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 Author:  Topic:  Posted:
Oct 01, 2001
So, that whole breakup with my girlfriend...

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You know...

After writing my journal entry here Friday, I had a particularly interesting time. After I went home from that, I found my girlfriend, sleeping on the couch. With mace still stinging my neck and arms, I finally admitted to her the reason I decided to end the relationship.

I felt like I was stagnating. I felt like I wasn't deserving of passion. I felt like I wasn't doing anything to improve myself. I felt like being with her was keeping me from reaching that point of desperation, the intense, world-shaking isolation and sadness that would always wake me up and make me improve in the past.

Once I said it, it really didn't make as much sense. It also seemed to be a lot less related to her than I imagined it.

I was almost delirious from the lack of sleep, but I do remember what we decided. I need to work out my issues with myself, but we are both too in love with each other to break up. I realized that my desire for some kind of total loneliness is artificial, and only based on a few of my past experiences. I need to be able to improve myself without them...

My girlfriend was kind enough to get a soapy washcloth to help clean off the mace (I was too spent to actually shower) and I soon passed out from exhaustion.

I woke up in the morning with my girlfriend in my arms. She was awake as well, and looking into my eyes. I smiled and kissed her on the lips. She started crying. She didn't know if I remembered what we had talked about last night, and had spent hours while I slept worrying that I wouldn't remember the conversation. She was relieved.

So, that little moment of drama in my life is over. I still need to improve myself, but now I'm looking at it more optomistically. I'm not waiting for anything anymore. I'm doing it.


I can't decide which I like better... (none / 0) (#1)
by chloedancer on Mon Oct 1st, 2001 at 06:12:36 PM PST
Both are from The Princess Bride:

Westley: "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."


Miracle Max: "Have fun stormin' da castle!"
Valerie: "Think it'll work?"
Miracle Max: "It would take a miracle!"

(Maybe it's just me, but fairy tales are often far more sensible than real life when considering matters of the heart.)

Continued best wishes for both of you, regardless; love well.

*sigh* How Cute! (none / 0) (#2)
by tkatchev on Tue Oct 2nd, 2001 at 12:58:24 AM PST
Yeah, fairy tale love is incredibly romantic. It's just too bad that they have no connection to real life; you'll just come crashing back to earth harder.

That said, I think the "real thing" is better. Go out there and actually love somebody instead of talking about it. Usually, those who talk much of romantic love are unable to love a real person next to them.

Peace and much love...

diary (none / 0) (#3)
by Anonymous Reader on Tue Oct 2nd, 2001 at 02:24:00 PM PST
seeing this here explains why I haven't seen much of your diary on k5. Don't you find posting to both places confusing?

Yeah yeah (none / 0) (#4)
by John Milton on Tue Oct 2nd, 2001 at 08:18:56 PM PST
So you found a girl that you sort of liked and started a meaninless sexual relationship, and when the sex dried up, you dumped her. Oh, I'm sorry. It wasn't sex. The relationship just ran out of passion. Excuse me. I guess that's completely different. Pardon me if I fail to express condolences at your pointless attempts to romanticize what amounts to an infantile relationship puntuated by an infantile reaction. Although I have never held you in the highest regard, before now I at least had some token respect for you. Even that is gone. The only word I can think of to describe you is tragic in your sense of moral rightiousness and utter denial.

-John Milton


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