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 The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, terrorism, and decolonisation

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Dec 26, 2001
The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska is one of the world's largest untouched arctic preserves. Almost the size of South Carolina at over 8 million acres, it contains a full range of arctic and subarctic habitats, with the widest ecological variety of any comparable arctic reserve. Some species endangered elsewhere are common there. It has caribou herds; 36 land mammals; all three species of North American bear; archeological sites; and no introduced species whatsoever.

However, unless action is taken, all this could soon be no more.


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This should come as no surprise, as it was perfectly predictable. It is the logical consequence, after all, of the the Supreme Court's coronation of "President" George W. Bush, a candidate backed by big oil interests and coming from a state so horrendously pro-oil that it even tried to outlaw riding bikes in groups larger than 3.

Now the aftermath of the WTC attacks has provided His Majesty's administration with new excuses to rape nature for the benefit of a few corporations.

Since the Refuge is in federal lands, with the US Congress in full war frenzy, we cannot count anybody in the US government to stop this. Thus, more unconventional methods are required. And examining the history of Alaska, a plan jumps out. Alaskan Independence.

Alaska's admission into the Union was, after all, illegal. Though the clearest online exposition of this fact is about Hawaii, the story is the same for Alaska: the US, claiming to be following UN decolonisation policy, illegaly twists it in order to legitimate its expansionist goals. The "self-determination" referenda were yes/no statehood votes (and not offering a independence or commonwealth options as mandated by the UN policy the US cited as justification for them), in which the natives of the colonies were denied information and participation, and recent immigrants from the US (most offensively, US military personnel) were allowed to vote. This is illegitimate annexation, not self determination.

Thus, in this light the moves by the current administration to exploit the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge are colonial and blatantly illegal, and by international law, armed resistance is justified. We must all promote such resistance; otherwise all is lost.

Of course, the Alaskans need to be supplied with weapons. Sadly, we can't count on our friends from the true-blooded USian the National Rifle Association to help us, unless we deprive them of some amount of the blood in question; after all, we will be committing treason to the USA. Thus, we need to enlist a different ally: the Russian Mafia.

They've got the guns. They've got the military equipment. They've got uniforms (an essential for any self-respecting soldier). And they want the money. And Alaska was originally Russian, anyway; I'm sure they must feel responsible deep down for the situation.

After the weapons are secured, then it's a matter of military organization and training. The thing is to identify organizations with such training that may be persuaded to assist the fight. The Militia of Montana might just be the trick; a trade of Russian guns (given the already acquired connections) for training should do it.

Obviously, the US armed forces are powerful. This means that we must fight a long guerilla war to defeat them. Surely, the support of the great Alaskan natives will be indispensable. Our Ak-47s will surely be useful as hunting rifles, and vast amounts of free seal meat will doubtless gain the favor of this hardy people.

Given the weapons, knowledge of the terain and support of the locals, victory shall be ours.


Crab Smugglers as Allies? (none / 0) (#2)
by Skewed Buddhist on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 03:29:22 AM PST
Frankly I find it somewhat offensive that you'd align yourself with known crab smugglers and hackers regardless of the nobility of your cause.

I'd reckon that in 1867, seven million two hundred thousand dollars in gold was a fair bit of change for a large parcel of frozen tundra. And if you read the fine print:

Article III

The inhabitants of the ceded territory, according to their choice, reserving their natural allegiance, may return to Russia within three years; but if they should prefer to remain in the ceded territory, they, with the exception of uncivilized native tribes, shall be admitted to the enjoyment of all the rights, advantages, and immunities of citizens of the United States, and shall be maintained and protected in the free enjoyment of their liberty, property, and religion. The uncivilized tribes will be subject to such laws and regulations as the United States may from time to time adopt in regard to aboriginal tribes of that country.

And given the choice (by the good graces of W his own damned self) 75% of the local population welcomes the intrusion!

I must admit though, anything Martin Sheen is for I'm agin. He should've eaten the shrimp the rat bastard.

Time wounds all heels - Groucho Marx

woah you crazed liberal (5.00 / 1) (#3)
by philipm on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 05:59:27 AM PST
I'm sure glad I'm not your mama.

Are you even aware of how many of the adequacy editors are members of the russian mafia and the yakuza?

You know what I find really disturbing? Its this blind crazed catholic liberal criticism of W.

Here is a conversation I found on the web. After reading this you will never ever criticize the mafia again.

Southerner: did you tell them that you owned an oil well?
Texan: Hmm. I'll try that again later tonight.
Texan: Yes. I told them my 600 barrel a day oil well was right in the middle of all kinds of threatened creatures, which were small and cute and furry, or at least used to be before I hosed them down.
Southerner: and then you ate them?
Southerner: after setting them on fire to cook them?
Texan: And then I stuffed them between the gears of my deep-well rotating motor, to clean out the sand.
Southerner: well, hold it right there partner, now might you be stretching the truth a little? no gears can take that kind of abuse. What did you really do?
Texan: These were very soft and cute endangered species. Some kind of seal pup, I think. They had had big round brown eyes and begged for mercy by making sounds like a baby crying. But if the price of oil goes over 15 a barrel, my boy W might get in some sticky politics, see ?
Southerner: gotcha, no need to speak more, there might be some overly liberal people about
Texan: Where ? I gots some more gears that needs greasing with the fresh hippie blood.
Southerner: Oh, now you've gone and done it you varmint. You've got the northerners riled up again. They'll be down on us quicker then a mexican on a burrito
Texan: I'll raise heatin' aile to 3 bucks a gallon !!! THat's keep 'em home a shiverin' and votin' for Ed Kennedy like they 'sposed to.
Southerner: I think W areleady beat you to it. Why he started a war just to keep them northeners in line and docile like.
Southerner: Need to make them appreciate this here domestic oil
Texan: Well, I'll be durned. That's what all this gee-gaw numsuch in the papers is ? I'll be durned. That W is one smart pub, just like his daddy. See, a simple old boy like me, I'd uv just declared war on the Yanks direct, see ? I'll be durned.
Southerner: That W is one smart burrito. He got the northener eating out of one hand, while he is smacking the arabs with the other to keep their oil prices low.
Southerner: His daddy raised him real good
Southerner: and he's letting the northeners think he's not too smart so he can keep local business profitable like.


Allies (3.00 / 2) (#4)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 06:20:35 AM PST
Be sure that when the time comes to fight many ppl from around the world will come to aid your noble cause.
America has always been synonym to pollution and destruction.
May alaskans be the first to win a war against the us and the rest of the free world will follow.
Make th efirst step towards liberty for all humanity and salvation for the planet.
With Gods help (and ours of course) you will succeed.God bless Alaska. Goddamn Texas - the land of rednecks and lizzards.

Al Qaeda (none / 0) (#5)
by Slubberdegullion on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 11:14:55 AM PST
You seem to be overlooking one of the best possible sources of support in this venture: Al Qaeda. Al Qaeda has recently taken severe damage from George W. Bush's military campaign, but they are sure to still have significant resources. They will, of course, immediately agree to help anyone fight the US armed forces, since the US armed forces have killed many of their members. Also, enlisting the aid of Al Qaeda will get the cause of Alaskan independence plenty of publicity, and there's no such thing as bad publicity, right?

Wrong cause. (none / 0) (#6)
by tkatchev on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 02:07:44 PM PST
Al Qaeda + Greenpeace = Public-relations bonanza?

Interesting thought. :)

Peace and much love...

We care? (none / 0) (#7)
by Anonymous Reader on Thu Dec 27th, 2001 at 04:42:33 PM PST
The good Lord God gave use arctic wildlife so we could use it's bounty for our great great nations progression. I mean if it wasn't for those pesky, heathen Indians depleting our great great nation of all it's natural resources perhaps we wouldn't have to look to the arctic for good game. I say club a baby seal. Club two. Club a baby seal for America. America and Jesus.

Maybe (none / 0) (#8)
by Right Hand Man on Fri Dec 28th, 2001 at 10:09:36 AM PST
He gave us the bounty that we find in the ANWR, bounty that includes large quantities of oil as well as plentiful game. The oil has its obvious uses and as I understand it Caribou is some of the best venison a person could ever taste.

The only possible solution, one that ensures that humanity gets the absolute highest satisfaction from this land given to us by the graces of God, is to hunt, kill, and eat a good portion of the animals that inhbit the ANWR. When their numbers have been reduced to the point where oil drilling will not destroy a significant portion of their habitat, then we go pump out all the crude and use it to fuel our bustling economy. A byproduct of this will probably be large quantities of timber, yet another wonderful gift from Our Father. It might be wise to snap a few photos or something before we go modify the place as most oil drilling companies like to put the environment back the way they found it, to keep the militant leftist greens from blowing up their buildings and killing their employees.

Regardless, your recommendqation to club a seal is a step in the right direction.

"Keep your bible open and your powder dry."

right on (none / 0) (#9)
by philipm on Fri Dec 28th, 2001 at 10:47:14 PM PST
Why are we even discussing this? Is there anyone out there that seriously believes that we have to "save" some god-forsaken frozen hellhole? Lets just drill the fucker and have a big safari while we are at it.



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