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How's your ass?
A dull throbbing sensation, not unpleasant. 12%
All stretched out and no place to go. 12%
Doesn't feel like anything, barely aware of it 20%
Responding delighfully to gentle stimulation 36%
Sorta itches 8%
Unpleasant burning sensation 8%

Votes: 25

 there is no god but shoeboy

 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Oct 18, 2001

Had dinner with a delightful member of the opposite sex last night. Starting to really understand how it feels to be a mouse in the paws of a cat. Not a bad sensation.

Made my coworkers take the old Star Wars personality test. The gay guy came up as Princess Leia and the beast-bearded dirty GNU hippy came up as Chewbacca. There may be something to this test after all. I'm most like Han Solo apparently.

Poll: How's your ass?


More diaries by Peter Johnson
Psycho Ex Girlfriends
Looking for pain in all the wrong places
You win some, you lose some
Sermon On The Mount
Moods for moderns
Under the Bridge
Lovers Arrival, The
The Width Of A Circle
A Shocking Discovery
A Woman Waits For Me?
Gimme Danger
Girlfriend is better
Happy birthday to me
Like A Virgin
Silencing The Aryan King
Should I make the switch to OS X?
New Feature
Girlfriend is better


Hans Solo? Really? (none / 0) (#2)
by chloedancer on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 05:48:00 PM PST
"Every geek girl has had a crush on Han Solo or Luke Skywalker. Most of us, both. Many of us still do, secretly." (Source: The Guy's Guide to Geek Girls - Illustrated!).

Me? Princess Leia, altho' I'm somewhat chagrined to confess it. Maybe I'm a gay guy at heart, after all.

Hans Solo... I think my crush on him predates your very existence, m'friend. Never could go for Luke, tho' -- too much of a goody-goody for my tastes, and certainly the soul-conquering challenge and tempestuous love/hate dynamic would be missed.

All that's left to say is this: ""Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder!"

Dearest Chloedancer (none / 0) (#3)
by Peter Johnson on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 05:52:24 PM PST
I fear that I was released into this world at approximately the same time as Star Wars Episode III. So I'd be willing to bet that your Han Solo fascination coincides almost exactly with the start of my existence. I don't consider this a coincidence.
Are you adequate?

Dearest Shoeboy (none / 0) (#6)
by chloedancer on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 06:18:53 PM PST
No matter how ya slice it, that's just a sick thought, really.

Another quote:

PL: "I love you."
HS: "I know."

Your ego knows no boundaries, does it?

As far as gods go, here's where I learned of the existence of most of mine: Deathbird Stories. (Note: Shoeboy's not listed. Really.) And you're not mentioned in Gaiman's American Gods, either. Go figure.

But then again... (none / 0) (#7)
by chloedancer on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 06:38:09 PM PST
You can read the real deal in Deathbird Stories, if you wish.


"The narrator is walking with his unicorn one night in New Orleans when a beautiful young woman beckons to the animal and it goes to her (so we know she's a virgin). The two humans walk the streets, have coffees at the Café du Monde, a julep at the Royal Orleans Hotel, visit a nightclub -- all the time trading stories of their lives. The narrator, Paul Ordahl, was an architect whose first wife went insane, and whose mother-in-law blamed him (as he is tempted to blame himself). After his third marriage ended, he committed suicide. Lizette relates tales about a string of men who loved her, and a marriage of convenience to a wealthy New Orleans property owner. They are both ghosts and, Paul gradually realizes, opposite sides of the same coin in the way they misspent their lives. He thinks they can help each other, and this night is their one chance (the unicorn's, too), but it's not clear how or to what purpose, and it doesn't look as if Lizette is going to come through for him. The unicorn, a familiar assigned to accompany Paul everywhere, is patient but concerned, and Paul has to remind him that soon they will be "on the downhill side," which follows midnight. The climax occurs in the world-famous Saint Louis Cemetery, the perfect, ancient graveyard where bodies are laid in crypts above ground because the water table is only 18 inches below the surface of the city. And a sacrifice will be demanded." (David Loftus, reviewer).

Maybe you're right, after all.

I'm wearing 7 pairs of trousers today (none / 0) (#11)
by Peter Johnson on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 08:24:27 PM PST
Dearest Chloedancer,
Assuming that the Universe is constantly expanding, why should there be bounds to my ego? It's not like I'll run out of space to store it.
Your friend,
Are you adequate?

Okay... I'll nibble. (none / 0) (#14)
by chloedancer on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 09:03:33 PM PST
Why seven? Or should that be "Why only seven?" instead?

7 reasons for 7 trousers (none / 0) (#15)
by Peter Johnson on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 09:19:43 PM PST
  1. For luck.
  2. For warmth.
  3. To protect the world from the awesome power of my loins.
  4. In case the other 6 fail.
  5. So I can take one pair off each day until I see my true love again.
  6. It's the most efficient way to break in 7 pairs at once.
  7. For you.

Are you adequate?

Speechless, I am... (none / 0) (#16)
by chloedancer on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 09:29:35 PM PST
Really. Mercy! (I'm uncertain about merci, however -- don't ask me why 'cause I have no clue.)

Before you post something you'll regret, you should probably elencho's diary entry re: "One of my nutty English papers." Didn't you once refer to me as being "slightly psychotic" or something equally appropriate, once upon a time?

NEVER! (none / 0) (#17)
by Peter Johnson on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 09:48:25 PM PST
I would never say such a thing about you. There's nothing slight about you psychoses.
Are you adequate?

Ah, but they're so cleverly eclipsed (none / 0) (#18)
by chloedancer on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 10:00:12 PM PST
by my virtues and allure. And you're still enthralled, regardless. (Enthrall: to hold spellbound; captivate; to enslave. Such an intriguing word.)

(And I'm laughing my ass off right now! ;)

I'm sleepy (none / 0) (#19)
by Peter Johnson on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 10:07:27 PM PST
"Love hath chas'd sleep from my enthralled eyes."
Shakespeare, "The Two Gentleman of Verona", act II, Scene IV.

Nope, I'm still sleepy. Pleasant dreams.
Are you adequate?

And I know that you know my response already... (none / 0) (#20)
by chloedancer on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 10:16:58 PM PST
Dream dangerously, ma cher.

I second your crush... (none / 0) (#22)
by hauntedattics on Fri Oct 19th, 2001 at 06:51:26 AM PST
Han Solo...yummy. Luke Skywalker...whiny.

"With the blast shield down, I can't even see. How am I supposed to fight???"

But then again, I'm Lando Calrissian so you probably shouldn't trust anything I say.

Who is this Emperor Palestine? (none / 0) (#4)
by elenchos on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 06:01:13 PM PST
I haven't seen any of those Star Wars cartoons or spinoff TV shows. Is he from one of those? Didn't they make a show that was on Chewbacca's home planet? Or was this Emperor in that new one that just came out, the "Revenge of the Jedi"? I heard it wasn't as good as the second one, but I'll probably watch it when the video comes out.

Oh I know! He's Princess Leia's dad! That makes sense! He's the emperor and she's the princess. Duh. Forget I asked.

I do, I do, I do
--Bikini Kill

No god? (none / 0) (#5)
by SpaceGhoti on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 06:06:53 PM PST
I'm pretty sure of the existence of God. I don't know what form She prefers to take, but I'm pretty sure she's out there. Personal conviction, you see.

As for Shoeboy being God, I suppose it's a shame that Heidi Wall doesn't think so.

A troll's true colors.

Are you sure? (none / 0) (#10)
by Peter Johnson on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 08:19:34 PM PST
Have you actually asked Heidi if she considers me to be God? If not, how do you know?
Your mentor,
Are you adequate?

I confess (5.00 / 1) (#12)
by SpaceGhoti on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 08:34:21 PM PST
I don't know this for sure, but it seems a reasonable guess. One does not ordinarily place restraining orders on one's gods.

A troll's true colors.

Peter Johnson (none / 0) (#24)
by Anonymous Reader on Mon Oct 29th, 2001 at 03:38:12 AM PST
Who is Heidi Wall?

huh (none / 0) (#8)
by Frithiof on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 07:30:26 PM PST
I am Emperor Palpatine. What does this mean?


Interesting. (5.00 / 2) (#9)
by TheReverand on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 08:10:10 PM PST
I'm Captain Kirk. What does that mean?

I don't want to be Luke... (none / 0) (#13)
by motherfuckin spork on Thu Oct 18th, 2001 at 08:43:29 PM PST
damn damn damn damn damn!

I just had to click on the link...

Now I'm all worried.

I am not who you think I am.

I scored as Han Solo (none / 0) (#21)
by Adam Rightmann on Fri Oct 19th, 2001 at 06:46:37 AM PST
If you were to look at my rusting Subaru wagon, it might make more sense.

And while I'm not a huge Star Wars fan, my understanding was that episode III will not be out for a while, and the original was episode IV, which was in about 1977,which may be when Mr. Johnson is talking about his Genesis.

A. Rightmann

i'm a cross (none / 0) (#23)
by alprazolam on Fri Oct 19th, 2001 at 07:48:16 AM PST
between Lando and Chewbacca. So I guess this tells you not to trust me when there's food involved.


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