We now know that every human being can be categorically placed in any one of sixteen distinct personality types. These personality types depend on four qualities, which I outline below:

We can see that it is dead easy to tell which one of these somebody belongs to. The delightful thing about Myers-Briggs is how easy it is to classify people - one can just talk to someone for a few hours, and tell fairly quickly which of the above categories they fall into. What is interesting is the natural roles each type tends to play. It is important for any manager, government official, parent or lover to be thoroughly grounded in all aspects of the Myers-Briggss personality system. From a management perspective, one can create harmonious working groups of people by considering the proper station of each type, and in one's personal life one can easily predict the behaviour of others.

It is such a wonderful method of prescribing and boxing in the behaviour of human beings, that properly armed with the knowledge and a suitable INTP to do the mathematical grunt work one can easily predict and control the behaviour of large numbers of people. Although we should focus on using Myers-Briggss tests for this, we should also incorporate related disciplines such as Chinese astrology (not fake Western astrology), numerology and graphology. It seems to me that we should encourage our government, companies and families to reorganise all social activity on the basis of Myers-Briggs personality types. So much unhappiness is caused because people don't get along with each other, because sensitive and brilliant FP's are paired with callous and judgemental TJ's, or nurturing, affirmitive FJ's with cold, mechanical TP's. All personality types have a natural partner, and tend to get on well with some other personality types and less well with others. All the strife in our society could be solved at a stroke if everyone knew their own type, and if everyone was nurtured and engaged with the right people to do the right job and marry the right person, guided by the omniscience of some centralised personality database. We could forge a new and better society, and so easily!

Here I present a schema for how things should be organised, and where every personality type should be placed in the grand scheme.

At the bottom - INTP, INTJ. Here we should have all the INT's - that is to say, the iNtuitive Thinkers, be they judging or perceiving. These types tend to care very little about other human beings, as they value logic and are very cold. They live in thir own mathematical world, removed from all human concerns. The INTPs are the lowest of the low, and can also be quite dangerous. They are best left to work on simple tasks that all the other types hate, as they have very high boredom thresholds and can be left to work on boring columns of figures, or program computers, or work on assembly lines, without any real personal problems. They enjoy being ordered around and told what to do, and as long as their orders don't involve interacting with other people they are very happy. These types are very autistic in nature, and like most idiot savants they can sometimes show a remarkable facility for impressive but ultimately useless tasks, such as typesetting in TeX or memorising Star Trek dialogue. These types tend to look quite thin and pasty, and take little care over their personal appearance. They often have small, peering eyes and tend to be quite short and ugly. Spots are common. They do not make suitable romantic mates for anyone, and are really best kept away from the opposite sex.

Second rung up - ENTP, ENTJ. These types also tend to be rationalists, but do at least engage with other people. Unfortunately, then tend to try and control others, and have little in the way of empathy despite their outgoing natures. They are best used to keep the INTPs and INTJs in their place. This type make excellent police officers, regimental seargant majors, and disciplinarians of all sorts. Because they don't care about other people, and only like to abuse them, it is important that they are not given important leadership roles, but still a good idea to give some sort of leadership role nonetheless. Ideally they should be put in charge of the bottom groups, as this will allow the ENT*s to feel they are in command of someone, and the INT*s are so pathetic and withdrawn anyway that they won't care or even notice that they are being abused. ENT*'s tend to have big chins and pronounced foreheads, somewhat like Neanderthals. They are easily spotted.

Towards the Middle - ENFJ, ENFP. The ENF*'s have good people skills, and are very people orientated. Females make very good HR managers, nurses, courtesans and prostitutes, and males of this type can excell in the medical profession, serving their betters. Although they tend to be very sensitive, they put themselves before others so it is OK to treat them badly, though only up to a point. Because they love people so much, they tend to be very unfaithful, and they are very good at making people feel guilty. These types tend to be somewhat normal looking, but often have bad taste in clothes. They often have unusually small heads.

The Middle Classes - ISTJ, ISTP. The ISTJ's are quiet and like security. Theywork very hard and have good powers of concetration, whilst the ISTP's tend to be quite practical and even, when threatened, risk taking. These types make excellent soldiers and officers, and ideally all members of the army should come from these groups. Solid and dependable, and plain looking, they are like 1950's tweed clothed Britons in terms of their stoic, unimaginative determination to overcome.

Rising on Up - ISFJ, ISFP. At last we come to types that do not promote or create violent situations. The ISF*s are very peaceful and hate conflict. For this reason, they should be placed in charge of all those I have already mentioned, wherever possible. They should be teachers and also research the hard sciences. Unlike the INTP's, they can be trusted with the responsibility of science, for they will not develop nuclear, chemical or biological weapons, or even technologies that can be perverted to create them, their ethics and hatred of conflict is so great. These types tend to have square heads and bulky bodies, and like to dress conservatively.

Lower Upper Classes - ESFJ, ESFP, INFJ. The first two types are superb, for they are wonderfully charismatic. They also tend to be rather good looking, and their radiance inspires all whom it touches. They love newness and fun, and so are good to keep around as entertainers. Actors, artists, and circus performers should be drawn from them. The INFJ's are also very good, and although they tend to be individualistic rather than team players, they should most definitely be valued for their high intelligence.

Ruling Class - ESTP, ESTJ. This type are very good at sports, very good looking, outgoing, sociable, and can always get a date. They are natural leaders, and the other types tend to be jealous of them. If they are closely bound in the workplace with ESF*s though, then the other types will come to accept them thanks to the overpowering combination of good looks and charisma. Many of this type tend to play college football and suchlike at High Schools, and then move on to become highly successful corporate businessmen. They tend to have lovely hair, blue eyes and fair skin.

The Apex - INFP. This type deserves a mention all of its own, it is truly the most advanced, good looking, and caring of all the types. It's value system is so advanced, and its empathy so pronounced, that members of this type should be forced to become leaders, against their own natural modesty. INFP's are really a sort of super-race, seperated off from other mere mortals.

I believe that if we organise our society with this natural hierarchy in mind, social and racial disharmony, hatred, loneliness, and depression will be eliminated for all time. For each according to his needs will be the watchword of this new world, and with the intelligent, feeling and empathetic INFP's in charge of it all we can be sure that such a seemingly autocratic society won't suffer from totalitarian injustice of any sort. Truly, we have the power, with a just a few simple adjustments to how we think of organising such things as marriage, friendship, and private enterprise, to eliminate all unhappiness forever. What are we waiting for?

(NB The author is an INFP himself, and so this article is guaranteed to be unbiased)