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Which of the many different Islams the TRUE Islam ?
Wahhabism 16%
Sufism 18%
Ahmadiyya 5%
Shia 2%
Sunni 21%
Kharijism 2%
5% Nation of Islam 32%

Votes: 37

 A Taliban Warlord answers YOUR questions.

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 26, 2001
 Comments: has always been against bigotry in all its ugly forms. With recent events in New York City, a minority of Americans have resorted to racist attacks and religious extremism in a sort of knee-jerk reaction to the horrific pictures recently beamed into our living rooms.

Many more of you have emailed us here at adequacy asking us how you might learn to respect and value diversity and develop a better understanding of Islam and all the other belief systems with which we share our world, in order that we may all live in peace.

With this in mind, and at great personal risk to ourselves ....


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[editor's note, by jsm] -- in the interests of honesty, I would like to point out that there was no very great personal risk to ourselves; we just hooked up via a left-wing bulletin board recommended by perdida. I would like to reiterate that the interview below is absolutely genuine, however.

we arranged to chat with the reclusive Taleban Warlord, Mohhamed Abu Khazalk Al Saur Ibn Massoud on a secret Afghan IRC server (Running OpenBSD and Apache, and maintained by the International Islamic Front for the Jihad Against Jews and Crusaders) in order to put some of your important questions to him.

What follows is an edited transcript of that IRC session.

In this session, Mr Massoud has used his IRC "handle" of kuffrkilla666.

It is worth noting that Mr Massoud follows a brand of Islam which is very austere in its outlook. In the interest of fairness, I should point out that there exist many other versions of Islam, such as Sunni, Shia, Sufi, Ahmadi, Yihewani, Kharijism, Nation of Islam etc, which do not involve such a hardcore ascetic approach, and as such may be more suitable for some of us lily-livered weak-willed Western infidels. When considering the events of September 11th 2001, its worth remembering that not all Muslims are bomb-crazy bloodletting "fundamentalist" lunatics with a romantic view of jihad financed by Saudi Arabia. Just a small minority of them. Mr Massoud is one such person. We reprint this transcript in the hope that it may shed some light on the obscure religious extremism that seems to be sweeping the world.

<dmg> Hello, Mr Massoud
<kuffrkilla666> Hello.
<dmg> First I'd like to thank you for agreeing to this interview. Your opinion of western media is well known!
<kuffrkilla666> Yeah I am hoping to clear up some of the misconceptions about the muwahhidun
<kuffrkilla666> and counteract lies spred by zionist media in the west and bring some truth to the americans which their governments does not want them to know about
<dmg> Thank you again. is different to many western media because it is not run for profit. We can afford to take an unbiased view what do you guys in Afghanistan think of the coverage you have been getting in the western media ?
<kuffrkilla666> well you know we dont get much time to indulge in wasteful pursuits like reading the western media its all lies anyway so what would be the point? our taleban rulers have banned Internet for all except where it is needed to promote our agenda this is
<kuffrkilla666> because the intnernet is an invention of shiatan and a corrupting influence
<dmg> OK, I have a couple of questions from our readers here in the USA and Europe, would you mind answering them ?
<kuffrkilla666> sure provided they are respectful of our beliefs and do not trivialise Islam in any way. go ahead shoot.
<dmg> this first one is from Dave (a Christian) in Chicago. He says he has a beard, due to the cold winters over there. He has some Muslim co-workers and wants to know is his beard likely to be offensive to them in any way ?
<kuffrkilla666> thats pretty easy to answer, as an unbeliever, albeit a follower of the religion of the book daves beard is of supreme indifference to many Muslims. were dave to revert to his true religion of Islam however then I would have to say that according to consensus of Muslim opinion
<kuffrkilla666> to cut the beard is haraam and to cut the beard if it is less than one fist is also forbidden
<dmg> well that's pretty clear then. dave - carry on as you were, until you convert! The next question comes from Barry in Scotland he says he occasionally views adult movies and wants to know if this will cause offense to his muslim coworkers should they find out.
<kuffrkilla666> Thats another easy one you didn't say if barry is Muslim lets assume he is not. Then as an infidel he is able to do whatever he likes - He will be judged when the time comes. In the meantime should he revert
<kuffrkilla666> to his natural religion then he must know that pornography of any kind is haraam and punishment would be severe.
<kuffrkilla666> recently i was watching VMusic channel in the night arount 12-30am the programme called Banned at Bed time it was full of Sex scenes but no body take any objection now our ministry for the promotion of virtue and prevention of vice have banned this porn tv so we are safe from the filth and obscenities of the kaffur and the infidels of hollywood
<dmg> again thanks for a very clear answer. The next question comes from Carla in San Jose. Carla is a project manager at a large IT consultancy and she asked us what to do about a perceived lack of respect she gets from two of her Muslim software developers.
<kuffrkilla666> I have to say she should remain in her home and should not go out without any extreme need because mischief is feared in her going out if she have to go out in extreme necessity
<kuffrkilla666> then she should go with a Mahram and covered in Burqa or large overlay so that her body including her cloths should not be visible and after doing whatever it was needed she should come back at once.
<dmg> well carla - looks like you need to stay at home! Mr Massoud, that answer might seem a bit extreme to some of our readers and dare I say it sexist. What would you say to that ?
<kuffrkilla666> well its often a criticism levelled at Islam but we consider that men and women are different not that one is better than the other just different
<dmg> Ok I guess we have to learn to respect that in the west. The next question is from Malik in Icatha he has heard about the Taliban's use of open source software and wonders if you could tell him which distro(s) you are using and more importantly what kind of crypto software ?
<kuffrkilla666> ill need to ask our computer guy. brb.
<kuffrkilla666> He said we are running on openbsd 2.7 and apache but he cannot tell me about cryptography for security reasons.
<dmg> Well thanks for the information. John from Wales would like to know what you think of the Nation of Islam. Is it official Islamic doctrine that white people are devils grafted from dogs and black people will be rescued by spaceships from Ethiopia?
<kuffrkilla666>Well farrakhans a prophet and i think yuo ought to listen to what he can say to you. its probably fair to say that those arent exactly uncontroverisal doctrines but there is an element of truth to his overall worldview.
<kuffrkilla666>you probably shoulnt be thinking of these as literal spaceships and grafted devils but in a more allegorical sense. Id like to go into it in more detail but i'd need to quote specific suras and this haraam keyboard can't type arabic lol.
<dmg> I guess that's fair enough. One of our readers darkelf is a practicing wiccan. She wants to know what is the Islamic view of paganism - does Islam have anything like the 'rule of three' ?
<kuffrkilla666> well as you know Islam is one of the most tolerance religions of today world. It is written that no compulsion in religion. she believe what she wants. she is obviously wrong but if Allah has set a seal on her heart there is nothing I can do to change that sorry but true. darkelf is unusual name is not?
<dmg> darkelf is a pseudonym.
<dmg> We won't waste much more of your time, but finally how do you see the wahhabi interpretation of Islam fitting into American society ?
<kuffrkilla666> ill be completely honest we are told to kill americans where we find them at this stage in our struggle i dont think it is one of our aims to integrate with a decadent and corrupt regime
<kuffrkilla666> when the global khalifate is reality then we can meet americans in an equal footing under the protective umbrella of Islam until then we are at war
<dmg> thank you for your time, you have cleared up a great many points for us.
<kuffrkilla666> thanks for the opportunity to set the record straight

I continued this chat with Mr Massoud for some time but the conversation moved away from Islam and the west and onto more mundane matters. But before we moved on he suggested that Westerners with short attention spans hoping to understand more about Islam might find it easier to approach this difficult subject through the medium of rap music. This is one of the sites he recommended: Soldiers of Allah
And this is another


Pathetic, truly pathetic (4.00 / 1) (#8)
by Peter Johnson on Wed Sep 26th, 2001 at 01:34:51 PM PST
Dmg, you're an editor on this site. That means you're supposed to edit.

It's perfectly obvious that you left the original spelling errors in the IRC interview to demean and discredit the Taliban spokesperson. Just despicable.

And jsm, stop with the worthless editorial comments already. It's bad enough that you have to make you feud with Rightman public, but leave everyone else's articles alone. I can and will remove your editorial privileges if you persist in this.
Are you adequate?

I apologise (5.00 / 2) (#10)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Sep 26th, 2001 at 02:04:40 PM PST
In my rush to get this highly topical interview out there, I neglected to do a thorugh proof-reading. Hopefully not too many slipped through the net. Unfortunately I used an open source spellchecker (since I was using a friends linux box to do the IRCing), so its possible that there are some bugs in that software which allowed some errors to creep in.

I expect our readers are mature enough to cope with a few misspellings, and considering that English is not Mr Massoud's first (or even second) language, they will cut him some slack.

yeah sorry about that (4.00 / 2) (#11)
by jsm on Wed Sep 26th, 2001 at 02:18:34 PM PST
tempers have been high recently ... I did think it was important to point out that the interview was genuine; I honestly didn't want dmg to shortchange himself by making implausible claims about personal danger. But there was no need to scrawl all over the article. Sorry.

... the worst tempered and least consistent of the editors
... now also Legal department and general counsel,

Not really (2.00 / 1) (#16)
by Well Adjusted Individual on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 04:46:42 AM PST
Mr. Johnson, jsm just kept the spell errors and poor grammar that Mr. kuffrkilla666 used. I beleive it is the right thing to do since this is not an editorial piece but a true, live interview with a person.

The poor spelling is also proof as to how these godless bastards (it doesn't matter what they say, they are all GODLESS people, if you don't recognize Jesus as the True Son of God - you ARE godless) don't understand english. You'd think they'd at least learn how to read and write in english! Those fools, don't they know you MUST learn correct english to be able to talk with us correctly? By the looks of it, it even seems that his native tounge isn't good old american english - if it isn't, maybe we SHOULD bomb them back into the stone age, convert them all to christians and teach them english, just like my beautiful columnist Ann Coultier has preached.
-- May the lord strike down those who are not rightous.

Not really at all (2.00 / 1) (#35)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 06:56:22 PM PST
> if it isn't, maybe we SHOULD bomb them back into the stone age, convert them all to christians and teach them english, just like my beautiful columnist Ann Coultier has preached.

Uh, you dont know their history very well do you? Everyone has tried that already and failed. The last ones were the communists who bombed them into the stone age but they still failed to take them over. If you look at their current conditions they are living in the stone age ALREADY!!!

Besides should we bomb all the christians back to the stone age because of the few extremists in their religion? Of course not. I mean just because they believe a book is the word of god, simply because the book says if you doubt its the word of god you got to hell (a virus), doesnt mean we should destroy them all and convert them to agnostics or deists.

ha, ha, i'm smirking harder than ever (2.00 / 1) (#12)
by Anonymous Reader on Wed Sep 26th, 2001 at 02:48:59 PM PST
sure provided they are respectful of our beliefs and do not trivialise Islam in any way. go ahead shoot.

That's funny in a prophetic way. Who says muslims have no sense of humor.

George Bush, posting anonymously to protect his rapidly diminishing prestige amongst europeans

Completely Pathetic (1.00 / 1) (#14)
by premier on Wed Sep 26th, 2001 at 11:17:47 PM PST
This site, in every article I have read, has proven itself to be extremely poor in content and character. Not only to the "editors" apparently not have anything substantive to post, they continue to resort to rather pathetic satire columns in attempts to mask their complete lack of understanding for what is going on around them.

The most ironic part of the equation is, this site is labeled "News for Grown-Ups". Well, editors, if this is how so called Grown-Ups (READ: 20-something college kids who think they are intelligent) behave, then I would rather spend my time at Slashdot or K5.

Your attempt to create a sight for the gathering of the fallouts from other web sites is failing, and doing so miserably. Suggestions... get some content, some intelligent editors, or piss off.


perhaps so .... (5.00 / 4) (#27)
by jsm on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 08:26:23 AM PST
but I hardly think you are in a position to comment, given that your best effort appears to be plagiarising material from The Onion and submitting it to our story queue in an attempt to cause trouble.

... the worst tempered and least consistent of the editors
... now also Legal department and general counsel,

Please do... (5.00 / 1) (#34)
by elby on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 04:34:53 PM PST
I would rather spend my time at Slashdot or K5.

Please do. I'd say it's been nice knowing you, but that would undermine my commitment to journalistic integrity.


Extreme Wabbhism (4.00 / 3) (#15)
by nobbystyles on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 02:57:24 AM PST
Didn't know much about this form of Islam before the attack but what I have found out so far makes me want to convert fast...

  • Automatic admittance to heaven for any murderous attacks on Americans. Those fat yank tourists we get in London sure fsck me off...
  • Compulsory beard growing. Great, I really hate shaving and probably need to grow a beard to 'compensate' for my thinning head hair.
  • Women banned from education and work. Woot, less competition for me in the jobs market especially in the coming recession.
  • As many wives as you want. Shagtastic, matey....

  • Where can I get an airticket to Afghanistan....

    Speaking as a Wahhabi Muslim (5.00 / 3) (#17)
    by bc on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 05:01:53 AM PST
    Since I have converted I have enjoyed all the advantages you cite. However, it isn't an easy task - Wahhabi muslims aren't very accepting of converted Westerners such as myself, in fact, since I came to Peshawahr to try and hook up with bin Laden's outfit (he is truly the Che Guevara of our generation) I have suffered great privations. I wandered around the marketplaces and mosques, asking likely looking Arabs what I could do to help, but they just weren't helpful and seemed a bit suspicious :\

    In the American Club I got no further, they just had some men in suits who informed me that the CIA can't infiltrate bin Laden's group because none of their agent's will take a job that involves uncontrollable shitting as a way of life, and they asked me which British agency I work for (wtf?). They didn't seem to believe me when I said I was the real article.

    Truly, the life of a Western Caucasian Wahhabi Muslim is hard, they just don't accept you. Could it be that there is something more than religion to their dislike of Westerners?

    Maybe if my eyes weren't blue I'd be getting on better.

    ♥, bc.

    ah, barry (4.33 / 3) (#18)
    by jsm on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 05:11:41 AM PST
    since you've got spare time on this latest Walter Mittyish bipolar excursion ("Oh yes, I don't care if you like me or not! I'm going to give up bukkake and become a Wahhabi Muslim and go to Peshawar!" for fuck's sake!) to browse & edit adequacy, would it kill you to send an email to your mother? She's going spare.

    ... the worst tempered and least consistent of the editors
    ... now also Legal department and general counsel,

    Not married, are you ? (2.50 / 2) (#20)
    by Anonymous Reader on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 07:04:28 AM PST
    <i>As many wives as you want. Shagtastic, matey....</i><p>
    Imagine 4 times as much nagging !

    I believe under Wabbahism (3.00 / 2) (#21)
    by nobbystyles on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 07:11:34 AM PST
    The punishment for nagging is 30 lashes. So I think your fears are exagerated. A harem without the hassle. Another reason for converting.

    Whabbahism, a real man's religion....

    Decadent infidels... (5.00 / 1) (#22)
    by Weyland Yutani on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 07:12:08 AM PST
    ...may allow their womenfolk to "nag" them, but not followers of the true faith.

    A Good Whipping (1.00 / 2) (#23)
    by Anonymous Reader on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 07:17:53 AM PST
    A good whipping, and/or beating, and/or gang rape, often solves such insolence.

    has anyone noticed that only bad guys ever say "such insolence"?


    inaccuracies (5.00 / 1) (#28)
    by alprazolam on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 10:52:59 AM PST
    Is it official Islamic doctrine that white people are devils grafted from dogs and black people will be rescued by spaceships from Ethiopia?

    This is no longer official Nation of Islam teaching, and is also inaccurate according to the original claims of Elijah Muhammad, which were that whites were devils created by a scientist named Yacub.

    Well farrakhans a prophet and i think yuo ought to listen to what he can say to you. its probably fair to say that those arent exactly uncontroverisal doctrines but there is an element of truth to his overall worldview.

    Nearly all muslims worldwide disagree with the majority of NoI teachings, and Warith Deen Muhammad is generally considered the de facto Black Muslim leader in the United States. No muslim outside the NoI considers any of its members prophets, as Muhammad is the last prophet.

    The NoI is primarily an organization dedicated to uplifting blacks from poverty and despair, which is fast becoming obsolete in the increasingly tolerant American society.

    help (3.00 / 1) (#30)
    by alprazolam on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 11:27:40 AM PST
    can an editor please change the last link to


    nope (5.00 / 1) (#31)
    by bc on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 11:48:40 AM PST
    we can't edit comments, at least not without harassing elby to do weird things in raw SQL :\

    ♥, bc.

    p'shaw! (none / 0) (#40)
    by Anonymous Reader on Thu Oct 11th, 2001 at 08:39:41 PM PST
    Give or take a little error checking, it's as easy as "UPDATE comments SET body='foo' WHERE comment_id='231423'" or whatever. Now you're just being lazy. :)

    Public Enemy (none / 0) (#37)
    by jcolter on Mon Oct 1st, 2001 at 03:20:54 AM PST
    Well farrakhans a prophet and i think yuo ought to listen to what he can say to you. its probably fair to say

    The above is a reference to the hip hop group Public Enemy. I don't remember what song but IIRC it was off It takes a Nation of Millions. Am I correct?

    No. It is word for word what Mr Massoud said. (none / 0) (#38)
    by dmg on Mon Oct 1st, 2001 at 06:55:24 AM PST
    It may bear a semblance to the track 'Don't believe the Hype' by aforementioned group but then, just because some words are in a song, and I use those words, does not mean I am quoting a song.

    What is likely is that as an Islamic Fundamentalist extremist, Mr Massoud enjoys listening to radical Islamic music (such as that produced by Public Enemy, and Professor Griff and the Last Asiatic Disciples) and it has somehow buried itself in his consciousness. Don't forget after all that english is not his first or second language.

    time to give a Newtonian demonstration - of a bullet, its mass and its acceleration.
    -- MC Hawking

    Oh, my. (3.50 / 2) (#33)
    by theR on Thu Sep 27th, 2001 at 02:25:31 PM PST
    While I respect the talent and hard work of those on the staff here, I am afraid you may have fallen for a dastardly hoax. I am afraid I can't reveal my sources of information, but it appears that you may have interviewed a pretender. Indeed, it is a sad day when Mr. D (first name Chuck, but I shall withold his last name in the interest of his safety) must pretend to be a Taleban warlord to get his jollies. I'm surprised he didn't throw in a link to one of his numerous websites to promote himself. If ever there was an evil act, screwing with your journalistic integrity fits the bill.

    It's all right to cry,
    Crying takes the sad out of you.

    -- Rosey Grier


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