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[editor's note, by jsm] Please note that Adequacy is not Kuro5hin, and diaries are edited submissions just like any other articles. I've corrected a few typos below, and removed all statements whose factual accuracy cannot be confirmed. Trollaxor, we have preserved the redacted material; if you can post links to your evidence, it will be reinstated, but not otherwise. Please remember that adequacy.org is not a troll site, and as I'm sure you'll understand, your choice of handle means that you will inevitably attract more than your share of scrutiny.
[Editor's Note, by zikzak] While jsm has done a masterful job at delicately removing any content of debatable accuracy, _____'s article still contains material that reflets a personal attack against the individual _____, the country _____, and the networks _____ and _____. In the interest of caution, I have removed all such references, while being careful to leave intact the general flow of the story. I have also chosen to utilise a method to differentiate my adjustments from those of jsm to improve readability and clarity.
[Editor's Note, by seventypercent] It has come to our attention that until such time that these outrageous accusations are actually proven, we should be careful to refer to the target of said accusations in a gender-neutral manner, so as to ensure complete anonymity. We also needed to elide some of the more edgy language in this piece.
An urgent matter of national security has come to my attention. A devious _____ ***** with an ego to match _____'s is exercising a reign of terror on _____. In this essay I will detail where [redacted, pending evidence of _____'s name]("_____") came from, how he/she created his/her power-base, and what he/she intends to do with it. Some of the content may shock you. Though used to paranoia, ********, and blatant ******, trolls are not used to dealing with issues of international terrorism. Hopefully this essay will prepare you before it's too late.
_____ was born [redacted, until the author can provide evidence to support his description of the circumstances of _____'s birth].
Apparently [redacted, until the author can provide evidence supporting the allegations made concerning both _____'s sex life and that of the Ayatollah Khoneini]
When, in 1989, the Ayatollah Khomeini passed into the next world, _____ was shattered. [allowed to remain for the time being, but note that claims regarding _____'s emotional state have not been supported] Being only seven he/she couldn't understand why
In 1993, after years of hard life [redacted pending proof that _____ has visited _____] _____ met up with a group of [redacted] hackers. Being fat and smelling typically like armpits, these hackers hadn't had sex in years. Young _____, his/her smooth body full of promise, seemed to be the answer. [redacted].
_____ picked up computer skills alongside the [redacted]parties held by the lonely hackers. Between [redacted pending proof of allegations regarding _____ian hackers' sex lives] _____ learned Linux userland utilities. For every time _____'s [redacted pending proof of _____'s learning methods] he/she learned a new Linux kernel compile option. [redacted, likewise] cooresponded to a deluge of Linux lingo and elitist thought. And by the time 1997 rolled around, _____ was virtually one of the hackers, [redacted, likewise]It was then that _____ was told the _____ian Secret.[allowed to remain pending evidence; no proof yet provided of the existence of such a secret]
The Great Satan
America, _____ was told by the _____ian Linux hackers, was the Great Satan, the enemy of all the virtues and truths and graces of the Muslim religion. It was a Jihad [factually correct that a jihad was launched around this time; no proof of _____'s involvment], _____ was further told, to [redacted pending evidence of _____'s involvement in any treasonable conspiracies against the United States of America, democracy, or combinations thereof]. This was the reason why Linux was created [not proven, stet], and this was the reason why the _____ians [redacted pending evidence of _____ian choice of OS, reasons for such choice and _____'s opinion on said choice]
_____ was on a plane days later [redacted pending evidence that _____ was on a plane].
By 1999, the Year of the Beast, _____ had been living [redacted pending confirmation of _____'s living arrangements. Note that the author is clearly ignorant of the fact that a devout Muslim would hardly have any more to do with "pork grease" than the Jewish population of Manhattan's Lower East Side] ... only the web address http://_____.___/.
Minutes later _____ was logged in and turned on.
After posting frequently to _____, _____ became aquainted with its Rogues' Gallery of editors: _____ _____, Editor-in-Chief, terrible speller, and [redacted]; _____, the [redacted]; _____, the fat, sweaty Steve Jobs wannabe; _____, gullible _____, who made it feel alright to buy the hype; and _____ _____, [redacted] **** editor / censorer and [redacted] of _____. _____ was elated! He could fit right into this circle-jerk of talentless ego and maniacal homosexuality! [allowed to stand; no specific evidence provided, but seems plausible] A few emails later, he/she and _____ _____ had [redacted, pending evidence of any such conspiracy]. _____ was launching its own IRC network. And IRC networks need IRC Operators, supreme authorities of the chat servers.
Soon after, ___._____.___ went live, to the jubilation of [redacted] and slashbots everywhere. Now they could interact in real time, while sitting [redacted, pending evidence of typical state of being of _____ users]in the safety of their own basements!
To _____, his/her job was not work. It was joy. He/she got to kick, ban, devoice, password protect, and kline to his/her heart's content. He/she was a [redacted, pending evidence for numerous allegations regarding _____ ops]
It wasn't long before _____ [redacted, pending evidence that you and your pals were banned for any other reason than acting like dicks, which I note is also sufficient grounds for being banned from Adequacy].
Casualties in the war against _____ today include _____, _____ enemy and admin of _____; _____, labelled subversive due to [redacted, see above]; and _____, [redacted, see above]. To this day these heroes are still klined from ___._____.___-- [redacted]
Hopefully you realize the depth of what I have just revealed to you. _____ is a [redacted] who has gathered a band of [redacted] and rules ___._____.___ with an iron fist [redacted, see above ad nauseam]!
____ is a fine, upstanding citizen and an honest, diligent and fair IRC operator. His/her technical savvy is second to none and he/she is a perfect role model for all of us. His/her work has incalculably improved the lives of all users of ___.________.___. _____, we salute you![editor's note, by jsm] I tried to keep the editing as light as possible.