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What the hell's my problem?
Too long since I got laid 15%
Too sexy for my own good 11%
Too gay for my own good 46%
Too long since I got laid by a man 23%
[ Frothing, convulsing ] 3%

Votes: 26

 Why girls are better than boys

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Oct 30, 2001
Because men are always trying to pick me up at random, and women are completely uninterested in me.

Jesus, you'd think I had a rainbow belt, muscles, and a right-earlobe piercing. Not to mention a bunch of tight faggoty clothes. What is it with these people?


More diaries by nathan
Bartok violin concerto
religion has failed us.
addition to previous diary (sorry)
tangential point off h.a.'s recent diary
why boys and girls are different
new job!
objectivist club
Another Friday night
some light reading
the opposite sex
hey, alprazolam,
g**k math is not hard.
should women?
a new threat
wiccan woes
is Christianity theistically monistic?
give me advice.
Canada rules!
Burma Shave!
do some atheists hate religion?
By "these people," I mean the ones who try to pick me up every single goddamned day. I'm not gay or willing to learn, yet, just last night this dude struck up a conversation in the subway, and before I knew what was what, he was inviting me to spend the night at his place. And, frankly, on my knees. Anyway, the point is, nothing could be more flattering than having women throw themselves at me, but having gay men do it just makes me feel as though they must know something I don't.


come on out (5.00 / 2) (#1)
by Peter Johnson on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 02:08:16 PM PST
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but "GAYDAR", as it is commonly known, is infallible. If gay men are hitting on you incessantly, it's because you have homosexual tendencies.

The ability to spot fellow homosexuals at 300 paces is crucial for the gay community - it's how they locate others while avoiding persecution. If gay men are hitting on you, it's time for some deep introspection.

Your friend,
Are you adequate?

Hey Sailor! (5.00 / 1) (#2)
by egg troll on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 02:26:42 PM PST
Shoeboy, you seem like the kinda man who'd love to come over to my house and take off his shirt, and share a Zima with me. We can watch some Riverdance too! Then afterwards, who knows!

Posting for the love of the baby Jesus....

Aw, crap. (none / 0) (#6)
by chloedancer on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 05:14:19 PM PST
Do I need to defend his honor again?

Relax my dearest Chloedancer (none / 0) (#7)
by Peter Johnson on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 05:16:09 PM PST
Egg Troll doesn't know me. He's only seen pictures. That's not enough to trigger gaydar. Instead it means that Egg Troll is indulging himself in harmless homoerotic fantasies about me.

I'm all right with that. You should be to.

Are you adequate?

You just don't get it, Shoeboy. (5.00 / 1) (#9)
by chloedancer on Wed Oct 31st, 2001 at 01:03:51 AM PST
Hey, far be it from me to discourage anyone's fantasy life (except for those oh-so-scintillating times when I've been stuck "talking tech" on a support line with some drooling geek -- ugh!).

Try as I might all evening, I've been unable to get the image of you, torso bared, swilling Zima while watching Michael Fucking Flatley cavorting and capering about (forevermore to be known as "He Whom I Could Snap Like a Twig"... now there's a thought worthy of wishful thinking!).

What about the fact that Egg Troll is impinging upon my fantasy life? 'Tis fine and dandy to encourage others to dream of you, but please, for gods' sake, could you avoid actually endorsing something so pedestrian and sordid in your quest for self-aggrandizement? It hardly suits the calibre of your true magnificence, you lusty, loutish cad.

Tally Ho My Fine Saucy Strumpet (none / 0) (#11)
by Peter Johnson on Wed Oct 31st, 2001 at 09:55:48 AM PST
Play your cards right and you could be staring at my bedroom ceiling from now until christmas.

Woof! Woof!

(Please note: stealing material does not constitute and endorsement of the work from which said material was stolen.)
Are you adequate?

What... (none / 0) (#12)
by hauntedattics on Wed Oct 31st, 2001 at 10:00:58 AM PST
you'll quote Blackadder but you won't endorse it? C'mon now, Baldrick. Go put on some enormous trousers.

Threat or Promise? (none / 0) (#13)
by chloedancer on Wed Oct 31st, 2001 at 01:21:51 PM PST
Remember, I know what you sound like when you whimper and, well, it just makes me cringe. Really.

How Can You Say That? (none / 0) (#14)
by egg troll on Fri Nov 2nd, 2001 at 07:44:41 PM PST
Shoeboy how can you say that I've only seen your pictures? Remember how we first met on Slashdot? We exchanged emails about how we self-gratified ourselves to the pics, and couldn't understand why everyone else was so grossed out by them. That lead to many meetings between us, including the one last night where you had me gagged and tied up while you wore the crotchless Clifford the Big Red Dog costume!!

Posting for the love of the baby Jesus....

Gaydar is infallible (none / 0) (#10)
by hauntedattics on Wed Oct 31st, 2001 at 09:21:43 AM PST
except when the person using it is drinking. Or on drugs. Or just stupid.

Nathan, is it possible that every gay man in your town is either constantly hammered or at borderline retardation IQ?

Do you happen to be... (5.00 / 1) (#3)
by poltroon on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 02:32:11 PM PST
...a computer science student or computer professional? At least 40% of them are gay, Elenchos was pointing out to me the other day. The field is second only to hairdressing in terms of gay magnetism. And many more than that, closer to 90%, seem gay. So, if that's your field, at least you're in good company.

nobody (none / 0) (#4)
by osm on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 02:34:29 PM PST
Elenchos was pointing out to me the other day wants to hear the sick details of your filthy sex life.

comp sci (none / 0) (#8)
by nathan on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 06:40:35 PM PST
Well, I did think it was kind of funny when Quake IV: the Leathermen sold out in like five minutes where I lived. Come to think of it, there's a lot of gay slang among IT professionals I know. Like, f'rinstance,

  • "click" the "mouse"
  • "download" the "file"
  • turn it on and "boot it up"
  • "Lin-anux" (I don't want to imagine that last one.)

    It's a little unsettling, actually.

    Li'l Sis: Yo, that's a real grey area. Even by my lax standards.

    You mean you're *not* gay? (none / 0) (#5)
    by elenchos on Tue Oct 30th, 2001 at 03:22:20 PM PST
    I mean, everyone has always just, you know, assumed...

    >you know that new gay guy?
    >the *new* gay guy? you must mean nathan
    >yeah nathan...

    I think it's cool if you just act gay. Why not? Express yourself. Why try to force yourself to fit into some non-gay-acting, non-gay-appearing mold if that just isn't you? Just don't take it so personally. It isn't like you can blame anyone. I mean if even on a web log you sort of have this big gay vibe surrounding you, it's just a natural assumption.


    I do, I do, I do
    --Bikini Kill


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