"This is much better than the Russkies ever did" commented Mohammed Abdul, who has lived to see his country pummelled militarily by the 2 greatest superpowers the world has known. "Those damn Russkies were merciless. They would machine gun our bands from their helicopters, and not have the decency to drop some food and band-aids afterwards. Not even some vodka." Mr. Abdul subsequently requested that the last sentence be kept off the record.
In the meantime, the U.S. was touting its newest advance in military tactics and strategy, the friendly strike. "At the same time, the oppressed people of Afghanistan will know the generosity of America and our allies. As we strike military targets, we will also drop food, medicine and supplies to the
starving and suffering men and women and children of Afghanistan," said President Bush in an address to the U.S. nation. "The United States of America is a friend to the Afghan people."
This was wonderfully received througout Afghanistan today. "We are very thankful of President Bush. What we need the most right now are friends to commiserate over the death and destruction friendly raining from above," commented Mr. Abdul Mohammed of Kabul. "And food. Do you know if the north side is going to be bombed soon? We're hungry; my children have not eaten in 2 days." He excused himself, citing that he had to leave for the closest military target still standing as soon as possible.
As a testament to the resourcefulness and the invincibility of the human spirit, some Afghani have shown great creativity in face of the unprecedented opportunities that the friendly strike offers. Such is the case of Mohammed Mohammed bin Mohammed, who we caught on the process of painting a red and white bullseye on top of his hut. "This way the friendly american pilots can know where to drop their bombs, so we can get food without going to the places where the real targets are. There's too much people there, anyway. We'll sleep in the cave at the other end of the field. You know, as The Prophet said, `If Mohammed can't go to the mountain, let the mountain come to Mohammed.' Same idea, but with B-52 bombers."
His final words for the Americans: "Destroy, yes, destroy all we have. But drop us some food."