become better than myself. I'll troll myself, by writing more than anyone else did.

During my one year of college, I became rebelliously bored and constrained. In retrospect, I underestimated it severely. Not the conventional path; that remains stupid as ever, with brats ingratiating themselves with the profs who visibly strain to tolerate it... But there is an enormous amount of power there that I had simply been too blunt to find.

In any case, I started writing poems on my door about how the little college town was devoid of soul, that it failed. Drove my roommate nuts, but in his last year, he dropped his triple-major and went off to a commune. His mother blamed me and we were friends ever since.

Of course, what followed was another bout of wandering, getting to know the universe, not speaking to anyone for days. We have so many filters on the world, but how does it see itself? One class I did take was Judiac Studies, and there I wrote an absurdly heretical paper on how consciousness was created so the universe could see itself, in the absence of an external mirror. So that is what I did.

At this moment, it strikes me as an extension of what I do when I stare out a window. But without a safety net; I left all my friends and resources. Just staring out the window... to me here, sitting in my chair, it all was some small window during my life when I thought silently. While the physical time was long, what is there to see out a window, really?

I did not learn much, just scrubbed away a lot of prejudices. Retreats can be attacks, as well.

Ah well. I come to sites like Kuro5hin and here because I notice that something the two sites value is "intelligence." I am told I have a good deal of it, but I want to see what other people think it is. I change this little online personality a lot, trying out new things, occasionally doing odd things to understand the peculiar biases of the individuals in these places I visit.

I could simply just be "right" all the time, putting in whatever research and thinking time to post something unobvious. But then I would just have one trick and learn nothing.

To wrap it cutely as I have before, every part of my life is childhood, and the only point is to leave my childhood behind.

The, end.


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