Wicca - a scientific, Christian approach to the problem

Witchcraft (or Wicca) is a very old belief system, dating back to barbaric pre-Christian European times. It is a belief system based on the forces of nature and of a balance between good and evil. Modern Wiccans eschew much of the pagan side of their religion and often their beliefs amount to little more than a fashion statement. Teenage girls especially find the black clothing, satanic imagery to be 'cool' and 'radical'. I asked some Californian Wiccan teens to explain their beliefs.

Brandi Simmons (15) from Laguna Beach: "Well its like you know, all about like, the forces of nature and stuff".
Debbii Morrison (14) from Garden Grove, Orange County:: "All my friends are into Wicca. We all dress up in black and go hang out at the mall. People look and stare, but they just don't understand us. We're different from normal people. I think they cannot handle that".
Shaniqua Jones (16) from Inglewood, Los Angeles:: "As black teenager I guess I am unusual being into Wicca, but the powers of nature are especially strong for women, and wicca lets me have the freedom to be who I am".

When further questioned about their beliefs, all we could really extract from these teens was that Wicca, unlike other religions had some cool clothes, and was misunderstood by their parents, teachers and the mainstream media.

Fair enough you might think. It seems pretty harmless, these girls enjoy dressing up, and being part of a cool 'clique' that adults don't understand. And I would agree with you, if it were that simple. But some of these girls may well be tampering with real forces of evil way beyond their comprehension. And that is a problem.

Our modern images of Wiccans or Witches (to give them their proper name) comes from TV programs such as 'Bewitched' and 'Sabrina'. Unfortunately there is nothing amusing or comical about witchcraft in the real world. Real world witchcraft involves pure evil. True witches are capable of casting spells, putting the 'evil eye' on people, even (and this is not a joke) flying around on broomsticks. In order to create some of their 'spells' they may have to kill endangered species of plant or animal. Some of these spells involve naked dancing at midnight. Should young teenage girls really be doing these things ?

Some teen Wiccans may not be true witches. They probably simply wear a pentagram and black clothes. I am not interested in these people. But some of these teenagers have become fully-fledged witches, and are practicing their evil from the bedrooms of suburban America. (There is some evidence to suggest that the recent dot-com bomb was engineered by a group of thirteen Wiccan teens in order to win a school investment club competition.)

Now to the solution. In the old days, witches were burned at the stake. This may sound cruel, but America supports the death penalty, and this is simply the safest way we have to deal with the evil of witchcraft - burning ensures that any evil spirits are cleansed by the flames. As an more humane alternative we could use a silver bullet which contrary to popular belief works on witches as well as vampires. Perhaps the safest approach would be to shoot them with a silver bullet after burning them at the stake. (Sure amnesty may not approve of these methods of execution, but then they seem to be very much a pro-criminal organization.)

Then we are left with only one problem. That of how to identify the real witches in our community as opposed to those who are simply wearing the clothes and don't have any real clue about Wicca ?

The solution is simple and as old as the hills. In England many many years ago, Christian leaders discovered that real witches float and can breathe underwater. Obviously normal human beings cannot. These pioneering Christian scientists adapted a piece of technology called a 'Ducking Stool' and created a device that was capable of distinguishing between true Witches and normal human beings.

My suggestion to solving the wiccan problem is simple. We need to install ducking stools in all of our high-school swimming pools. There will be an anonymous box in the entrance to each school, where students can write the names of girls suspected of being Wiccan. Then every Friday, those girls whose names are in the box can be taken to the swimming pool placed on the Ducking Stool, and tested to see if they are truly evil witches. If they are, we can then burn them at the stake.

	Wicca (3.00 / 4) (#11)
	by bc on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 10:57:43 AM PST

	I suppose it depends where wicca is performed? We all know that wicca is the oldest religion, with a clear and unbroken lineage all the way back to Stonehenge, 3500BC. So in the celtic countries of Europe (Wales, Ireland, Scotland, Brittany in France and Cornwall in England) Wicca is wrapped up in the land and in the culture of the nation and the people. For example, London used to be Londinium in Roman times, and before that it was Lugdunum, from the ancient Wiccan God Lug, God of Bogs. Lug was revered, as Wicca was a ground based religion, people thought the gods lived beneath them, in pits and dark places. They used to sacrifice people to God Lug by throwing them in a bog. Near where I live is an archaelogical dig where they discovered an ancient celtic hut, from 1000BC or so. Next to the front door, on the left hand side was found a pit, with 500 left elbows in it. Noone has any idea what this was in aid of, but it is a common find among the Celts who spread out from La Tene to the edges of Europe. The ancient religions are unforgiving and evil. In America it seems to be just a fad though. Why doesn't someone promote the traditional Red Indian religions? Those ones are wrapped up in the land over there, if not with the people. At least it would be better for you than Wiccan. Now, I grew up in a small village on the East coast of Scotland called Crail. It was a haven of Wiccan and witchcraft - the head of the pagan church in Scotland lived there, and there were also several satanists resident in the village (you probably think I am making this up, but I'm not - Crail is a very odd, old, cliqueish village). These people are actually quite dangerous, and I have read in many Dennis Wheatly books of the evils they get up to. So I would caution any child of mine from entering into the wiccan church, unless she knew what she was getting herself into. But if it is just a matter of style, then that seems okay to me. Just be careful you don't get in to deep - the Goddess and the Horned God can be unforgiving. In short, if you are an American pagan, you are in it for the style and nothing else, and if you are a European one you are ignorant or evil or both. ♥, bc.

	Why all this HATE? (1.00 / 1) (#30)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 11:18:07 PM PST

	Why do some people automatically assume every other religion is evil? I know plenty of Wiccans who are really nice and wouldn't think of using magick to harm anyone. Unfortuantly their are some bad people out there who claim they are Wiccans without having any idea what Wicca really is. A true Wiccan believes in the Wiccan Rede An' ye harm none do as ye will. They believe in Mother earth and seek to express her in their everyday lives. A true Wiccan doesn't do evil in fact most don't even believe in the devil! Just because they say they are Wiccan doesn't make them one. Does saying your a christian make you a christian? Same with other religions. Saying your a particuler religion does not automatically make you a member of that religion. To be a true wiccan or a true christian you practice by its tenants. Yes some people do evil and call it Wicca but they have no concept of the religion. As for the teenagers that dmg talked to well me being a teenager maybe I can shed a little light on that. Teenagers love to rebel and they view Wicca as rebelllion. Most Wiccans don't go around wearing black robes for example so I wouldn't take what they say at face value... And besides not all Wiccans do magick. Alot of them do because they feel it makes them close to the Divine but not all... Basically what I'm trying to say their are bad "wiccans" as well as bad "christians" . That doesn't make the religion as a whole evil does it? Just cuz their are a couple of bad seeds? Anyway I suggest everyone do some more research and dmg maybe you should talk to some "true" wiccans and you will see they aren't evil. Well most of them anyway... They only seek to get closer to the Divine as do the rest of us. Walk in Light and Love Anna Sirii

	Ahhh - TRUE Wiccans... (none / 0) (#36)
	by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jul 13th, 2001 at 03:21:41 AM PST

	dmg must have been talking to the FAKE Wiccans. But how does one tell whether someone is a true Wiccan or not ? It seems quite difficult. I believe it was Wittgenstein who said 'Whereinof I cannot speak - I should remain silent' I suspect dmg should have taken Wittgenstein's advice (even though he was a suspected Nazi)

	Wittgenstein or Heidegger? (5.00 / 1) (#54)
	by johnny ambiguous on Fri Jul 13th, 2001 at 11:54:19 AM PST

	Sure you don't have your philosophers mixed? I never heard any rumor that Wittgenstein had Nazi leanings. In fact he felt threatened enough by the rise of Hitler that he fled Austria for Cambridge. Heidegger, on the other hand...that fucker, sheesh. Yours WDK - WKiernan@concentric.net Getting into my Chevrolet Magic Fire, I drove slowly back to the office. - L. Rosen

	You are correct. (none / 0) (#73)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jul 15th, 2001 at 01:56:15 PM PST

	It was Nietsche whose writings were viewed as pro-Nazi.

	I think you miss the point... (none / 0) (#76)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jul 16th, 2001 at 06:18:56 AM PST

	Nietzsche, Wittgenstein, and Heidegger were all Germans. Naziism was a movement in Germany, and so since they were part of that culture, it seems perfectly clear that all three were Nazis.

	I am now invoking Godwin's law (1.00 / 1) (#77)
	by Anonymous Reader on Mon Jul 16th, 2001 at 09:51:43 AM PST

	This discussion is closed.

	Obviously, (none / 0) (#78)
	by CaptainZornchugger on Mon Jul 16th, 2001 at 11:03:01 AM PST

	You forgot to read the faq. Please see the answer to the question 'Does this website support Godwin's Law?'

	That's an interesting timeline, considering... (none / 0) (#80)
	by Anonymous Reader on Tue Jul 17th, 2001 at 03:01:50 AM PST

	Hitler was 11 years old when Nietzsche died.

	And of course, (none / 0) (#82)
	by CaptainZornchugger on Tue Jul 17th, 2001 at 06:04:34 AM PST

	Hitler's Nazi party were the first Nazis Germany ever had. </sarcasm>

	Lies! Damn Lies! (4.00 / 2) (#12)
	by Electric Angst on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 11:08:03 AM PST

	This post is totally untrue. While it is constructed in a very convincing manner, the author makes one fatal flaw that this Pagan can instantly recognize, and I will show it to all of you here... In the article, the author quoted a woman named Shaniqua Jones, from Inglewood, CA. Now, a young lady with a first name like 'Shaniqua' who lives in Inglewood is, most certainly, of African descent. Now, as any Pagan can tell you, there are no Wiccans of African descent. Not a single one. After all, if you were of African descent, would you really want to go around, wearing tacky black robes that are a mockery of your perfect ebony skin, and chant the names of a bunch of European cracker dieties? The answer is, obviously, no, though apparently the author doesn't really know enough about Wicca to avoid such a glaring error... -- In the dark times, will there still be singing? Yes, there will be singing. There will be singing about the dark times. -- Bertolt Brecht

	You'll read that years from now and gasp! (1.00 / 3) (#15)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 12:15:03 PM PST

	You're kidding right? Did you just say that Black people shouldn't want to try Wicca because they're Black? I seem to remember you saying this: "Tiger Woods is a black person who won a golf tournament? That's obviously not possible. This author doesn't know what they're talking about. Ask any golf player, a black person has never played golf before. Why would they want to? They're not white!" God you're dense.

	Wow, Sarcasm hit you like a lead pipe... (4.66 / 3) (#16)
	by Electric Angst on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 12:31:19 PM PST

	Such anger, perhaps you didn't understand the satirical point of my post. Yes, there are black Wiccans. Hell, I've net a few. Still, Wicca is overwhelmingly white (moreso than Professional Golf) and it's no surprise. The strong concentration on "our Celtic heritage" and general concentration on European dieties (you can find Wiccan material on a minor Greek diety like Eris than you could dig up on Eshu, one of the more important dieties in West African Paganism) make for an enviornment that is hardly as accepting of minorities as most Wiccans would themselves like to believe. Also, when you consider that the primary converting force for Wicca, new-age and occult books, are generally printed and marketed for an audience of young, middle class, white people, than even the meager amount of blacks in Wicca right now are surprising. So, Wicca is overwhelmingly white. That's a fact, and that's the point I was trying to exaggerate into humor in my previous post... -- In the dark times, will there still be singing? Yes, there will be singing. There will be singing about the dark times. -- Bertolt Brecht

	A Problem with Wicca (4.40 / 5) (#13)
	by Trollaxor on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 11:41:48 AM PST

	Is, quite frankly, that is attracts the fringe. Fat chicks with dyed hair and obese men with beards. Hmm. Is Wicca at all related to Open Source or Free Software?

	Wicca was INVENTED. (5.00 / 2) (#75)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jul 15th, 2001 at 09:05:26 PM PST

	>>>We all know that wicca is the oldest religion, with a clear and unbroken lineage all the way back to Stonehenge, 3500BC. So in the celtic countries of Europe (Wales, Ireland, Scotland, Brittany in France and Cornwall in England) Wicca is wrapped up in the land and in the culture of the nation and the people. For example, London used to be Londinium in Roman times, and before that it was Lugdunum, from the ancient Wiccan God Lug, God of Bogs. Lug was revered, as Wicca was a ground based religion, people thought the gods lived beneath them, in pits and dark places. They used to sacrifice people to God Lug by throwing them in a bog.>>> You are such an idiot. Wicca was INVENTED, let me repeat that, INVENTED about sixty years ago. Wicca in its current for has not existed for more than half a century, and you need to know that. As for the "Wiccan god" Lug... there's no such thing. Wiccans are duothiestic, and as such any individual gods and goddesses that are worshipped are seen as aspects of the Lord and Lady. That the Pagan community knows so little about itself sickens me. Here, Chuck

	Why yes (4.33 / 3) (#17)
	by Peter Johnson on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 01:01:47 PM PST

	The neopaganism FAQ used to be maintained by noted open source blowhard Eric S. Raymond. --Peter Are you adequate? --Peter Are you adequate?

	No Shit (4.33 / 3) (#20)
	by Trollaxor on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 03:27:24 PM PST

	Really! Well there's something that hasn't been written about yet. Haha. Even if you just lied to me it's still something to write about.

	If this is true !!! (5.00 / 2) (#35)
	by Anonymous Reader on Fri Jul 13th, 2001 at 03:19:03 AM PST

	Then he has a LOT of explaining to do...

	believe it or not... (none / 0) (#26)
	by motherfuckin spork on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 08:18:53 PM PST

	I actually know someone who is Wiccan, is fairly attractive, does not dye her hair, was/is Catholic, and it one of the most intensely spiritualistic people I've ever met. She alone has convinced me that not all Wiccans are as you have described... but a lot of them certaintly are. I think sometimes its a matter of "Wiccan for the sake of being different" vs. "Wiccan because I see things differently". My friend represents a rarely found open-mindedness to things religous and spiritual. Others seem to be trying to "find themselves" and oft end up failing, looking like fools in the process. anyway, there you have it I am not who you think I am.

	Yeah, I knew a cute wiccan too (none / 0) (#29)
	by Peter Johnson on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 09:31:23 PM PST

	In Utah, by the name of Julie. She seemed like a nice person, but I'm afraid I was unable to extract her from the claws of the wiccans. Now it's too late. --Peter Are you adequate? --Peter Are you adequate?

	"intensely spiritual" (none / 0) (#99)
	by Victors Monster on Mon Jul 23rd, 2001 at 09:48:45 PM PST

	The word "spiritual" has become, like wicca, both a trendy and an ill-defined concept. Perhaps you could clarify exactly what "intense spirituality" constitutes?

	The goddess is alive, and magic is afoot! (4.33 / 3) (#14)
	by Victors Monster on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 11:43:03 AM PST

	Why is it that "Wicca" is dominated by 30-year-old D&D players and pallid, homely young women? I think it has something to do with sexual dissatisfaction. Goddess Bless! God Bless The Freaks! Isis! Isis! Rah rah rah! Normal People Worry Me (and other clever bumper-stickers)

	Wiccan Misconceptions (2.66 / 3) (#18)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 01:25:33 PM PST

	I'm not sure where dmg got his ideas about Wicca, but they are not such evil-seekers as he seems to portray. Referencing a site that dmg links to, there is an essay explaining Wicca and witchcraft. It is far from being an evil religion and is in fact quite in tune with nature and goodness. They don't kill endangered species of plant or animal for spells. I suggest that dmg does more research next time he decides to rant about how good or bad it is.

	excuse me, (none / 0) (#28)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 09:12:34 PM PST

	but I guess it never ocurred to you that they're so evil they'd lie about it.

	so evil they'd lie? (none / 0) (#74)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sun Jul 15th, 2001 at 08:34:57 PM PST

	Yes, so evil that they'd lie. Of course, someone so simplistic can't imagine that it's simply the axiom "Truth is stranger than fiction" put into action. Generally, pagans will tell the truth about their beliefs for one reason. They don't care who believes them or not because they're not out to save the souls of the world.

	It warms my heart (3.00 / 5) (#21)
	by SpaceGhoti on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 04:27:33 PM PST

	To see that good, old-fashioned bigotry and closed-mindedness remain firmly bundled with religious ignorance and fanaticism. I think what amuses me most is to discover how many "Christian" rituals (Transubstantiation, anyone?) were borrowed from other religions of the time (sun worshipers), a tactic proven by Roman conquests. "Your gods aren't true gods. They're really faces of our god." Very little makes me more sick than people who think they can dictate religion, morality and thought to others who have committed the heinous crime of disagreeing. A troll's true colors.

	Hypocritical much? NC (5.00 / 2) (#87)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 19th, 2001 at 11:33:46 AM PST

	What? (3.25 / 4) (#22)
	by id10t on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 06:23:33 PM PST

	Okay, looks like it's time for dmg to learn a bit. As a Wiccan, I can assure you that we do not "cast the evil eye", "ride broomsticks", and most especially we do not sacrifice any animals in our rituals. Our first belief is known as "The Threefold Law", which tells us that whatever we create, be it joy or sorrow, laughter or pain, is brought back to us threefold. We also follow: An it harm none, do as thou wilt. As you can see, these two laws alone prevent us from doing as dmg suggests. A practitioner of black magic simply does not last long, and does harm only to herself. We take great care in our daily lives to help those around us, and to help to preserve the environment. Ours is a religion that is very close to nature, and we revere what we find in the natural world. Frankly, people like dmg are more dangerous than you might think. Not that it's likely that such laws might be passed, but that this kind of scare mongering and misinformation can cause hysteria and fear among those who know nothing of Wicca and are easily swayed. Please, dmg, before you post anything like this again, do some real research.

	That sounds a bit fundamentalist... (3.20 / 5) (#23)
	by bc on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 06:51:46 PM PST

	...and even self contradictory. We all know that the Judeo-Christian ethic of `An eye for and eye, a tooth for a tooth` is a very primitive and outmoded form of morality. But this wiccan system of `Three eyes for an eye, three teeth for a tooth` seems three times worse! Wicca has never seemed especially close to nature to me either - most of its practitioners are urban or suburban creatures, who wouldn't know cow shit from squirrel turds. It irritates me when townies, urban wiccans and so on glorify this myth of nature, the Goddess, and so on. Nature is red in tooth and claw, and if anything we should be damned thankful we are escaping its awful machinations. The simple fact is we couldn;t survive in nature. We are a tool using species. This isn;t to say I don't enjoy driving through Provence or taking a camping trip to look at wild unblemished scenery, but if I do I make damn sure and take my thermos flask, gas stove, nylon tent, polyester clothers and PVC boots with me :) However, I would be against scare mongering and passing extremistlaws against wiccans, could you tell me where this is happening? It sounds interesting. ♥, bc.

	Nature Red In Tooth And Claw (4.33 / 3) (#24)
	by Peter Johnson on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 07:01:51 PM PST

	That's Tennyson is it not? I admire a firm grasp of poetry. --Peter Are you adequate? --Peter Are you adequate?

	You missed the point. (2.00 / 2) (#25)
	by id10t on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 07:43:48 PM PST

	We don't extract revenge for harm done to us, not at all. We simply believe that if we do harm, it is returned to us threefold, therefore we obviously try never to harm anyone or anything if we can avoid it. As for living in the natural world, whether you like to believe it or not, you do. Don't issues of pollution and global warming have effect in the city as well as in the country? Of course they do. You can no more escape the natural world than you can escape living; the only way out of either is death.

	scare mongering (1.33 / 3) (#27)
	by SpaceGhoti on Thu Jul 12th, 2001 at 08:57:58 PM PST

	By a cosmic coincidence, I've got an answer for you: the very first story I submitted to K5 here. Then look up our revered US President Bush's comments regarding any religion that doesn't include "Christian" in the name. Are Christians trying to scare monger against Wiccans and other alternate religions? Damned straight. In Cherry Creek, New York, there's a strong New Age movement along with a significant Wiccan presence. As a native of that area who grew up under strong "Christian" influences, I can testify as to the stories told about what happens when "good Christians" attempt to "minister" to the pagans. The tales of black magic run rampant. Try doing some research on a topic you're trying to debunk before you make any claims. A troll's true colors.

	So you can testify to heresay. Your point? (1.00 / 1) (#88)
	by Anonymous Reader on Thu Jul 19th, 2001 at 11:40:19 AM PST

	eye for an eye (1.00 / 1) (#104)
	by Anonymous Reader on Sat Aug 4th, 2001 at 04:21:03 PM PST

	Eye for an eye is not christian, its summarian and part of Hammurabi's code. The first and worst legal system known to be developed.