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I would give up masturbation:
As incintive to lose weight. 0%
Because a religious leader told me to. 30%
Because I don't enjoy it. 7%
At the request of my significant other. 0%
Out of general shame. 0%
For Money. 23%
NOT! 38%

Votes: 13

 I'm Gonna Play All Night.

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Sep 18, 2001

You know, I actually have an entire essay written about this on paper. I was going to throw it in with an account of my day yesterday, and how it all lead me to make the decision I'm making right now. Then I said "fuck it". No one would care about that shit anyways...


More diaries by Electric Angst
Feeling So Real
Well, let's see what happens...
Break My Body, Hold My Bones.
I'm sick. Fuck Off.
I Guess I'm Just a Sick, Sick Bastard.
Smile Down on Me
Bloody Your Hands on a Cactus Tree...
Oh my Golly!
I Want A Girl With A Mind Like A Diamond
Mister Macho Man, Is It True?
Lust for Life
No L-O-I-T-E-R-I-N-G Allowed
Ever Fallen in Love With Somone You Shouldn't Have Fallen in Love With?
There She Goes...
You're Older Than You've Ever Been. And now You're Even Older.
34 Cent Stamps.
Wish You Were Here
That girl thinks she's the queen of the neighborhood.
Oh, by the way...
You Know...
-Giving My Goodbye
Well I'm Just a Modern Guy...
Run Away.
Something in the Way
The Fact That I Adore You is Just One of My Truths.
It's Over.
Ho boy I'm Fat!
The funny thing is, trhurler lurks and reads this...
The Plan...
Why do I feel good today?
Shit I'm Horny!
Damn damn damn.
Good Day
Much and more...
Let the Bible Belt Come and Save My Soul.
A Query.
I know why Europeans hate Americans...
Ok How I Wish...
Rich Man
Thank Goodness.
Yule is Coming!
Unfettered Boobies
Here We Go...
Dinner Tonight.
You know...

I'm fat. I'm getting fatter. My weight-loss program of earlier months died off once I lost my job. I'm also a horny bastard, with a tendancy to indulge myself quite often. So, I'm going to use one to fix the other. To put it in Something Awful Terms:

No Fapping 'Till I Weigh 250.

The essay I had written up was about the significance of ascetic mystics who channeles their sexual energies elsewhere and how the Pagan community seems to totally ignore them while concentrating on almost exclusivly on the sexually-indulging mystics.

The events of yesterday was me eating a bit too much and actually having to take my belt out one notch, something I haven't had to do since I was a Senior in high school.

So, combining that with the fact that I want to look more attractive, I'm going to refrain from masturbation until I weigh 250 pounds or less. Sure, I'll still have sex, but I'm not going to initiate anything, which means I won't be doing that enough to sate myself.

Will this work, who knows. Will this be yet another of the infamous quests that Electric Angst sets out on only to fail? We'll see...


Unsolicited advice (none / 0) (#1)
by StrontiumDog on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 02:15:11 AM PST
Don't break up with Rosie Palm!
  • Jerking off burns calories. The act of spanking your monkey is exercise in itself, and spermatozoa are very energy-rich. Consider shooting your wad into a tissue not as wanking, but as directly draining away excess calories.
  • Plus, it feels good.
  • Plus, it's bad enough being fat, without being fat and perpetually horny.
  • Plus, choking your chicken regularly leads to mental and emotional balance and well-being. The alternative is mental inbalance, fanaticism and insanity. Look at bin Laden. Look at these eyes. makes you immediately think, "Now there's a guy who isn't beating the meat often enough". I betcha if Hitler and Stalin had been cranking the shank more often WW2 would never have happened.
So in the name of all civilisation, get up on there and Ride the Great White Knuckler.

On a serious note, if you want to do something positive about your weight, join a gym. Not a weeny fitness franchise with tae-bo, spandex and shiny machines, but a real gym, with barbells and pig-iron plates. Start powerlifting. I'm completely serious; this is what I advise most overweight young guys to do. Powerlifting (the whole gamut: benching, squatting, deadlifting) has some big plusses:
  • It builds muscle. More muscle mass increases your basal metabolic rate and you burn fat faster.
  • You get strong. This is always good. It is always better to be a 300lb with the strength of an NFL lineman than a 300lb couch potato who gets herniated from lifting a sixpack.
  • Fat is not frowned upon in a powerlifter. The only thing that matters is getting stronger.
  • You won't have to diet. In fact, as you get stronger and lift more, you will probably have to increase your calory intake.
  • It's good for your self confidence. You worry much less about a paunch or love handles when you know that you're one strong mo-fo.

Weights for weight loss (none / 0) (#2)
by Anonymous Coward on Wed Sep 19th, 2001 at 10:09:56 AM PST
As one who has tried this plan, I must say that exercise really increases your appetite. I find I eat enough to maintain my hungry fat and muscles both. (Present tense because I continue on this foolish plan, like so many of us do until a terrorist act makes us view the world anew.)
-- Support the home page homeless.


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