It's fall. Leaves are turning color and dropping, days are getting shorter, there's a
crispness in the air (at least in the best hemisphere) and Halloween is just around the
corner. Yes, Halloween, often represented as a paradox to Christians. While many of the
sects portray Halloween as unmitigated evil,
and spend the day in
prayer, it's not.
I think it's better to go out and confront evil, and perhaps spread your faith a
little. Accordingly, the following Halloween costumes are Rightmann approved. I will warn
you, at the end the get a little mature, as I know how teenagers are; they want to be a
For the younger ones.
- Angels, cherubs and cupids: What's wrong with old standby of angels and cherubs. Just be
sure that you don't give the cupids the broadheads ( I won't make that mistake again).
- Bingo granny: Dress them up like granny supporting her parish, a few bingo cards, a
marker, and you're all set.
- Monk: The saviour of western civilization. An old dark robe and illustrated page are all you need.
- Samson: If it's warm enough, wear a loincloth, a long haired wig, and make a paper-mache jawbone of an ass.
For the older set
- Misled Christian: Have your older one dress up as one of those heretical Christians,
spending eternity in Hell. Buy a few King James Bibles and Good News and tie them together,
making a snare of falsehoods. A few cardboard flames and you're good to go.
- Apostastic Pope: Get the white robes, the mitre hat and cardboard flames. Best when done
in a group with the Misled Christian, and a token Jew and Mohammedan.
- Aborted baby: Wear a flesh colored body suit, and draw in Frankenstein sutures
connecting your arms and legs, symbolizing your body being mulitated to be extracted from
your mother. Use copious amounts of blood. Cardboard flames too, since you're in Hell
because you were never baptised.
- Sodomite: Have a small wooden stake protruding from your chest, covered in blood and gore. Have another, larger wooden stake protruding from your nether regions, showing people what reward lies in wait for those who practice this perversion.
- Martin Luther: Dress in a Renfest robe, with a whinging screed nailed into your chest and blood seeping around it. Don't forget the cardboad flames.
- Birth Control User: Purchase condoms and IUD's and make a cruel, painful noose with them. Take many baby dolls and hang them off you, showing the children that would never be born becuase you were selfish. Cardboard flames, too.